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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1511519 times)

Wolock

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #2085 on: August 14, 2011, 06:09:11 pm »

Dear Miners Militia members,

I know it's an old custom that you choose a ''hero name'' by which you want to be remember in history after 5 kills, but can you choose something a little shorter and with a meaning? You know that we have to write THIS on EVERY official papers? There is not any sense in being called The Comedic Flame of Faces or The Familial Stalker of Punches. You are destroying the little sanity left in the government officials with your needlessly long and senseless name! If you really want to live up to your I can put your face in magma just for comedy or stalk your family and punch them to death! Do you want that? I can make it happen you know.

Signed
Your tantruming administrator
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RAKninja

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #2086 on: August 14, 2011, 06:13:22 pm »

dear king,
we have no need for any cheesemaker,spinner,yak bollocks extractor or any useless jobs arround here.


sincerely,
peskyninja the Overlord

You call them useless.  I call them shock troops.

You call them shock troops. I call them FB food.
you call them fb food, i call them haulers, to cut down of the current decade of backlogged hauling i have in front of me.

on a related note:

dear hauler's union,

hurry up, i have other tasks for you.

praying for more migrants,
RAK
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Goblin Fortress (NOW UPDATED FOR 34.02!
magma on his bed when he is sleeping, works every time

crekit

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #2087 on: August 14, 2011, 10:13:14 pm »

Dear Urist McGreedyfuck,

When you come on your little fuckin caravan to trade with me, DO NOT demand over 2k in trader profit. I offered 200 profit, more than I usually give. And you stormed off, calling ME a child? I give you ONE more goddamn chance. You pull that shit on me again I WILL KILL YOU AND ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS.

Sincerely,

Fuck you.

Just gota put it out there from my experiences... Traders usually want like 1.5x to 2x the worth the give you. It's based on how much your trading. (Also, Idk but I heard somewhere they bring more stuff depending on how much profit they make.) They ARE the ones who have to leave the safety (lol) of your fort. Just think about all the danger they put up with. Siege? Ambush? Sadistic players? Get your legendary stonecrafter on!
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<-- Has no idea what just happened.

He likes gold, native gold, trees that are made of gold, and tungsten. He likes cats for their haunting meows. He needs dwarf fortress to get through the working day. When possible, prefers to consume Potatoes, cheese, cow milk. Absolutely detests elves. And spiders.

Masta Crouton

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #2088 on: August 14, 2011, 10:19:15 pm »

since when the hell did that make sense? raise the damn prices, don't make some random ass extra charge that you don't tell me about, don't quantify, or ever mention again?

he came next time, and took 20 in profit. good for him. he was THIS close to death...
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crekit

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #2089 on: August 14, 2011, 10:27:05 pm »

Yeah, I guess that makes some sense. Still, my traders always ask for a really big margin. And usually I'm happy to fill it, on the off chance that they bring more stuff!

You see the prices of leather?! Me before traders : "AAck butchers tanners MOAR"
Me after traders : "AACK 11x11 leather stockpile filling up" (slight exaggeration, but seriously they bring in a bin of like 10 leather for 70 bucks. Lots of bins. Hell yes I give them a big margin, I didn't even ASK for leather.)

My actually on topic thing...

Dear migrants... Why do I get my first big wave JUST as I finish hauling all that damned stone from my dining room? Iv been begging for a 40 wave for months!

Whatever, go haul all that damn stone from my bedrooms. And barracks. And traders thingy place. And start that bucket brigade. And build my pumpstack. And engrave those walls, plant those seeds, cut those trees haul that wood mine that stone make those beds cook that booze smelt that ore pave that road calibrate those traps disarm those gobbos bag that sand and WHEN DOES THE NEXT 40 MIGRANT WAVE COME DAMMIT?!

MOAR MIGRANTS PL0X
crekit
« Last Edit: August 14, 2011, 10:33:55 pm by crekit »
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<-- Has no idea what just happened.

He likes gold, native gold, trees that are made of gold, and tungsten. He likes cats for their haunting meows. He needs dwarf fortress to get through the working day. When possible, prefers to consume Potatoes, cheese, cow milk. Absolutely detests elves. And spiders.

Deus Machina

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #2090 on: August 14, 2011, 11:12:16 pm »

Think of it as supplier and retailer pricing. When 'Value' and 'Profit' are both at 0, they're breaking even, but would you want to spend a month with half a dozen unwashed hippies elves behind a pair of oxen and just break even?

'Merchant price' would be better than 'value' and 'profit', but this is a timeframe before set pricing.

Dear military of Lightcities,
  Three ambushes and two dozen dead dwarves later, and Sakzul Febonrel "The Fenced Rope of Coiling" isn't just a hero, he's the only dwarf with any kills.
  Not counting Urist McBlisterpile, who bravely threw his infectious self at a goblin before succumbing to infection, but at least took the goblin (and a llama, turkey, his dog, and two cavies) with him.
  When I drafted you all and removed your hauling, cleaning, and building responsibilities, I kind of assumed that you would spend the time that would otherwise be spent hauling, cleaning, and building in the barracks. Not slacking around. Switching you guys to 'active' only gets you training on the weekend.
  Follow Sakzul's example, grab a spear, and spend some time next to the target so you don't die the next time the greenies show up.


