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[GoldenShadow]

Dear wild naked mole dogs,

Please, walk around the cage traps. We already have too many of you.

Sincerely, the overseer.

-Barely intelligible words that seem to be gnawed into the rock found with a moledog-

DaEr OvveRSEEar

ForT Wahrm. Caves cOlD. WAnT WaHrm.

MollDOgS

Oh, you want warm? How about magma?

[WillowLuman]

Dear Grimelings around Mudperfect,

What the hell are you? WHY YOU NO DIE!?

Sincerely, the Lord of Mud.

[Corai]

Dear Goblins


Why you take my sister What you do with her.


-Signed, UristMc4yearold

[wierd]

Dear urist mc4yearold,

We took her to a land of wonder and excitement! You can come too if you like! All you have to do is ride in goblinclaus's magic bag!

Gobbo McGoblin, snatcher 1st class.

[ydaraishy]

Dear Urist McFisherdwarf,

It baffles me why you thought standing on the frozen river to fish in the thawed water just as the ice was about to melt was a good idea.  And that's after you apparently tried to strand yourself on the other side but fortuitously decided to stop fishing in the empty pool.  And this not a week into our settlement in this fairy-besotted forest, and without you catching one godsdamned mussel.  That got our outpost off to a fair start, didn't it.

Looking forward to eating cockroaches next month,
Urist McExpeditionLeader

EDIT: Well, apparently he made it out alive now, which is a relief.  Hopefully he doesn't do something that stupid again.

[Lagslayer]

Dear Urist McFisherdwarf,

It baffles me why you thought standing on the frozen river to fish in the thawed water just as the ice was about to melt was a good idea.  And that's after you apparently tried to strand yourself on the other side but fortuitously decided to stop fishing in the empty pool.  And this not a week into our settlement in this fairy-besotted forest, and without you catching one godsdamned mussel.  That got our outpost off to a fair start, didn't it.

Looking forward to eating cockroaches next month,
Urist McExpeditionLeader

EDIT: Well, apparently he made it out alive now, which is a relief.  Hopefully he doesn't do something that stupid again.

That's why I always carve escape ramps in the local river and murky ponds.

Dear urist mc4yearold,

We took her to a land of wonder and excitement! You can come too if you like! All you have to do is ride in goblinclaus's magic bag!

Gobbo McGoblin, snatcher 1st class.

I never thought of goblin snatchers as pedophiles before. How foolish I was.

[EmeraldWind]

Dear Little Urist McNoPants,

I understand you're upset, I would be too if I was naked.
But instead of throwing bins of clothes at everyone else,
just take a second and put some on.

Sincerely,
Mr. McOverseer

PS: Please, if you are going to stay mad leave the clothing stockpile.
There are other dwarves perfectly willing to dress themselves that want in.

[Garath]

Children of Wasprock,

I perfectly understand that growing up is hard. Not only did your mother refuse to give you an alcoholic drink for a year, but she also neglected to give you any pants. That is why the booze stockpile is open to everyone and the sweet drink of dwarfs is flowing freely, enjoy it.
We also have a choice of trousers, shoes and shirts to choose from, even a selection of handwear and headwear, socks and more. Most of it is provided by our master clothiers, the rest is generously donated by the regularly slaughtered goblins.
Now that you are free of your mothers grasp I expect you to put on some pants (really, I understand what you are emberrased about), get a drink and take a bite of that excellent whip vine flour roast.
I do not expect you to hang around the sleeping mayor his office to complain, getting more emberrased as he finishes his nap, wakes up with a hangover and denies your request for a meeting in order to eat and drink, you trailing after him, getting more emberrased because now you stand next to his table still displaying your assets, such as they are, and nearly dying for a drink. Finally he finishes and goes back to his office for your meeting, trailing you through the dining hall and most of the sleeping quarters.

I appreciate that you kept your cool and didn't throw a tantrum, since punching the mayor is a capital offence, but don't you think that since after the meeting you grabbed clothing, something to drink and something to eat, this was slightly inefficient?

Sincerely,

The overseer of wasprock, former overseer of copperdust, former overseer of firebrook.

____

To the mountainhomes,

Last fort I asked for an able body of 80 dwarfs and you loaded me with 150. Then I asked for 70 and I got 120. Seeing a trend, I asked for 60 now. Now was not a great moment to actually listen to me. 71 is a good labor force, but not if a third of them are babies and children. Admittedly they were born here, you did not send them, but could you send, say, 10 more people? preferably adults, though. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
The overseer of wasprock.

