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[WillowLuman]

Dear esteemed companions

STOP RUNNING AFTER HIPPOS

-Your obituaries.

[Aramco]

Dear Urist,

Giving birth in the middle of battle is acceptable. Letting the baby survive is unacceptable.

That is all.

[WillowLuman]

Not even if the baby beats a goblin swordmaster to death with the leg of a goblin lasher?

[Aramco]

Not even if the baby beats a goblin swordmaster to death with the leg of a goblin lasher?

Dear Urist,

After letting your baby beat the goblin swordmaster to death with the leg of a goblin lasher,

please pass out from exhaustion and drop the baby onto our giant steel serrated disk traps.

That is all.

[Corai]

Dear kobolds,


STOP HARRASING MY ADVENTURERS! STOP.

Love, your overlord.

[misko27]

Dear Urist McMiner,
When I asked you to do some important work on the magma resevoir, and you volunteered, I couldn't be happier. However, at the key moment, you decide to go grab a drink, and the magma floods. The fact that my quick thinking, and someone else's more dedicated work, saved the day is beside the point. Are you unhappy about something? Is it the fact I drafted you to mining? if it is, killing us all is not the appropriate way of expressing yourself.
Sincerly,
Angry overseer

Dear Urist McOtherMiner,
What about the magma resevoir semed like a good place to nap? The fact the magma was literally next to you when you fell asleep? Or that you're job was to staunch the Magma tide from killing us all? Now, I'm down one miner and a steel pick. If you come back as a  ghost and haunt us, you are NOT getting a slab. Go ahead, haunt the Magma for all I care.
Sincerly,
REALLY Angry overseer.

Dear Urist McWoodcutter
I'd jut like to thank you for showing up at the last moment and saving us all from a fiery death.
Your Friend,
Urist McOverseer

[Garath]

Dear Urist McDoctor,

WHY U NO HEAL?

Sincerely,

Dying Dorf

Urist McDoctor cancels reply: On break

Humans (U) don't heal you, you should know that, now what is the question? I'm on my break.

[WriterX]

Dear Urist McDoctor,

WHY U NO HEAL?

Sincerely,

Dying Dorf

Urist McDoctor cancels reply: On break

Humans (U) don't heal you, you should know that, now what is the question? I'm on my break.

Dying Dorf bleeds to death on your dining table.

[Poindexterity]

WHY in the ever loving FUCK is "take severed goblin limbs to the refuse pile" a higher priority job then "bring wounded soldiers to the hospital"?

[Splint]

It's possible someone else had the job queued already.

[Eric Blank]

And was moving very slowly, form the exact opposite end of the fortress.
It happens when you order a lever pulled, too. It's always the cripple with novice crutchwalking farthest from the lever that gets the job to pull it.

[Splint]

Dear Goblins assaulting Shockedtowns

Thank you for giving my two axelords awesome titles in your feeble assaults. Ecen The Flayer (well, the Flayed Plank of Metal, but The Flayer sounds more badass) And Bugi The Virtuous Haze eargly await next year's ambushes. Oh and thanks for getting a couple cavern squads some bloodying. They needed that.

Signed,
The Guiding Power of Shockedtowns.
------------
Dear Kobolds of Strabis

Think you can send ambushes or something? Your thieves clarly aren't up to the task of stealing things alone, and the Townwatch needs more practice.

Thank you,
The Guiding Power of Shockedtowns.

[Sus]

Dear Atu, Forgotten Beast:

Don't you think poisoning poor Monom with your Forgotten Beast extract after your stinger tore his head clean off the body was a bit overkill? I mean, he died before the venom even had time to absorb, anyway.

- Sus, the Very Unhappy overseer of the fort you just attacked

P.S. At least we did you in in the end, tho it cost the lives of a great many dwarvenkin.

[Dude_Jebawe]

Dear Urist MCMilitaryCommander,

I know you hate snow. However, in the future, please shoot the Minotaur first.

Sincerely, Your overlord.

[WriterX]

Dear Atu, Forgotten Beast:

Don't you think poisoning poor Monom with your Forgotten Beast extract after your stinger tore his head clean off the body was a bit overkill? I mean, he died before the venom even had time to absorb, anyway.

- Sus, the Very Unhappy overseer of the fort you just attacked

P.S. At least we did you in in the end, tho it cost the lives of a great many dwarvenkin.

Dear Sus,

 I'll be back.

Atu