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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1553824 times)

Kastrol Aslaasri

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1725 on: May 29, 2011, 09:24:24 pm »

Dear Urist McHammerdwarf:

No, you CAN'T grab a barrel of delicious booze with your two arms broken.
Please go to your nearest hospital.

Sincerely, the Overseer.
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She was also sad that her father's corpse was rotting in his bedroom, but that's a minor inconvenience.
I love this game so much.

OMGTANGERINES

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1726 on: May 29, 2011, 10:08:50 pm »

Dear Urist McNoble,

Please don't pull that lever. It's the one that floods the entryway from a highly pressurized major river.

Sincerely, The Overseer.
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We were hoping for a constant fort at some point, having players in different time zones so that the fort never actually stopped running.  Come back overnight and find a giant penis has been constructed.  Glory to the penis gods.

Sarda

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1727 on: May 29, 2011, 10:10:38 pm »

Dear Urist McHammerdwarf:

No, you CAN'T grab a barrel of delicious booze with your two arms broken.
Please go to your nearest hospital.

Sincerely, the Overseer.
Yes he can. Look at how dorfs forge stuff, after all.
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You'll have to provide warm, moist kittens at the end of each test chamber.
Dwarf Fortress:
Where 9% of your town is casualties, is good.

FrankMcFuzz

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1728 on: May 29, 2011, 10:15:35 pm »

Dear Urist McThresher, ex Urist McSwordsdwarf.

You have received treament for the wound to your wrist years ago, why do you still flood the messagebox with cancellations of "Too injured"? You only injured one hand, damn it. Use the other one.

Sincerely, the Overseer
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Urist cancels rest injury: Too injured

Sarda

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1729 on: May 29, 2011, 10:17:07 pm »

The doctor probably sucked at treating him. Wound him again.
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You'll have to provide warm, moist kittens at the end of each test chamber.
Dwarf Fortress:
Where 9% of your town is casualties, is good.

Lielac

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1730 on: May 30, 2011, 12:34:58 am »

HEY! Urist McOnlyDecentWeaponsmith!

You may have noticed I made a few military squads. You may have noticed they are unarmed. You definitely noticed the forges, as you built them.

I guess what I'm saying is MAKE ME SOME ARMOK-DAMNED WEAPONS INSTEAD OF PARTYING AND BOOZING, YOU LAZY @#$%!

Only not magma'ing you because you're the only decent weaponsmith and I need you,
Overseer Lielac

P.S.: Making one battleaxe and then going on break only makes me want to break your face in.
« Last Edit: May 30, 2011, 12:37:04 am by Lielac »
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Lielac likes adamantine, magnetite, marble, the color olive green, battle axes, cats for their aloofness, dragons for their terrible majesty, women for their beauty, and the Oxford comma for its disambiguating properties. When possible, she prefers to consume pear cider and nectarines. She absolutely detests kobolds.

HoleyDam

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1731 on: May 30, 2011, 12:57:30 pm »

Attention all Urist McGlitches,

Next time I see a dwarf slip past the plumbing grates (that I'm sure were installed properly and don't let dwarves through) I'm turning the water supply on full blast...

- Your baffled Overseer

P.S.: Swim practice at the Fun Room has been canceled.
« Last Edit: May 30, 2011, 12:59:56 pm by HoleyDam »
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PCpaste

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1732 on: May 30, 2011, 03:51:44 pm »

Dear Urists,

The fish that has taken residence under our bridge isn't going to do anything to you. Just cross it, you'll see, you'll be fine.

Patiently, the Overseer of "The Blood-Halls of Mortality".
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Dwarf Fortress: The only game where an Artificial Intelligence-controlled unit can pull the pants off someone and the proceed to beat said someone to death with said pants.

evileeyore

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1733 on: May 30, 2011, 04:13:19 pm »

Dear Urists,

The fish that has taken residence under our bridge isn't going to do anything to you. Just cross it, you'll see, you'll be fine.

Patiently, the Overseer of "The Blood-Halls of Mortality".

Dear Overseer,

HAVE YE LOOKED IT IN THE EYES?  IT'S A MAD CARP I TELL YE!  MAD!  IT'S GOT THE WITCHY EYE!


