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[rangarkash]

Dear dwarves of Notchstaff,

Fuck you all. You deserve to be slaughered piecemeal by goblins. All your worthless lives, you've loafed around the pantry doing nothing, and of all times to go outside, you decide to do it when a goblin invasion is afoot? Away from the painstakingly planned traps I layed out? Truly?

May Armok give you all an eternity of agony in the Afterlife,
Your infuriated overseer

[Niyazov]

Dear large animal,

All your body parts are red. Die already.

Kind regards, etc.

[TolyK]

Dear Urist McInCrossbowSquad,

I find it amusing that you hitting a goblin with your crossbow once earned you the title of Hammerdwarf.

Must say a lot about your crossbow skill, eh?

~Overseer

[Sphalerite]

Dear Human Diplomat,

Don't stand there.

No, seriously, don't stand there.  That dwarf you've been following around trying to get a meeting?  He's decided to help deconstruct some floors.  I'd make him stop, but there's no labor option to turn off deconstructing floors.  So you'll just have to wait till he's done.  Oh, and don't stand on the floor he's deconstructing.  Seriously, don't.

Great.  Now you've got human blood all over the bottom of the cistern.  Thanks a lot, I'm going to have to open the access corridor to clean that up.  At least you can meet with the baron now, once you drag your broken body to his office.

Great, now you've gone and bled to death.  I suppose the humans are going to blame me for your self-inflicted death by stupidity, too.

[UristMcDwarf]

Dear EveryoneMcLazy

I BET THE MIASMA WOULDN'T BE SO BAD IF YOU'D TAKE THE CORPSE AND PUT IT IN THE STOCKPILE LIKE I SAID.

[schussel]

Dear Urist McInCrossbowSquad,

I find it amusing that you hitting a goblin with your crossbow once earned you the title of Hammerdwarf.

Must say a lot about your crossbow skill, eh?

~Overseer

Dear Overseer,

but, but my crossbow is red now and i like fancy red things *gets good mood*
.
..
...
... a sock!!! out there just behind those goblinish looking thingies with bows!!! ... gotta go, sire!

~Urist McInCrossbowSquad

[ledgekindred]

The Late Urist McDirectionless,

If you ran to the west, you would have gone in the door.  The goblin was east of you.  Therefore you had a straight line away from the goblin and into the door.  So why for you run south?  Had you gone in the door, you would have run past the cage traps.  And the weapons traps.  And the barracks, complete with 24 training soldiers.  Instead you ran south.  So did the goblin.  And now you are dead.  Thankfully, the goblin is as well, because he thought it would be a good idea to run through the door.

Sincerely,
The Overlord Who Resides Above You.  (i.e. the direction that is not north, south, east, west, nor down.)

[schussel]

Dear retarded Masons,

I let you build one pillar so i can close the water channel i stupidly designed without any shutdown system by creating a  cavein ...

the layout is simple

h for ramps down where the water is
I the Support
rest is normal ground

 hhh
 hS

so why you freaking idiots need to get into the channels each time and keep canceling the support?

im fed up .. il use magma to seal the channel and you morons will be the ones to tap it ...

[Samuel]

Dear Doren Boneboard the Ardent Packs,
I'm not lying when I say that you're among my favourite dwarves at Kissedgranite. This is undoubtedly due to the incident in which you leapt at what must have been half a dozen troglodytes and killed them singlehandedly. You looked like you were crowd surfing, except that the members of the crowd were dropping dead one by one.

With that in mind, I want you to know that I'm a little concerned for you. That battle was years ago, and your nose and ear are still broken. You went to the hospital for your ankle, why not stay and get your face patched up. Now that you have an infection, I am beginning to fear for your life. Not just in the literal sense but in the social sense. I'm not trying to be judgemental, but the busted, infected remnants of your nose may be why you don't have any friends.

Signed,
Your Concerned Overseer

PS On second thought, the troglodytes punching all your teeth out may also be a factor.

[Keldane]

Dear Iden Delershorast,

First, let me welcome you to Windhumor, home of the deepest stairwell this side of the Mountainhomes. You are first, and for the moment, only Clothier.

Second, who the hell do you think you are? You only just arrived - indeed, the rest of your migrant wave are still flashing their 'x's, and some haven't even entered the map yet - and you're already demanding I build you a workshop so you can make some cloth artifact? I'll cater to your desires this time, but if your artifact is worth less than 10k dorfbucks, I'm thrusting a pick into your hands and sealing you in the lower reaches of the fort to single-handedly excavate the future magma furnace and forge pit.

Sincerely,
The Overseer.

Edit: Deathsparkles. DEATHSPARKLES. What the flying forgotten beast, Iden. A sheep's wool bag named Deathsparkles, menacing with spikes of sheep's wool and bearing an image of a cloud. I... just... I have no words.

[Sarda]

How many dorfbucks is it worth?

[Keldane]

How many dorfbucks is it worth?

Precisely 5000.

[Sarda]

Looks like he's excavating new magma forges, then. Or did he go legendary? You COULD profit handsomely form selling his elfy crap to caravans.

[Bdthemag]

How many dorfbucks is it worth?

Precisely 5000.

Of to the mines it is then!

[MythagoWoods]

I dunno... he DID find a way to make a spike out of wool.  That's pretty awesome.