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[Broseph Stalin]

Dear conscripts,

I know you've had a hard time dealing with the waves of kea in the absence of our professional military especially considering that our fearless militia commander somehow got his axe stolen but I feel it necessary to remind you about personal responsibility. You are all responsible for keeping track of your posessions, that means put your shirts in your rooms when you're wearing your armor, remember where you've left your weapons, and Sizir Edanducim PICK UP YOUR FUCKING HAND IT'S ROTTING IN THE DINING ROOM!

[Greiger]

To Broseph Stalin

Eww, but it's all sticky and rotten.  Besides it isn't my property anymore.  One of the contracts the bookeeper made us sign to get the annoying flashing X off of us made our corpse, and any severed limbs the property of the fortress upon death or removal.  So it's not my problem.  Deal with it.

Sizir Edanducium

(P.S. Designate a corpse stockpile, limbs of your guys don't count as refuse, they count as corpses, and the limb will be placed there.)

[Broseph Stalin]

To Broseph Stalin

Eww, but it's all sticky and rotten.  Besides it isn't my property anymore.  One of the contracts the bookeeper made us sign to get the annoying flashing X off of us made our corpse, and any severed limbs the property of the fortress upon death or removal.  So it's not my problem.  Deal with it.

Sizir Edanducium

(P.S. Designate a corpse stockpile, limbs of your guys don't count as refuse, they count as corpses, and the limb will be placed there.)

I know how to fix it, I was going without a refuse stockpile and having the dead taken directly to the catacombs. I decided it would just be funnier to have it dumped on the floor of his room in the pile of clothes littering the floor.

[Morpha]

Dear Urist McFey

How the fuck did you turn a single gem into an entire table? I know you only used one because I checked. All jewelcrafting will be done solely by you and you will get a legendary bedroom for your contribution.

Dear Urist Mcwallbuilders
Don't suppose you could do the same thing and make the entire wall out of a single rock in one go do you? We've had THREE bloody werebeast attacks so far already, the first when we were only 10 dwarves. Thank god he went after the unicorn.

Dear Urist McBabyPopper
Please stop.

Dear Urist McWereAnimals
Really guys? Give me a solid hour without one of you bastards appearing and let's see how you fare. Just for the record, Commander Badass will be sent after you if you do that again. You do not want to mess with Commander Badass, who has 103 confirmed kills.

Edit:

The Massive Ropes? Permanent Trumpets? Whoever comes up with these squad names needs counselling.

[wierd]

Just be glad it wasn't "the lances of rape" or some similarly overt statement.

[Splint]

Dear caverndwellers below Shockedtowns

While the giant flying worm made of white jade was nice and all, I want cavern creatures to tame for the Kingdom of Symetries. Giant rats would be a refreshing step up from the white storks and pond grabbers plauging this place. Although I appreciate the crab monster. The kids love throwing parties by the cage.

Signed,
The Guiding Power of Shockedtowns
--------------------------------------------
Dear kobolds of Strabis
Perhaps the part where a dozen or so kobolds have been killed wasn't a good enough hint you need larger armed groups of walking targets raiders if you want anything.

Signed,
The Guiding Power of Shockedtowns

[Greiger]

To the rangers of Stonewall,

Stop 'hunting' the damn fish.  Hunt something we can feasibly retrieve when it's dead.  Like that rattlesnake that tried to bite the fisherman.  You know, land based meat.

---------------------------------
To the fishermen of Stonewall.

Good job shoving your fist through that snake's skull.  Not get back to gathering the water based meat.

----------------------------------
To the fishermen and Rangers of Stonewall.

Please exchange employee handbooks, clearly the bookeeper mixed yours up.

The Administration.

[Corai]

Dear caverndwellers below Shockedtowns

While the giant flying worm made of white jade was nice and all, I want cavern creatures to tame for the Kingdom of Symetries. Giant rats would be a refreshing step up from the white storks and pond grabbers plauging this place. Although I appreciate the crab monster. The kids love throwing parties by the cage.

Signed,
The Guiding Power of Shockedtowns
--------------------------------------------
Dear kobolds of Strabis
Perhaps the part where a dozen or so kobolds have been killed wasn't a good enough hint you need larger armed groups of walking targets raiders if you want anything.

Signed,
The Guiding Power of Shockedtowns

Dear Shocktowns,

Corai doesnt pay us enough for this...

Love, Kobolds

[Devling]

Dear caverndwellers below Shockedtowns

While the giant flying worm made of white jade was nice and all, I want cavern creatures to tame for the Kingdom of Symetries. Giant rats would be a refreshing step up from the white storks and pond grabbers plauging this place. Although I appreciate the crab monster. The kids love throwing parties by the cage.

Signed,
The Guiding Power of Shockedtowns
--------------------------------------------
Dear kobolds of Strabis
Perhaps the part where a dozen or so kobolds have been killed wasn't a good enough hint you need larger armed groups of walking targets raiders if you want anything.

Signed,
The Guiding Power of Shockedtowns

Dear Shocktowns,

Corai doesnt pay us enough for this...

Love, Kobolds

But its Corai... posting this... and... then....
WHAT?

[Morpha]

Just be glad it wasn't "the lances of rape" or some similarly overt statement.

Just got "The Mountainous Organs"...

Edit: "cloisters of rooting" OH COME ON!

[Hanslanda]

Hehe

[Corai]

Dear warriors of Ultrablue, human settlement.


When I say "kill crundles." THAT MEANS ALL OF THEM. Not just one, I dont like telling you to kill each and every one. Shape up! Or I'll replace your adamanite armor with copper.


Love, your kobold overlord.

[Morpha]

Dear Urist McReject

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

How the flying carp fuck are you not a vampire? I have never seen a dwarf with this many "former member" claims in my life, and assumed you must be a vampire. Imagine my surprise on noticing you don't have a single kill? You are either A) the least successful vampire ever (and probably why you keep getting kicked out), or B) A moron.
How did you manage to become my MAYOR?!?

(seriously, look at his faction list...)

With loathing,
Morpha

Edit: oh god, he just drained someone of blood. Looks like I was right to be suspicious, but isn't it supposed to show his kills?

[Eric Blank]

Dear Urist McReject

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

How the flying carp fuck are you not a vampire? I have never seen a dwarf with this many "former member" claims in my life, and assumed you must be a vampire. Imagine my surprise on noticing you don't have a single kill? You are either A) the least successful vampire ever (and probably why you keep getting kicked out), or B) A moron.
How did you manage to become my MAYOR?!?

(seriously, look at his faction list...)

With loathing,
Morpha

Kill list doesn't display vampire kills, because they dissassociate their former identities to their current one. There are two easy tests, though: Lock 'em in a room with no supplies and see if they ever get hungry/thirsty or take a nap (not for more than a month or so or they'd just die if they're actually mortal. How embarassing would that be?) or give them a nickname and check out their deity's history. If it lists "Urist McDeity cursed 'Urist McNicknamed' Mcvampire to prowl the night in search of blood, then Urist here is that guy under a different identity. Lock 'em in a sweatshop!

[Morpha]

I thought that they used to show the kill list and it was used as an easy way to ID them? Remember posts around that said their vampires listed thousands of dwarf kills etc. Was this removed or something then?
Edit: wow. This deity has been busy as hell. There's probably hundreds of vampire/night creature curses listed under it.