Spooked as all get out,
Urist, Urist, and Bomrek
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Niccolo

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1734 on: May 30, 2011, 08:45:37 pm »

The doctor probably sucked at treating him. Wound him again.

Only in Dwarf Fortress is the solution to bad surgery to wound them again.

Dear Elves:

I have been gleefully butchering your caravans for as long as my fortress has stood here. Admittedly it's only been two years, but hey. Now look here. Bring something other than piles and piles of cloth; the dwarven capital is getting sick of all the pig-tail-fibre clother I'm foisting off on them.

Sincerely, Administrator of that place none of your brethren return from.
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What's wrong with using magma? That's almost always the easiest method.
I have issues channeling it properly to do that method. I end up flooding the fortress with magma.
Check out my RtD!

DrKillPatient

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1735 on: May 30, 2011, 08:57:56 pm »

Dear Imush Paddlenose the Duties of Obeisance,
I wish to congratulate you on your recent destruction of Ufalo the forgotten beast. Despite the feathery snail spewing poisonous spittle at you, you managed to block the venom and charge across a small bridge toward it, somehow managing not to fall off as you were batted around by its wings. In addition, although your companions failed to come along for the fight, you singlehandedly (literally, as I recall you lost your right arm a while ago) removed both its wings and sent it crashing to the cavern floor some 25 Urists below with a third and final axe blow to the head. You may have noticed that at the time it was destroying the only support that held the Mayor's office from the roof of the cavern. In killing this beast, you've managed to save the Mayor's life, as well as over one million Urists in wealth-- including several artifacts-- that would have otherwise plummeted downward to its doom. I should hope that this letter gets to you soon, although you may be a bit occupied with strangling the speargoblin squad outside with your bare hands hand.

Excellent work.

- Overseer KillPatient

EDIT: She just bit a goblin's arms off and kicked his skull in. She'd be getting the mayor's office if it hadn't been engineered to kill whoever's inside it easily in case of slade mandates.
« Last Edit: May 30, 2011, 08:59:36 pm by DrKillPatient »
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"Frankly, if you're hanging out with people who tell you to use v.begin() instead of &v[0], you need to rethink your social circle."
    Scott Meyers, Effective STL

I've written bash scripts to make using DF easier under Linux!

Syrup Roast

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1736 on: May 30, 2011, 11:12:30 pm »

The doctor probably sucked at treating him. Wound him again.

Only in Dwarf Fortress is the solution to bad surgery to wound them again.
You know what I'd like in this game? Regular checkups from the doctors on the hospital's previous residents. It's not like the doctors are doing much.
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My answer to just about everything is magma. In fact, most threads end up with me running in screaming it 

Samuel

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1737 on: June 02, 2011, 01:02:33 pm »

Memo to Pet Owners of Roastring:

If you're able to identify which chunk of crushed goo used to be your pet, you're welcome to keep the goo.

-Management.
« Last Edit: June 02, 2011, 02:25:59 pm by Samuel »
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MantisMan

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1738 on: June 02, 2011, 02:16:09 pm »

Note to Miners:

When mining out a series of designations, please try to mine out one room at a time. That way, I can start designating stockpiles, or building workshops without having to hover over your shoulder and micromanage all of your digging designations.

-Overmind
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How I usually build my fort.
We're all secretly mantises. Except that one guy. We're trolling the shit out of him.

gentgeen

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #1739 on: June 02, 2011, 06:19:45 pm »

Dear Pansy Elfs:


Yes, I know that shortly after your caravan's arrival Ololil was besieged by goblins. (Interesting coincidence, hmmm) However, your merchants were already much closer to the entrance of the Caņon of Death then the closest gobbos, who were otherwise busy chasing down a puppy that had been allowed to wander around. Had they just continued on into the Caņon and then to the trade depot, they'd be safe, and we'd be trading happily whilst the gobbos and trolls ground themselves into ribbons in the Caņon. Instead, they decided to flee, right into a squad of trolls. Good luck with that.

The Missing Count of Ololil
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