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[UristMcDwarf]

Dear UristMcSadface

QQ SOME MORE

[Naryar]

Dear Erul Squeezesabres, Expedition Leader

You have been promoted to nobility by our mountainhomes. Good. You have proven your worth by being a legendary miner, and making an artifact. Good.

Then you asked for rose gold items and a quality room. I thought, alright.

The forteress has spent months trying to giving you a convenient room. Seemingly you are satisfied and look like one of our happiest dwarves, despite having complained of a lesser sleeping arrangements while you sleep on an ARTIFACT NATIVE GOLD BED. You also have a gold table and chair, two gold statues, an iron armor stand and weapon rack, two gold chests, a gold cabinet, and a gold sarcophagus.

You asked for a decent office, you have a throne room. You asked for decent quarters, you have a royal bedroom. You asked for a decent dining room, you have a great one. You asked for a tomb, you have a mausoleum. You have enough cabinets, chests and armor stands as you asked. Your rose gold item mandate has been delivered on time.

The fortress would like to know why you have been on break for a half season, and why you have not performed any of your regular work, like management, stone detailing, mining or architecture.

We have been sent on this forbidding place to build a monument to Armok. It would not be wise to incur his wrath by not fulfilling your duties. Who knows, an unfortunate accident would be quick to happen if Armok is angry... and your duties would be transfered to someone else.

Sincerely

-Your worried fortress.

[jaxy15]

Dear Urist McArmorer,

Please, next time try running from dragon raptors.
You were being strangled.
Had my squad not showed up, you would have been killed.
Please be more careful next time.

Sincerely,
an overseer.

[Kogut]

Dear Urist Mcjaxy15,
"You were being strangled."
I noticed it and moreover it affected may ability to move. I really tried (and failed) to run away.

Sincerely,
an Armok blessed McArmorer.

[Everlund]

Dear Urist,
I understand your yearning for appreciation and aknowledgement, but do you think it practical to kill 9 of your fortress comrades with your bare hands, including the mayor and his replacement, in order to earn a damn name?

[Ze Spy]

To Urist McRagequitter

Thank you for rage quitting and going berzerk during the middle of a siege, you murdered the entire goblin army and the entire Dwarf Militia

Blah blah blah
Overmind

[DryBones]

Dear Urist Mcmommysoldier

First of all I would like to commend you on your years of service in our glorious military. Every single one of our speardorfs owe you their lives due to the extensive training you put them through in the early ears of our fort. I know the military is your life, and that you have dreams and aspiriations for your children to become as great a warrior as you are some day.

However.

The danger room is named such for a reason. It is DANGEROUS. Bringing both your pet kitten and your baby in to train with you may have seemed like a good idea, but it really wasn't. I don't feel the need to go into detail as to what happened later. While this is a tragedy and I feel for you (I really do) your decision to put the legendary armorsmith's face through the back of her head is what I have an issue with.

Since you love danger rooms so much I have taken the initiative to build one in your private quarters, to cheer you up. However, due to the fortress wide shortage of wood we have installed steel "training" spears in it instead. I assume you will enjoy the extra challenge.

Sincerely Yours,
The new Mayor

P.S. You may be unfamiliar with me and wondering why I am writing to you instead of the old mayor. Well, it seems having a rib jammed though his heart by you triggered a fatal allergic reaction.

[myrkul]

P.S. You may be unfamiliar with me and wondering why I am writing to you instead of the old mayor. Well, it seems having a rib jammed though his heart by you triggered a fatal allergic reaction.

*snerk*

[ivze]

Dear Marksdwarf,
could you please be a bit more creative? The goblin is nearly dead.
Your laughing overseer.