[Schizotek]

Dear 6 Legendary fisherdwarves of Gemhex:
In light of the fact that we have 2000 crawfish roasts, you are all being reallocated to the new rifle squad. Report to Taric's workshop entrance for your emerald armor and rifles.
-Overseer.

Dear Taric the Wonderdwarf:
Legendary in Appraising, Record Keeping, Science, Gem Cutting, Gem Setting, Comedy, Fighting, Organizing, and Consoling. Professional or higher in various other combat and conversational skills. I've depleted the forests of the badlands several times over keeping your library stocked. Entire herds of yaks go into binding your beloved tomes. You are, by far, the coolest dwarf I've ever had. You singlehandedly keep this fort running, serving as a combined leader, psychiatrist, manager, broker, record keeper, researcher, armorer, weaponsmith, and front line soldier. Have another couple Armored War Mastiffs as body guards. Heres hoping you reach legendary hammerdwarf before the next siege.
- Your biggest fan.

To the worthless peons-
If my bone block road isn't complete before the next siege, heads will roll. Or rather be crushed by the insane dwarves in the labyrinth who keep drawing pentagrams in blood, and staring at the other dwarves like they're legendary roasts.
-Your ruthless lord.

...yeah. I like the masterwork mod alot.

[Garath]

To: Urist McWoodcutter

Well done spotting that ambush of crossbow goblins, led by a mace gob. I am even more impressed that you dodged every single bolt fired at you and when running away from the mace gob you managed to lure the whole lot down into the trapped hallway. Even more impressive is the bravery of your cat, that literally had to squeeze past the mace gob, dodging bolts on the way, and only got a bruised paw for the trouble. You will both get entries in the hall of legends.

However, perhaps you can clarify why you were out there? There was nothing to collect, no trees to be cut, you were not to fish... So why were you taking an outside stroll when we live right next to a goblin fortress? We have underground tree farms for a reason.

Respectfully,

Your overseer.

[miauw62]

Dear Urist McFisherdwarf,

It baffles me why you thought standing on the frozen river to fish in the thawed water just as the ice was about to melt was a good idea.  And that's after you apparently tried to strand yourself on the other side but fortuitously decided to stop fishing in the empty pool.  And this not a week into our settlement in this fairy-besotted forest, and without you catching one godsdamned mussel.  That got our outpost off to a fair start, didn't it.

Looking forward to eating cockroaches next month,
Urist McExpeditionLeader

EDIT: Well, apparently he made it out alive now, which is a relief.  Hopefully he doesn't do something that stupid again.

Youre talking about dwarves.
Dwarves always do something stupid.

[jaxy15]

Dear wild naked mole dogs,

Please, walk around the cage traps. We already have too many of you.

Sincerely, the overseer.

-Barely intelligible words that seem to be gnawed into the rock found with a moledog-

DaEr OvveRSEEar

ForT Wahrm. Caves cOlD. WAnT WaHrm.

MollDOgS

Dear mole dogs,

The fort is not any warmer than the caves. Admit it, you just wanna come into the fort for the female mole dogs!

Sincerely, the overseer.

[ObeseHelmet]

Dear Momuz Soundgear, Miner:

I just turned off all your labors, and I think that makes it pretty clear what I want from you: to mine out the darned fortress. But no, you decide that now is an excellent time to go "On Break."

If you can't wrap your minuscule mind around this mere purring maggot of a concept, then I swear I will create a drowning chamber, put you in it, and flood it with river water. I've been waiting quite a while to see that.

Sincerely,

Urist McSadisticOverseer

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McHunter,
I understand hunting can be difficult, and that sometimes you can't reach birds o hunt them.
You are hunting a kakapo. Its best-known charactaristic is that it's FLIGHTLESS. It was maybe 100 feet from you, in a straight line with just the edge of a pond in the way. Why couldn't you find a path?
And once you did, rather than running up and shooting the parrot in the head, nice and efficiently, you wasted a bunch of bolts plinking it. Brilliant, a method of hunting that is less efficient AND causes the quarry to suffer more!
Then, you hauled the bird maybe halfway to the fortress for butchering, noticed some ravens, shot one, dropped the kakapo corpse, and went off to get drunk. Nice work, hunter.

Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

[Splint]

Dear Urist McHammerpimp

I understand that your annoyed by waiting for a legendary smith to make you a masterwork platinum beating stick known as a hammer. But that's no excuse to take it out on the poor kobold. Stop dangling him over a ramp and slowly choking the life out of him and just smash his head in already.

Dear Urist McMechanic

Hurry it up and get those bridges rigged so I can fill the magma resevoir and make some porcelien stuff to trade to the caravan.

Signed,
Overseer of bad engineering.