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[Ricky]

Dear Badgers, Badger men and women, and Giant Badgers,

   Thank you kindly for steadily supplying our fortress with meals, crafts, and totems. Due to the Legendary works of our hunter, who has managed to kill over 100 of your kind over the last 5 years, you have kept my fortress full and prosperous. And for the few badgers that have managed to get themselves caught in my traps, thank you for entertaining my military.

Regards,
   Your Benevolent Leader

[Mr. Dwarfinton]

Dear Urist McPrisoner,

Yes, I am running a simulation of a prison in this fort. No, you won't be trapped in a small room with one food chute if you make that rope. Yes, the rope which will give us a well since we have run out of plump helmet spawn and booze.
If you continue to fail to do this I'll find a way to keep you alive and trap you in a 1x1 room for the rest of the fort, if you survive.

Sincerely,
               Your annoyed overseer.

[PCpaste]

Dear Urist McEx-Leader now McEngraver,

You're still engraving the entire fortress. Several mayors have taken your place over the years. A few children have been born. We've seen new dogs, eaten old dogs... Survived several goblin armies...

Urist, do you know why i'm doing this to you?

You aren't allowed to stop untuil you know why i'm doing this to you.

With love,
The overseer of the Blood Halls of Mortality

P.S. Stop taking so many breaks, and maybe you'll finish a little sooner. And the Quartzite table party happens every couple minutes, you can just attend the inevatable later one. Just finish up, and you can get back to carrying hundreds of rocks, taking space, taking resources, and attending table parties.

[Alestom]

Dear Urist McMarksdwarf
      Why do you keep bashing people in the HEAD WITH YOUR CROSSBOW WHEN YOU STILL HAVE BOLTS?! Now I have to throw you in the !!FUN!! room since you have too many injuries and we have too few threads for patients. Say hi to Armok for me you Carp Hugging Long-Ears.

Sincerely, Overlord

Dea' Overlord,

 But sir! tha' gree'skih' was on tha' ground bleedin' 'is life out! I thought tha' if a lad was dien' we was aloud to kill 'em in tha' most brutal way we could tink of!

Sincereleh UristMcMarksdwarf

[billybobfred]

To: Urist McManager
Re: Breaks

Your job is simple. You go to your office, you write down some orders, and somehow, magically, these orders get to the workshops. It takes three seconds, and you can goof around for the entire rest of the year.

You do not need breaks.

Normally, I'd find this only mildly irritating. But this is a succession fort! Your delay prevented the prison from being built during my year, and I can't guarantee that the next overlord will have any desire to finish it.

If I could add criminals to the list at will, you'd be scheduled for 100 days for violating a production order. And then you'd be executed because there's no prison to lock you up in. (oh armok i'm a noble what have i become????? D: D: D:)

[jaxy15]

To: Urist McEngraver.
Re: The dead vermin hunter

Seriously. The vermin hunting troglodyte wasn't that important.
Don't run to take his corpse if the damn ogre is still there.
Your life was almost ogre.

[The Merchant Of Menace]

Dear ‼Dwarves‼

...

Yours Flammably
         Tenshi, Overseer

[jaxy15]

Dear Urist McWoodcutter,

Okay, that's disgusting.
Why the hell did you make a prepared meal from 15 amounts of cocaine and a few reindeer livers?!

[Jamuro]

Dear UristMcMason

it's not a good idea to go on a break, while the last tile of the wall guarding the fortress is not finished ... and a siege is waiting outside.

10 dead dwarfs and a new Magma drowning Chamber MasonsWorkshop later, FUN is restored

[Greiger]

sorry about dragging this ancient one up, but it made me nearly wet myself with laughter, the image of some fish thing coming through a dwarven waterfall, probably covered in blood, going:
'take these *pig tail fibre* socks!'
is too much of an opportunity to miss.

Thank you, I think it was some kind of comedy strange mood for me.  Usually my jokes suck.

