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[Niccolo]

Dear Urist McWhomeverBitTheForgottenBeastInTheHeadAndKilledIt,

Why?

Yrs,
Apparently Not That Omniscient Overlord

Dear Overlord;

I got sick of kiten tallow biscuits and decided to try something else.

Sincerely.
Urist McCrazy

[Theifofdreams]

Dear Urist Mcfeymood...
Why, oh why, do you insist on waiting to continue gathering items when the fortress doesn't have 1 item you wanted, but it's in the middle of the list so you stop?
I have a hard enough time figuring out what, exactly, you're missing when you list vague items, let alone when you refuse to clarify which item on the list we're missing.

[krisslanza]

Dear entire military,

Please, when I tell you to equip the weapons we have laying around the fortress, please do so. Wrestling a Nightwing isn't working out for you. I hoped you would think a spear or a halberd would help - this thing has been ripping you all to bits on its own. Stop using your bare hands.

[ThatAussieGuy]

To the moody craftsdwarves/eldricht horrors that occasionally possess them;

Re; Artifact decoration.

Stop. With. The Elves.  Every second artifact that gets produced has at least one image of a goddamn elf on it.  Honestly, I'm getting worried about where your allegiances lie.  The damned things have only ever turned up to attack us twice in about 25 years and both times they got slaughtered.  If this continues, I'm gonna rig up magma channels with floodgates to the workshops to deal with this.  You are all on notice!

[Niccolo]

Dear Urist Mcfeymood...
Why, oh why, do you insist on waiting to continue gathering items when the fortress doesn't have 1 item you wanted, but it's in the middle of the list so you stop?
I have a hard enough time figuring out what, exactly, you're missing when you list vague items, let alone when you refuse to clarify which item on the list we're missing.

The order they list them in is the order they want to collect. Use [t] to figure out what they don't have.

Dear goblins:

Please go away. You've murdered all of my surface-side dwarves and nearly half of my military, which is embarrasing. Now bugger off.

[RAKninja]

Dear Urist Mcfeymood...
Why, oh why, do you insist on waiting to continue gathering items when the fortress doesn't have 1 item you wanted, but it's in the middle of the list so you stop?
I have a hard enough time figuring out what, exactly, you're missing when you list vague items, let alone when you refuse to clarify which item on the list we're missing.

The order they list them in is the order they want to collect. Use [t] to figure out what they don't have.

Dear goblins:

Please go away. You've murdered all of my surface-side dwarves and nearly half of my military, which is embarrasing. Now bugger off.

der ovser,

send moar dorfs

te gblns

[Hitty40]

Dear overseer,

Please quit vomiting in the booze and making it explode.

                                                           -G

[Deus Machina]

Dear military of Lightcities,

I told you to train, every month. You only have to pair up to train. I turned off all your other labors.

So how is it that a half dozen greenie ambushers mowed down over a half of you?

Deciding between upgrading you to iron until we get steel done or just sending you off for wrestler training,
the overseer.

[Broseph Stalin]

Dear UristMcMason,

You haven't had any work to do since you finished all the major construction projects and built cabinets for everyone's quarters about seven months ago. There's a forgotten beast in the caverns now and I need you to build one square of floor over the entrance before it gets loose in the fort and murders everyone. Maybe you understand now that THERE IS NOT A SINGLE DAMNED REASON FOR YOU TO BE "ON BREAK!"

Sincerely the voice that tells you to do things.

[lazygun]

Dear Urist McHauler

There is a stockpile clearly labelled 'metal strands' right next to the strand extractor's workshop and just above the magma smelters.
The stockpile 168 levels above, next to the farms, the millstone and the weavers shop is clearly labelled 'no metal here'
So why for the sake of Armok are you carrying the output from the strand extractor, up 168 flights of stairs and dumping it in the bins up there.
Well, at least the furnace operators are getting plenty of exercise. But I would really prefer that their work progress faster.

Yours sincerely,
Your fortress overseer, banging his head on the table.

[Daywalkah]

Dear Urist McMayor and Fortress Guard,

Your mandates of various items leading to the punishment and death of a Spearmaster have gone on for far too long.

Sincerely, the almighty one who just drowned you in your own bedrooms.

[Hitty40]

Dear Katana, Mayor:

You may be the only male in the fortress, but can you PLEASE stop fucking the other females?

[ledgekindred]

Dear Lorbam Sazirvel, Tanner,

I asked you to pit that badger.  Instead, you decided to strangle it to death.  Perhaps you are frustrated in your job.  Maybe you wanted to make a little extra work for yourself once the butchers were done with the corpse.  Although you are ecstatic about your life, frankly I'm a little worried about you. 

Nervously,
Your Omniscient Overseer

[Jake]

Dear Overseer,

The bastard thing nearly had my thumb off and I lost my temper a bit. Sue me.

Lorbam

(Seriously, pitting dangerous creatures means there's a chance they'll attack the dwarf doing it. Fortunately some dwarves will choose to fight back rather than dropping it and running.)

[narhiril]

Dear Katana, Mayor:

You may be the only male in the fortress, but can you PLEASE stop fucking the other females?

You should rename him "Captain Morgan."  Because everyone has a little captain in them.