Code: [Select]

The militia captain bashes The Goblin Axeman in the head with her                                                                                         █
█ (bismuth bronze crossbow), but the attack is deflected by The Goblin                                                                                      █
█ Axeman's ({copper helm})!                                                                                                                                 █
█ The militia captain bashes The Goblin Axeman in the head with her                                                                                         █
█ (bismuth bronze crossbow), but the attack is deflected by The Goblin                                                                                      █
█ Axeman's ({copper helm})!                                                                                                                               x2█
█ The militia captain bashes The Goblin Axeman in the head with her                                                                                         █
█ (bismuth bronze crossbow), but the attack is deflected by The Goblin                                                                                      █
█ Axeman's ({copper helm})!                                                                                                                                 █
█ The militia captain bashes The Goblin Axeman in the head with her                                                                                         █
█ (bismuth bronze crossbow), but the attack is deflected by The Goblin                                                                                      █
█ Axeman's ({copper helm})!                                                                                                                               x2█
█ The militia captain bashes The Goblin Axeman in the head with her                                                                                         █
█ (bismuth bronze crossbow), but the attack is deflected by The Goblin                                                                                      █
█ Axeman's ({copper helm})!                                                                                                                               x3█
█ The militia captain bashes The Goblin Axeman in the head with her                                                                                         █
█ (bismuth bronze crossbow), but the attack is deflected by The Goblin                                                                                      █
█ Axeman's ({copper helm})!                                                                                                                               x3█
█ The militia captain bashes The Goblin Axeman in the head with her             

[Baron Baconeer]

Dear overseer.

The bone doctor gave me a task to see how exactly do goblin skulls work under pressure.

With best regards
Urist Mcmarksdwarfhammer lord

[Wolock]

Dear Inod Lekthīkut,

After reviewing your case we are proud to promote you as the first Chief Medical Dwarf of Paintinked on a simple condition :

Keep your deity for yourself.

We appreciate your dedication to your god but talking about a rotting female dwarf associated with lakes, oceans, death and blight might not be the best thing for your future patient.

Sincerely,
The management

[TerryDactyl]

Note to Urist McLegendaryJeweller

You are hereby sentenced to life imprisonment for the heinous crime of encrusting whatever trinket you happened across last week. As the jail is currently... reserved for other uses... you will be relegated to the treasury. I assure you you will be well taken care of, though I am afraid we can only provide you a single toy hammer with which to entertain yourself.

Yours,

The Overseer

[Root Infinity]

Dear Urist McLegendaryMiner,

Digging out the support before the other side is not cool

Especially when it is OVER THE ENTIRE FORT AND FLOODS THE ENTIRE OCEAN INTO IT

But what REALLY isn't cool is when you then complain because you couldn't find a bed

You doomed my fort, and you have the guts to want a BED?

Yours,

The Ministry of Peace

[Bdthemag]

Dear Urist McMechanic

If I set your orders to build a drawbridge at the entrance to our new fort, I expect you do it.

Taking the occasional break every once in awhile is fine, but you've been taking this rather long break for a couple months now.

Luckily for the fort though we have hired a new immigrant to work as the Head Mechanic.

Since you have done so much hard work for the fort, we have assigned you a new room.

The room is marked by the sign "MAGMA ROOM A". We hope you enjoy your new quarters.

Sincerely,
The Overseer

[Greiger]

To the local goblin civ,

Clearly you want something.  There's no other reason why after I made no secret of my difficulties with elite archer-orcs vs my military you would have 2 squads emerge from ambush near a master bow-orc AND a squad of lower skill crossbow orcs.

Your skill in emptying their quivers is just as amazing against them as against my own defenses, and after slaughtering your squads the elite orc only had 2 bolts remaining in their quiver to send my way.  And they happily dodged into the spiky death pit after avoiding a copper serrated disk, and suffocated from a condition my doctors call "Copper-Spike-in-Lung".

But I'm sure you aren't doing this out of the kindness of your easy to perforate hearts.  Would you like some raw adamantine?  We found some and head office says we aren't to actually use any.  Something about a no-adamantine challenge.  I can have a stockpile of the stuff placed outside the front gate to be collected at your leisure.  We would destroy you even if you were wearing the stuff after all, so what's the harm?

I would also consider giving you some children, they are whiny little bastards, but our females don't really want to lay any eggs without nest boxes around.  And I really don't wanna deal with the hassle of micromanaging that crap.  So unfortunately we have no children here.  The only migrant child grew to adulthood last year.  Feel free to take one of the puppy on a rope defenses though if you really need to adopt a child of some kind.

You helped me, and where I come from that means I help you.  Perhaps we can come to some kind of agreement against our mutual enemy the Orcs.

Sincerely,
The Administration of Minecastle

P.S. Just in-case you don't feel like making peace I had this letter covered in forgotten beast extract.  We don't know exactly what this one in particular does yet, so please respond with the results.