Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Angel Of Death]

My dear, dear Urist McMurderer.

There was a useless migrant standing right in front of you but NO, you wanted Legendary Miner Bones for your project... WHY IN ARMOK'S NAME DIDN'T YOU KILL THE USELESS MIGRANT!?!?

And, what do you do with his corpse? You cut it up and make a dwarf bone helmet with no decorations on it.

Yours truly, a very pissed off AoD

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McMiner,
You broke a leg and decided to wait for help.
However, you had been digging and standing just fine on your broken leg just before deciding to rest on the hospital floor.
The chief medical dwarf did not come. Months passed.
Now, get up and get back to work! Or at least empty that nice bucket of water next to you and go into a bed.
GWG, Ovrsr.

Dear Urist McMilitiaCommander,
Go and help Urist McMiner unless you want your militia commander and chief medical dwarf positions to be revoked, as well as your permssion to use weapons and armor.
GWG, Ovrsr.

[EddyP]

Dear Urist McChild:
When mommy is operating the ballista, don't stand in front of it.

Dear UristMcIdler:
When the child is hit by the ballista bolt, don't stand in front of the ballista and clean up the blood.

[Vorthon]

Dear Urist McChild:
When mommy is operating the ballista, don't stand in front of it.

Dear UristMcIdler:
When the child is hit by the ballista bolt, don't stand in front of the ballista and clean up the blood.

Classic.

[jaxy15]

Dear Urist McSwordsdwarf,

Seriously?
You were scared of a giant olm when two dogs were dominating it?
You're a wuss.

Sincerely, an overseer.

[GreatWyrmGold]

MEMORANDUM
Re: All dorfs, dwarves
Sub: Wounded in hospital

If a dwarf is wounded due to falls, wild beasts, or other dangers, s/he will most likely resta and wait for the lazy chief medical dwaf to stop ignoring them. Until then, they will likely not retrieve their own food.
Many of you have nothing to do somethimes. Here's and idea: Feeding starving miners and such is far more important than stockpiling clay.
GWG, Ovrsr.

MEMORANDUM
Re: All dorfs, dwarves, semi-intelligent livestock, etc
Sub: Trading
First, 'grats on feeding the miner. See if you can apply that idea to aged livestock.
However...remember the other wounded guy? The broker? When I said anyone could trade, that did not just mean her. it couldhave been Urist McEngraver, Urist McMason, Urist McWoodWorker, or even Urist McCrushedByAFallingCeilingHahaYouWereUseless's pet cavy for all I care!
Seriously.
GWG, Ovrsr.

[Corwyn]

Dear Urist Miner-matchstick,

  It has come to my attention that after being given orders to create a channel around that oddly shaped volcano cap to prevent any fire imps or other land-walking beasts from getting loose, you dug out the ramp from atop the ramp.

  Good job.  I only wish that the ramp down I had you make to try and escape didn't serve as a ramp up for everyone else to try and fetch your corpse and socks and die to the imps as well.

SingedSigned,
 Corwyn, former management.

[Sphalerite]

Dear masons of Ibmatstukos,

That elf swordsman you are so afraid of is two Z-levels down, behind fortifications, in a walled-off pit, unconscious, and bleeding heavily with half a dozen bolts in him.  Please stop canceling your jobs because of him.  I don't care if you're scared of him, or want to get closer to point and laugh, just get the damn wall finished already.

Dear marksdwarves of Ibmatstukos,

When I tell you to stand behind the fortifications, I would appreciate if you'd where I tell you two, immediately behind the fortifications, rather than a random location kind of near them where you can't actually see the elves to shoot them.

[Deus Machina]

Dear Urist McIdler,

I designated those levers to be pulled, and expected them to be pulled soon. We needed those to block out the goblin ambushers. You left it up to the human caravan guards to hold them back, and still let a few over to be dealt with Urist McRecruit.


Dear Urist McRecruit,

Thanks for being one of the few to properly outfit yourself with the last wave of goblins' old equipment. Don't get attached to that stuff, I'm melting down all the bronze as soon as we can keep the greenies away long enough to get some proper steel going.

Please hurry up to defend the bridges next time. We lost three of your inexperienced friends to the goblins before you showed up.

Despite that, you're being promoted. Urists McDeadrecruits failed to achieve any more than superficial bruises on the goblins between them, but you seem to have found the best lash that the gobbos left, and there are reports of goblin pieces flying off in every direction like you were beating them with a Salad Shooter. Eventually, two of the three decided they would rather brave the deepest level of the dry moat rather than your whip.

You get to keep the whip until we get a masterwork one inlaid with gems for you.

Planning a lasher squad now,
the overseer.

[Olith McHuman]

Dear Mayor:

I must assure you that our militia captain had nothing to do with your failed mandate, but I'm sure you know best. Here's a wooden hammer and some wooden armor. You're the captain of the guard now. If you wish to beat up our candy clad super buff militia captain, he's over there dealing with the sieging great fiend spiders. Have !!fun!!.

Dear Undertakers:

Regrettably, our dear Mayor wandered outside during the siege. She was webbed by a great fiend spider, ignited by a hellfire imp, turned into a pincushion by the nightwings, and then, tragically, pounded into the ground by a jotunar. After her pieces have stopped burning (you may have to wait for them to land too), please fetch the closest fragment and throw it in a tomb. Good point, that would involve exposing yourselves to daylight. Tell you what, just make a slab.

p.s. The former Mayor appears to have killed her husband, something about him not making aluminum items for her. Please look into this.

ooc: Fortress defense mod is fun

[zephyr_hound]

To all idle dwarves of Bellrings

THERE IS A MASSIVE DOGFIGHT GOING ON IN THE DINING ROOM PLEASE START CAGING THE DOGS THAT I HAVE ASSIGNED TO CAGES BEFORE ANYONE ELSE GETS BITTEN. PLEASE.

[billybobfred]

To: Urist McBabby
Re: Your mother

Swimming is fun, isn't it! But Mommy is worried about you. If you don't get out of the water, you might die of hunger.

...

GET OUT OF THE WATER THIS INSTANT OR YOU'LL GO TO BED WITHOUT ALCOHOL!

Kids...

[Renzuko]

dear mechanic's

when i tell you guys, dont dump stuff, and remake those steel serrated disc traps, i f*cking mean it, dont just sit around doing nothing, because of you, my initial military, is dead, having to be saved, by a bunch of skill-less(steel) dwarves.

signed
ctrl+alt+deleting overseer

[imperium3]

Dear Urist McHunter,

Considering that you're new to this job, it might be a better idea to keep hunting elk birds rather than attacking that cave crocodile over there...

The Management

Dear Undertakers of Akrulatol,

Get another coffin ready.

The Management

[Greiger]

To Hunter

Oops, my bad.

From: The Administration.