Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[shadenight123]

Dear urists mc soldiers,
why don't you do as uristmcadventurer does? with his *never dodges* thing? you're clad in iron, clad in steel, you should die with honour, and never yield...so why do you DROWN in dishonor?
sincerely,
Overseerofwar.

[Deus Machina]

Dear Urist McInjured,

Take a break. Seriously, you're completely entitled.

I know you hear me yelling at the other soldiers for stubbing their toe and sleeping for seasons in the hospital. That is not acceptable.

What is acceptable is resting after an elk severs an arm, breaks both legs, tears off an ear, puts your eye out, and breaks your lower back. However much I appreciate your dedication, I do not need four pages of 'Urist McInjured cancels Pick Up Equipment: too injured. x8' when  other dwarves take off for weeks after squirrel bites.

For Armok's sake, take a day off.

[shadenight123]

Dear Urist McInjured,

Take a break. Seriously, you're completely entitled.

I know you hear me yelling at the other soldiers for stubbing their toe and sleeping for seasons in the hospital. That is not acceptable.

What is acceptable is resting after an elk severs an arm, breaks both legs, tears off an ear, puts your eye out, and breaks your lower back. However much I appreciate your dedication, I do not need four pages of 'Urist McInjured cancels Pick Up Equipment: too injured. x8' when  other dwarves take off for weeks after squirrel bites.

For Armok's sake, take a day off.

Revenge never takes a day off!!! cough cough cough! *blood spattering*
sincerely, uristmcinjured.

[noah22223]

Dear Urist McScared:

That forgotten beast down the grate can't hurt you.
If you won't stop being scared of it, I will have your next vacation be in the caverns.

Sincerely, Overseer Noah.

[evileeyore]

Dear Urist McIchthyophobic,

You are on a 5 tile wide bridge, the river is 2 z-levels below you, there is a graterail to keep you from falling in, and a roof to protect you from airborne predation...  THE DAMN PIKE AND GAR CANNOT GET TO YOU!

Look, just go finish hauling the supplies from the wagon's resting place before everyone starves or I'll make sure you're dropped into a deep pond filled with those wee little fishies.


Sincerely,  Overseer evileeyore

[Jake]

Dear gate guards of Roughplan (and a more apt name was never randomly generated),

I'm not sure if you don't like the uniform I devised, resent the Rapid Response squads being allowed to just sling a suit of chainmail on over their everyday wear whilst you have to wear the full getup (red coat, white shirt, blue trousers and leather high boots, with a breastplate and helmet) or are just literal-minded to a fault, but it's perfectly okay to wear your own clothes until we have enough uniforms to go around. Go and put some trousers on before you catch your deaths.

Your exasperated but highly amused Avatar of Armok

(later)

Dear off-duty gate guards of Roughplan,

Now don't take this the wrong way, because I like to consider myself a broad-minded and progressive sort of fellow. If that's the lifestyle you've chosen then more power to you.
But for Armok's sake, guys, there's no need to be so fundamentalist about it. We have snow on the ground for eleven months of the year and the brook hasn't thawed once in four years; even the most militant naturists make allowances for that kind of weather.

Your bewildered, even more exasperated and hysterically laughing Avatar of Armok.

[Niccolo]

Dear Urist McMiner and others:

McMiner, You are a miner. Literally, your only reason for existence is to mine stuff. Therefore, you have no reason to follow the expedition leader around like a lost puppy for months waiting to hold a meeting with him. Thanks to you, the fortress' only chance of getting a supply of water to last through the frozen season is gone. When you die of thirst I am gonig to laugh at you.

The rest of you, fuck you all. There's no food left. I brought triple the amount just because I knew you'd all eat like pigs. How the hell did you eat it all in two seasons? I hope you all starve.

[Ahrimahn]

Dear militia

Wear the pants I assign you to wear while I am happy you remember the part of the uniform abOve the waist you seem incredibly averse to the pants please this would not be a problem because it is still spring and the elves are not at war with us but I don't like the reports ive been hearing from the medical staff about severed penii and torn anuses when suiting up for the danger room remember your armor please!

[Syrup Roast]

Dear militia

Wear the pants I assign you to wear while I am happy you remember the part of the uniform abOve the waist you seem incredibly averse to the pants please this would not be a problem because it is still spring and the elves are not at war with us but I don't like the reports ive been hearing from the medical staff about severed penii and torn anuses when suiting up for the danger room remember your armor please!

Something about torn anuses because of spears in the danger room doesn't sound right...

[Ahrimahn]

The spinning wooden training spear hits Urist in the anus! The severed part sails off in an arc!

[Dude_Jebawe]

Dear Urist McBucketHauler,

I realize that I designated that pond with several zones so more dwarves would dump the water there, and that this might confuse you. That does not, however, excuse taking the water from said pond and then dumping it back in. Get the water from the river, Urist, It's there for a reason.

Sincerely,

Your somewhat amused overseer.

[Necro910]

The spinning wooden training spear hits Urist in the anus! The severed part sails off in an arc!

Urist gives in to pain.

[Syrup Roast]

The spinning wooden training spear hits Urist in the anus! The severed part sails off in an arc!

Urist gives in to pain.

lol someone cancelled his WoW account.

[Necro910]

The spinning wooden training spear hits Urist in the anus! The severed part sails off in an arc!

Urist gives in to pain.

lol someone cancelled his WoW account.

Urist has gone insane!

Urist has been struck with melancholy.

[Angel Of Death]

Dear Urist McGhost.


Please stop killing people. The more you kill, the less of a chance you have of being buried.


Yours sincerly, a very tired Overseer.