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[Sus]

Aaaaaaand here comes Urist McMurphy to beat you with his book of laws.

Urist McMurphy, Law Giver. That guy's right up there with Armok.

Above him, to be exact.

[krenshala]

Dear Dastot Dedukgiken, hunter,

I know you're tired after shooting at that now unconscious turkey, breaking its upper and lower body, right lower leg, left lower leg, left wing, right knee, right false rib and pancreas, but did you really need to lay down out in the woods to sleep when you ran out of ammunition?  I'm going to assume you were toying with it, since you are a high-master marksdwarf/archer.

If I'm lucky the elven ambush that failed to show up last year is going to make an appearance before you wake up ...

Sincerely,
The guy giving Iton Dedukrulush, expedition leader, instructions for you drunkards.

[MasterMorality]

To all builders,

HOW HARD IS IT TO BUILD IN FRONT OF YOU AND NOT TRAP YOURSELF ON A SODDING LEDGE!?

Grievously,
The Overseer

[Indricotherium]

To all builders,

HOW HARD IS IT TO BUILD IN FRONT OF YOU AND NOT TRAP YOURSELF ON A SODDING LEDGE!?

Grievously,
The Overseer

Dear Overseer Sir! Or Madam, whichever as it were,

Iffin you'd just put up one o' them magic no stand here field thingies (designate a wall to be built where you don't want them to stand and then suspend it, after the walls are built, remove it with Q,X) then when we stumble over t' th' worksite arms all fulla rock and such we'll be sure t' keep ourselves where y' need us rather than where Mason Guild regs say we should be.

[tivec]

Dear Urist,

If you are complaining about the lack of shells for your moody construction needs, this is just to remind you that we are in a desert and that there are no turtles available. Enjoy your last days in the crafting room.

Sincerely,
Your Benevolent Overseer.

[imperium3]

Dear Thikut Kodaban, Baron and First Gemcutter of Akrulatol,

Yes, I am afraid that Queen Stukos is now mad. Suicidally depressed to be precise. And I know that, since the chief doctor declared her unfit to rule and all her heirs are in some other fort and apparently unable to take the throne, that means that you're now the leader of Tinfound, just like you were before she came along.

However, when the queen (now relegated to Planter) actually dies, she still has the right to be buried in the magnificently carved and decorated tomb that we built for her with much labour. Just because this happens to be better than your tomb, does not give you the right to keep tantruming and throwing things around. I would remind you that you don't have an heir either, despite my attempts to persuade you to socialise with a suitable mate, and if you snap as well then we'll lose the barony and be back to being led by a mayor. And nobody wants that.

And no, you don't get the queen's huge throne room and adamantine throne, either. That's for royalty. We'll be closing that throne room up against the day the monarchy returns to Tinfound.

Sincerely, The Management

[Greiger]

To Miner # uh... I think you were 3...

You were ordered to dig out the last tile between the magma sea and the plumbing for the burial in magma military tombs.  You've done similar things before and always escaped unharmed, I thanked your extremely high agility for that, and that's why you were always chosen for such tasks.

However your strength is quite low, and while I appreciate your diligence in your work, we already have enough gold.  In places that are not going to be submerged in molten stone.  In your flight to escape from the very slow moving tide of magma, you did not need to attempt to rescue that gold nugget.  The added weight slowed you down to the unfortunate speed of "slower than the magma", and of course you know the rest.

In honor for your otherwise outstanding service you have been given a slab in your honor near the plumbing access you melted in.  Sadly there was not enough recoverable to bury.  But at least you are already in the tombs...sorta.

-The Administration 

[terkiey]

To all dwarves

There are no socks in the death chamber, don't even look.

[wierd]

Dwarves everywhere: "did you say socks!?" 

[Jimmy T. Malice]

Dear Urist McSiegeOperator,

I know you were a little disappointed by the goblin siege that got entirely caught on weapon traps, but 'Fire at Will' does not mean 'Fire upon dwarves collecting goblin equipment from corpses'. Stop that shit.

[ledgekindred]

Dear Urist McMiner

I'm not entirely sure how you went down the pit with the goblins and ogres, but I apologise for however it happened.

Although... it was pretty funny watching you get thrown around by that captured Forgotten Beast with the deadly dust.  The goblins too. 

Ok, I lie.  Ehehehehe... It was really funny watching the goblins and ogres getting chucked into the pit and tossed around like sacks of plump helmet spawn every time that beast decided to hork up a giant cloud of explosive gas.  Funny enough that I think it was worth the tradeoff between a legendary miner and the lulz.

Bwahahaha... Even better is how his dust made you all fall asleep.  Then you got thrown around while .. ehehehe .. while ... hahhahaha ... while sssssleeping hhahahahaha every time Mister Burpy made a stinky.

Aaahhhahaha... hoooooo... wahhahhahahaha!!  oooooo... boy.  Whoo.  Man... Ok, yeah, totally worth it.

Yrs
Omnicient oversppfffffttttthahhahahhahahah bwaahahahahahahahaha!  *snort*  ahhhahahahahaha!

[Elf Lover]

Dear Urist McLegendaryHammerLord,

I know your wife recently died during an elven ambush. I know your newborn son also died, as she was using him as body armour. That is no excuse, however, for pounding said ambush to a fine paste with your bare fists. That's why you have  a silver warhammer, see?

Yours sincerely,

Armok.

[Greiger]

To Mayor.....#1

You complained about having a meeting in a poor environment according to your thoughts I noticed, so I decided to take a look to see what the problem was.



I see that neither of you are actually IN your office.  You are standing on a traction bench in the hospital, while the liaison is sitting in the chair in your dining room.

How are you two even communicating?  Your request for engraving in your office has been denied.  You don't even use the goddamn thing.

- The Administration

P.S. You are waking the hospital patients with your yelling.  I don't think the liaison can hear you, and I don't think the patients were happy to hear that we haven't ordered any booze for next year.  Walk into your damn room already.

[Doctor_Whiteface]

Dear Urist McEveryone,

Thank you for, despite my worst expectations, managing to wall off the entire lower Cavern layer without a single hitch. Seriously, having all you guys inside at the end of it all was a great bonus after a lot of hard work.

However, walling three GCS in with you was *not* a good move.

On the other hand, the four of you (with three levels of Fighting and two of Wrestler between the lot) managed to beat them to death in less than a week. Congrats. Boatmurdered has never been so strange.

Administration

[wierd]

No no no!

The gcs need to be captured in cage traps, so that they can then be installed in the kitten operated silking room! Willful destruction of such an economically indispensable species is simply unacceptable!

(Basically, create a 2z drop shaft, with a single square packed full of adult cats right next to the exposedd opening, which is totally walled off.

Kittens fall the 2 z levels and are momentarily stunned as they are catsploded from their mothers and from dodging the other members of the feline menace's attacks on the tile above.

The gcs are installed on a supported floor surrounded by a 1 tile wide gap of empty space. The kitten chute drops the kittens directly next to the edge.

The gcs blows out gobs of web spray before feasting on the delicious kitten flesh.
Some of the webs fly over the gap, and into the collection area.