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[ThatAussieGuy]

To Urist McTriggerHappy


I TOLD your sqaud to discard your crossbows after the last little mishap.  Your squad captain is going toe-to-toe with a Rat Monster with his spear and YOU'RE SHOOTING AT IT INSTEAD OF USING THE STEEL AXE I GAVE YOU.  Be advised I'm making a list of dwarves that have displeased me.  Your squad captain managed to get off the list by dropping his wooden spear for a candy pick and hammer when I told him to.  You would be wise to follow his example if you survive.

Sincerely;

The Circus-Insulting Overlord.

[MonkeyHead]

Dear Urvad Dalkamnish,

I know the order was simple: Build a wall to seperate the garbage drop bridge into magma from the pressure plate to activate it. However, I didnt expect you to stand ON the drop bridge to build the wall having pathed over the pressure plate, thereby dropping yourself into the magma sea. Have fun down there. Your name shall live on, as the first engraved into the hall of idiots.

Yours,

Overseer Monkeyhead.

[Muffindog]

Dear Urist McDrowsy,

Next time when being chased by skeletal deer while the militia is rushing to your aid from the opposite direction, don't fall asleep.

Yours,

Overseer Muffindog.

[JDF117]

Dear Urist McCrafter

  Yes, I know that was a very scary vulture, but you don't have to tell me it's there 50 times while bleating like a little lamb and walking back and forth.

Dear Urist McHastilydraftedminer
 
  Why did you dodge into my moat? Did you think the vulture might tear out your throat if you didn't? You will not be mourned or buried, and your miasma will make only the fish sick.

Yours,

  JDF117

[Teronsuke]

To Urist McTriggerHappy


I TOLD your sqaud to discard your crossbows after the last little mishap.  Your squad captain is going toe-to-toe with a Rat Monster with his spear and YOU'RE SHOOTING AT IT INSTEAD OF USING THE STEEL AXE I GAVE YOU.  Be advised I'm making a list of dwarves that have displeased me.  Your squad captain managed to get off the list by dropping his wooden spear for a candy pick and hammer when I told him to.  You would be wise to follow his example if you survive.

Sincerely;

The Circus-Insulting Overlord.

Dear Circus-Insulting Overlord,
  Ye do be knowin' tha' candy hammers are roughly as dense as styrofoam, don't ye? I'd advise heavily to make them out of somethin' a wee bit denser, like p'raps copper, or silver. Yer choice entirely m'lord, but jus' a thought from a lowly blacksmith.
Sincerely; Urist McMakesYourWeapons

[JDF117]

Dear Urist McCrafter

  Yes, I know that was a very scary vulture, but you don't have to tell me it's there 50 times while bleating like a little lamb and walking back and forth.

Dear Urist McHastilydraftedminer
 
  Why did you dodge into my moat? Did you think the vulture might tear out your throat if you didn't? You will not be mourned or buried, and your miasma will make only the fish sick.

Yours,

  JDF117

Dear JDF117
 
  Gurgle.

Yours,

  Urist Mchastilydraftedminer

[Hitty40]

Dear Urist McDumbass,

When you see a Spideryhoof Pegasus, you run TOWARDS the hole I dug in the ground to safety.

                                     -Your facepalming overseer

[Table Turning]

Uhhh....

Guys, I know you worship Momuz, the god of diseases and blight.  He takes the form of a male dwarf in decay.

...Do you REALLY need to put statues of him screaming and being unnaturally contorted in the dining hall?

Signed: Concerned citizen of the fortress.

[Oaktree]

Dear Urist McMoodydwarf,

While we understand that the mood demands that you put your great this-is-my-life idea into a material object we do not understand this particular manifestation of the Muse.

The history of the Mountainhomes is important but this group of the Taut Gold do not quite need this as a reminder that the elves destroyed one of our cities in the past.  And we want to know why you think a drinking mug needs a picture of a goblin on it - or at least one that is not in the process of being killed or otherwise mangled.

