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[mr_seeker]

Dear Urist McPump and Urist McScrew, when I say "pump", I didnt mean "jump"... Now I have to assign dwarves to get you out of the water.

EDIT: Urist McPump just found out how to swim...

[Loud Whispers]

Urist McPump cancels swim. Carp.

[Sutremaine]

Dear Urist Mc10MinuesWastedOnSkillAssignments,
Embark profiles can help next time.

If you're spending 10 minutes on skill assignments alone, then you're probably tailoring skills to individual dwarves. Embark profiles assign skills to dwarves based on their position in the list, not on their stats.

The DGC helps immensely here, although I often ignore its military suggestions in favour of picking dwarves who are fast healers and not horribly clumsy.

[Kogut]

Dear Urist Mc10MinuesWastedOnSkillAssignments,
Embark profiles can help next time.

If you're spending 10 minutes on skill assignments alone, then you're probably tailoring skills to individual dwarves. Embark profiles assign skills to dwarves based on their position in the list, not on their stats.

The DGC helps immensely here, although I often ignore its military suggestions in favour of picking dwarves who are fast healers and not horribly clumsy.

Thanks! I even started preparing similar tool!

[Hitty40]

Dear Urist McCrotchServerer,

Did you really go and server 3 Dwarves' crotches in a tantrum?

[mr_seeker]

Dear Urist McCrotchServerer,

Did you really go and server 3 Dwarves' crotches in a tantrum?

"You cheated on my wife!" *crotch attack*
"You cheated too!" *crotch attack*
"And you... I dont know, but I love the blood!" *crotch attack*

[Necro910]

Dear Urist McCrotchServerer,

Did you really go and server 3 Dwarves' crotches in a tantrum?

"You cheated on my wife!" *crotch attack*
"You cheated too!" *crotch attack*
"And you... I dont know, but I love the blood!" *crotch attack*

Let's just hope those three dwarves weren't women 

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist Mc10MinuesWastedOnSkillAssignments,
Embark profiles can help next time.

If you're spending 10 minutes on skill assignments alone, then you're probably tailoring skills to individual dwarves. Embark profiles assign skills to dwarves based on their position in the list, not on their stats.

The DGC helps immensely here, although I often ignore its military suggestions in favour of picking dwarves who are fast healers and not horribly clumsy.

It helps, with gear if nothing else.

-----

Memo to Aban Halltufts, former stonecrafter of Dawnstone.
Aban, you aren't a stonecrafter anymore; that guy who kicked you out of the workshop and grabbed random stuff is your replacement. Don't worry, though, a position in the militia just opened up! Please report to the militia captain by noon tomorrow to obtain your equipment. We’ll start you with a training spear and move you to the real thing when we’re certain you won’t kill all of your squadmates.
Sincerely,
Olin “Great-Wyrm Bronze” Smootharrows, Expedition Leader, Manager, Sherrif, Broker, and Bookkeeper of Dawnstone.

[Greiger]

To first modded Basilisk to successfully get bred, war trained, and used in combat,(nearly 4 months after I modded you all in)

Good Boy! 
Have a treat!

*envelope contains a choice chunk of raw cow meat*

Impressed by how efficiently you dealt with that master thief.  Seriously, you bit him in the head, latched on, injected venom, AND pushed him into the river in one attack.

Sincerely,
The Administration

[Togre]

Dear Urist McLazyPants (aka Urist McManager/Bookkeeper/Broker),

Do you have any idea how close you came to death?  You are graced with the simplest, least labor intensive tasks of the entire fort.  You have all labors turned off so you do strain your voice.  When a caravan shows up, I don't even make you decide whether or not to go to the Depot, I gave you your very own burrow.  When you staid on break for half a month before reporting to said burrow, I wasn't angry.  When you promptly took a one month break at the Depot instead of trading, I wasn't angry.  When you laziness caused you to get thirsty, I started having facial twitches, but I removed the burrow.  When you decided to take another break after your drink and then grab a snack, I seriously started looking for the magma.  The only reason you are still alive is that you did manage to make a trade before the elves left and you got a giant moose.  That's nice, but you are pushing your luck.  I'm gonna keep an eye on you.

In unrelated news, workmen will be by your office this week to install a lever.  Please accommodate any of their needs.

Your Unamused Overseer

[Loud Whispers]

You mad bro? Bookkeepers have to record EVERY SINGLE ITEM IN YOUR FORTRESS. And there are a lot.

Brokers then have to EVALUATE EVERY SINGLE ITEM IN YOUR FORTRESS. And there are a lot.

Managers.... Well it depends. Sounds like you just have lazy peasants with name tags on their beards pretending to be Brokers and what not D:<

[Togre]

You mad bro?

Mad?   MAAADDD???     MAADDDDD!?!!

No?  Why you ask? 

But, yeah, I know he has actual work to do.  If he had been doing work I would have understood and been able to lighten his load.  But NOOOO, he's by the pool, winking at the cabana boys.

[Loud Whispers]

THAT BOOK KEEPER'S A SPAH!!!

[Nyxalinth]

Dear Forgotten Beasts,

WHY U NO VISIT RIGHTRACK?

Seriously.  Caverns only 6 z-levels down, over 100 dwarves, nearly 1 million wealth?  We not good enough for you, you snobby bastards? 

The bored Overseer of Rightrack

[Hitty40]

Dear Immigrants of SoapTreasures,

If you are not a soapmaker, please don't migrate here.

The overseer.