Dear Urist McIdiotNoble,
  You know damn well that crystal glass is bugged. That's why you haven't gotten the armor rack you were made demands for between mandates that we can't take bins to the depot (we're going to talk about that one. They're not getting traded, it's just easier to carry them than everything out of them.) and you're demanding a handful of crafters punished.
  See, I'm more than happy to give you that green window you demanded, even though your room is exactly in the center of the mountain, you idiot.
  You know what the view through that window is? It's a floodgate.
  Your next demand better be for a lever, because that's what you're getting.
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Quote from: KillerClowns
Beneath the slade, there is sheep. By all that his holy, there are so many sheep down there. I don't know why it's sheep.

Masta Crouton

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #2091 on: August 14, 2011, 11:18:43 pm »

i realize this, but asking me to pay 4x the amount of money i spent is stupid effin ridiculous.

i'm derailing this topic....
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Deus Machina

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #2092 on: August 15, 2011, 12:51:51 am »

Dear Dwarf Therapist,
  Please start translating again.
  'Urvad Litastked (Urvad Litastked)' is boring and useless, while 'Urvad Litastked (Urvad Torchfed), Noble' is accurately and wonderfully descriptive.
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Quote from: KillerClowns
Beneath the slade, there is sheep. By all that his holy, there are so many sheep down there. I don't know why it's sheep.

m4davis

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #2093 on: August 15, 2011, 01:27:43 am »

dear urist mceveryone this is a psa if all the barrels are full and we need booze or we are all going to die remove the stuff thats in the barrels



your Quite honestly angry booze less overseer
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Max176

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #2094 on: August 15, 2011, 01:57:39 am »

Dear Urist McNoble,
I hope you find your new accommodations appropriate, as you seem to have such a love for slade. I decided to place you in the location that you would like best! Enjoy!
From,
Your Loyal Overseer.
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I'm mining out and admixture every section of adamant ore I can get my easily on to alternation my armoursmith up to allegorical so he can accomplish actively alarming armour for my aggressive. again I'm traveling to do the aforementioned for weapons.

Necro910

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #2095 on: August 15, 2011, 02:15:19 am »

Dear Urist McNoble,
I hope you find your new accommodations appropriate, as you seem to have such a love for slade. I decided to place you in the location that you would like best! Enjoy!
From,
Your Loyal Overseer.
Dear Overseer Max,
pppppppffffBAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

With magma,
Overseer Necro

Tiruin

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #2096 on: August 15, 2011, 05:19:19 am »

Dear Urist McGreedy****,

When you come on your little ****in caravan to trade with me, DO NOT demand over 2k in trader profit. I offered 200 profit, more than I usually give. And you stormed off, calling ME a child? I give you ONE more goddamn chance. You pull that **** on me again I WILL KILL YOU AND ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS.

Sincerely,

**** you.

Dear Trader,
We are the same civilization - Dwarves that is, and you should know that we need a profit in the fact that we made all that travel just to get here. Not to mention the fact that we also bring in much needed supplies until either you help change the hierarchy or what not.

Also, I guess you had no other items on hand so we picked the next best thing, you either need to put up more stuff so we could haggle a bit more or at least work on your negotiation skills, that helps a lot in trading.

Do not forget, the trading edict states that when trading with novice merchants, we need at least ~20-30% profit of the item in question. When you get your silver-tongue rolling then we can speak on better bargains. Until then, may our fortunes rise and fall together

-Urist McMerchant Leader
Merchant Guild


~~~~~
Note: the facts about trading are in between the lines. If you don't want to look for them then here they are:

There is no "set" value so the merchants will accept the good, it depends on how much you ask for and how much you trade them for. The merchant will accept/refuse or counter depending on their Mood and on how good your broker is (social skills - negotiator, persuader, conversationalist, appraiser...)

Also note that if you set your military to attack the dwarven caravan, it would end up in serious consequences.

Check the bugs if you see the link.
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Togre

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #2097 on: August 15, 2011, 05:44:34 am »

Dear Urist McMarkdwarf,

Giants are dangerous, wolves are annoying.  So when I assemble my entire fledgling military you can be ELFIN' sure its not to deal with wolves but that 20ft. tall building wrecker battering at my doors.  So don't attack the wolves--at HIM!!!  And, if--and there is no way this should happen--but IF you absolutely NEED to kill a few wolves instead of engaging the giant, remember you are an ELFIN' MARKSDWARF!!!! Running at the wolf to bean him with your weapon is a) stupid and b) putting you closer to the giant.  You own my swordsdwarf major kudos (Major Kudos!) for getting to the giant in time and ripping him a new one.

Your overseer.


PS--You are so lucky if haven't found the magma yet.
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"Hey guys, you know how I've been repeatedly injuring you over and over again for the purpose of training up a team of high skilled doctors? Yeah well we didn't actually need to do that."

Reudh

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #2098 on: August 15, 2011, 07:49:11 am »

Dear UristMcCookTurnedSmith,

Please hurry up and forge that iron chain. We really want to release our unicorns for training and make pincushions out of our prisoners so we can get some TRAINING before the first siege!

Sincerely, minor deity Reudh.

Wolock

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #2099 on: August 15, 2011, 12:31:43 pm »

Dear Mosus Dastotkab ''Swordname'',

We are pleased to inform you that you make us smile when we have learned that you love using swords. For that, you are promoted to militia captain of our new swordsdwarves squad.

P.S.: The overseer has personally ordered that your name be changed to ''Fighter'' and start laughing. We don't understand why, but the word of the overseer is law so enjoy your new name.

Sincerely,
The Administration of Strongfaith
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