Dear Urist McWoodcutter,

Okay, that's disgusting.
Why the hell did you make a prepared meal from 15 amounts of cocaine and a few reindeer livers?!

To Overseer,

I thought I heard the fortress guard, seemed to be the best place to stash it all.  As an aside, I think I figured out a new biscuit recipe that will knock your socks off.

Urist McWoodcutter.

[Deus Machina]

Dear human diplomat,

When you came begging for peace, I originally wanted to answer with an axe because 1) this war started when you showed up at my doorstep with some completely unprovoked vendetta against woodcutters' spleens and eyeballs and B) you're also the human law-giver, and I thought responding to "please stop putting bolts through our faces" would best be dealt with "shut up, and deal without your leader".

But I think I'll save that little giggle in case your general ever comes around. That seems more useful.

And I do owe your last caravan guard's Captain McBadass a debt of honor for marching out to meet the last siege with leather armor and a copper spear and single-handedly kill every last troll save the one that beat him with a gold door so the goblins could surround him.

So, I think I'll take your offer. Mostly because all the blood has soaked into the trees so bad that our new beds stink. Besides, we just sold you so much of your own uselessly large crap--even after keeping the metal stuff to melt--that we just got a 10 FPS boost.

Happy to see you leave, because you're going quicker,
the overseer.

[cameron1124]

Dear urist mcbonecarver/butcher

Now I realise that having two jobs can be rather stressful but it is no excuse for being drinking/sleeping/eating whenever the hunter brings in a fresh kill and having it go rotten. because you fail to butcher the animals, not only do you not have a second job YOU DONT EVEN DO THE FIRST! I hope you realise that the only reason that the fortress hasnt starved to death yet is because Urist mcfarmer has been picking alot of berries lately. you are very lucky I dont have access to magma

sincerely,
your annoyed overseer

[gomwon]

Dear Urist McPotter.

I congratulate you on achieving such great strength. Not many potters can jam their fist through a mayors brain. However useless the mayor was, murder is not acceptable. After the titan attack, destroying our entire initial force, you will now be a lone fighter. You will fight the next onslaught, alone.

Sincerely, An Irritated Overlord.

--

Dear Urist McMiner.

I know i asked the other miners to punch a hole into the magma chamber. You did not need to join in, and attempt to mine something INSIDE the chamber. You should be glad i saved you, as i am unusually forgiving for an Overseer.

Sincerely, A Stressed Overlord.

--

Dear Urist McCarpenter.

Next time you decide to rip apart your own bedroom, think of the time and effort i put into building the bedroom chambers. I know it is stressing, to leave your friend rotting in the hallways, but my masons are all dying themselves, and i cannot build him a coffin. You will have to endure, putting him into the corpse pile, that is steadily rising after the titan attack.

Also, you are jailed. Unfortunately, we have not finished the magma pump food and water dispenser, so learn, and do not wreck the place.

[Fredd]

  Dear Doc,
News recently reached me of your latest boo boo in our top secret training center. When your baby got punctured there, after you went to retrieve a recently punctured cat I thought you had learned your lesson. But nooooooooooooooooo, you just had to go give water to a soldier training there.
 As you rest from your wounds, I hope you think about all the trouble it caused. Its a pain to cut off the power to the area, and the soldiers lost valuable. Think about this, and also wonder if I will reassign you to garbage detail.

 P.S Tell your brother to quit taking the armorers pet rabbit, when he goes to use the bathroom. I know toilet paper has not been created yet, tell him to just use old clothes that are scattered around. Bertha is wasting valuable soap washing off her bunny, and I think the poor rabbit might develop a complex.
 
Sincerely,
The Boss

[MythagoWoods]

Dear Unicorn,

WHY?!? FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND SOME THAT ISN'T, WHY?!? WE JUST WANTED YOUR DELICIOUS VENISON STEAKS!

Sincerly,
Half the civilian population of Whisperedgroves