Finally, we are mildly upset that our raw adamantine was use repeatedly in the construction of this item...

Estgest Nicat Lumnum (Cleargloss the Chain of Labyrinths) - a raw adamantine mug
This is a raw adamantine mug.  All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality.  It is encrusted with raw adamantine and indigo tourmaline, studded with adamantine, decorated with cave spider silk and encircled with bands of pig tail fiber.  This object menaces with spikes of raw adamantine.

On the item is an image of The Reigns of Raking the adamantine high boot in raw adamantine.
On the item is an image of elves and dwarves in spore tree.  The elves are massacring the dwarves.  The artwork relates to the defeat of The Taut Gold and destruction of Tangledpages by the Competitive Ivy in the midwinter of 197 during The Destruction of Tangledpages.
On the item is an image of three clouds in giant cave spider silk.  On the item is an image of Amxu Profanelurched the goblin in clear zircon.

[ThatAussieGuy]

To the dwarves of Swordthunders

I NEED a trader on the depot.  ANYONE will do.  Yes, you're all moving stuff to the depot, but I need someone to hock our trash to the them so we get more migrants.  And you.  Yes, you the broker.  Don't think I don't see that you're asleep.  You're on notice, buddy...

[Keldor]

Dear Urist McDwarf;

Please observe...  You know what, never-mind.  You won't read this letter anyway, so I'm not even going to try.  Just don't come complaining to me when the obvious results of your ill-advised actions occur.

At the end of his rope,
Your Overseer

[Kurtisk1]

Dear stupid dorfs,

Do you have some sort of fascination with the lower levels?  There is nothing down there.  Stop taking stones from all the way down there when you're supposed to be taking the stones out that are cluttering up the stockpile rooms!

[ClkWrkJester]

Dear Urist McMother,
Whilst I appreciate that you spent a lot of time giving birth as you did... what, while digging a channel and all... I am afraid that what we have very little of is food and drink, and what we have a lot of is savagry outside.  That means we need metal. Specifically smelted in the lava that channel will bring us.  You obviously understand that need as you worked even during childbirth.

That being said, your little bearded worm has been asleep in the channel for half a season, on and off. When he grows he'll just be a horrid little thing that runs around and eats my food and drinks my drinks. And he is in no way able to assist in making metal to make this mountainside safe for dwarf kind.

I do hope you understand my predicament, and do not mistake my laughter as I start the lava flowing into little baby Urist's ad hoc crib as being amusement. Its laughter of sadness, I assure you.

- Your Overseer.

PS, as a note to all dorfs, lunch today will be pigs in a blanket. Thank you.

Additionally to the Dwarves of Wallblazed- Any migrants coming are advised to leave pets behind. Due to an incident where the legendary armoursmith was nearly killed by goblin ambushers, any and all livestock beyond yaks and cool attack animals will be killed as a matter of habit. Thank you.

[acetech09]

"Dear Urist McMason1,

Although I understand your fixation on building the wall segment outside the city gates, (and I am grateful for that), we are currently under siege by groups of goblins. That being said, I would li- "  ...  ahh crap.


"Dear Urist McMason1 and McMason2,

Although I understand your fix-" ... F***


Dear Urist McMason1,2,3,4

I am deeply saddened that you four masons will be the four unlucky ones to get trapped outside our city walls, as the rest of the masons will be safely insi-


Dear Masons of the Fort.

I'd pretend I'm sorry, but I really don't care about anything anymore.

[ThatAussieGuy]

Dear Id Abelam, Swordsdwarf

Re:  Your hand. 

You utter dumbass.  How you managed to wander onto the sole trap filled with metal spikes in the center of the cat-drop room, i have no idea.  All you had to do was go in and wait for the show to start so you can stop giving a damn about all the atrocities you're going to have to face as a a militia dwarf.  Be thankful you can still wield a sword with one hand, or I'd put you on Circus Scout duty to put you out of my misery.