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[ledgekindred]

Dear all you useless animals,

I have you pastured outside because that's where the grass is.  I'm working on building an underground pasture but I am still in the process of building a roof.  We have walls.  We have a drawbridge.  So please tell me why oh why you insist on panicking like a bunch of ... animals ... whenever anything vaguely resembling an enemy comes near the fortress walls, requiring all my dwarves to drag you back into your pasture.  It's a giant capybara for Armok's sake!  It's virtually one of you!  You don't need to run around like a bunch of maniacs.

I'd butcher every single one of you except for the milk and eggs that I get, and the fact that my hunter keeps bringing bloody enourmous Elk Bird corpses for my butchers and my storerooms are already flooded with meat that my cooks can barely keep up with.

Grow a couple more braincells, please.  The magma option is looking pretty appealing.

Yrs. Sincerely
Omniscient Overseer

[jaxy15]

Dear Urist McAxeDorf

You were fighting a freaking Dama Gazelle.
AND DODGED INTO A RIVER.
Jump the other way next time, you dead halfwit.

[arkhometha]

Another artifact shoe. Thank you very much, everyone loves artifacts shoes.

the next one to do a artifact shoe will be made a example to all dwarfs who think is nice to build useless artifact crap.

[Musashi]

Dear All My F**kin' Dwarves:

Please read this article on Wikipedia.

~Management.

Thanks, I'm gonna put it on a note at the entrance of the fort. Just because it's Legendcrypts doesn't mean you can get away with being decapitated by a prisoner.

[schussel]

Dear possessed Metalcrafter,

yes we planned bad and the magmareservoir tapped at the top of the magmalake didnt fill  for more than 2/7 .. so we built a makeshift extra miniforge to smelt and produce parts for one screrwpump to fill it from below (due to our extensive allready done construction of the smelt chamber)

yes we could have done more but since everything is valuable ore down there we made it small ...

BUT ITS NO F***KING GOOD PLAN TO TURN POSSESSED AND CLAIM THE FORGE FOR A METAL TOY THE SECOND THE OTHER CRAFTER *MATERIALS FINALLY ARRIVED DOWN THERE...

*gasp*

be happy i need your skills later on  else teh militia would have allready riddled your body with bolts  and threw you out into the maws of the waiting 30 tigerman that prevent us to go the charcoal way ...

we hate you!!

The Administration

[Samuel]

(Note found taped to the door of Spirelantern)

Dear Goblins,
We're never coming out. Go die.
-Dorfs

[Qinetix]

So what ,they digged in the caverns? Bad idea , the wild life may kill them , there may be FBS and there may be clowns..

[Samuel]

So what ,they digged in the caverns? Bad idea , the wild life may kill them , there may be FBS and there may be clowns..

Nope. Just hiding inside until the goblins get bored and leave. Not very dwarfy, but I only have to dwarves alive right now.

[Abyss, Holder of Light]

Hey Useless Dorfs,

My name is Abyss, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are lazy, alcohol-guzzling peons who spend every second of their day hauling random trinkets and drinking more alcohol. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten to legendary? I mean, I guess it's fun doing nothing when there's work to be done because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than a tantrum spiral, really..

Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. The others are pretty much perfect. Captain of the guard, and our powerful militia. What sports do you play, other than "jack off to naked drawn Elves"? They also get masterpiece weapons, and have an opulent bedroom (They just killed a 50-gobbo army; Shit was SO cash). You are all weaklings who should just jump in the magma sea. Thanks for listening.

Yours truly,
Your overseer.

[Joshua IX]

Dear Goblins,

Come and get us you lily livered cowards, we're the richest dukedom in the dwarven civilisation and the best you can do is an ambush?

Bring on the seige!

Sincere Regards,

The Duke of Syrupcloisters

[Aramco]

Dear Nobles,

     Yes, I realize that the magma I 'accidentaly' pumped into your room is hot, but that doesn't mean you should open the door and kill everyone with the magma but the one person it was intended to kill.

-Your manager.

(Note to self-- lock his door next time.)

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Ezum Gillcraft,
Mrs. Gillcraft, I understand you are "socially crippled by thoughts that everyone is watching and judging" you, and that you "dislike contracts and regulations." However, the fact that you "prefer that others handle the leadership roles" plus a minor amount of brain activity would indicate that it is a bad idea to form a grudge against the expedition leader/bookkeeper/broker/future sheriff/butcher/leatherworker and the militia commander/woodcutter. Both of them can make your life very unpleasant.
EDIT2: And when you are on break, do NOT, repeat NOT, go into the bedroom of the aforementioned expedition leader.

EDIT:
Dear Ushat Snarlingdyes:
Please do not fall asleep in the mining tunnels until you dig out a route to the surface. My bad that the way was cut off, but still...

EDIT3:
A note to all woodcutters in all universes:
You may have ranks in axedwarf. Whether or not this is so, your battleaxes are useful for more than killing trees-they kill monkies, too!

[Greiger]

To survivors of "The sacrifices of Quills" crossbow squad.

You could have chosen many better targets than that one semi conscious troll to concentrate all your fire on.  Perhaps that orc master bowman that was picking you off one by one through the fortifications would have been good.  Or perhaps those 6 Maceorcs on giant bats that were flying over the wall to get to you.  But no you decided to continue shooting at the damn crippled troll, even when you yourselves were filled with arrows and getting your skulls bashed in with maces.

The lancer squad rushed as quickly as they could to bail your tails outta the fire, but unfortunately failed as after the lancers killed the last maceorc, and the orc bowman used his last arrow, they saw that you were all slaughtered to the man.

So I guess this letter is addressed to the 2 lazy bums in the squad who spent the entire siege asleep and managed to live the bloody slaughter just by virtue of being in the wrong place at the right time...  Congratulations on your promotion to number 1 and 2 in the crossbow squad.  Here have the high quality armor.  Don't mind the blood and dents. 

Don't make the same mistake your predecessors did.
The (replacement) Administration

[CinnibarMan]

Dear high master Potter,

What the hell is with you and that human who trained giant capybaras? I mean really, nine out of ten statues that you sculpt are of that  one guy!

Sincerely,
Your overseer.

[warwizard]

Dear Comerades of the people's fort,

  When your Glorious Leader designates that a wall should be built at the fort entrance and every one of you have masonry skill enabled, *somebody* should go build that wall before the Ettin gets in. It's a good thing that Comerade Daton managed to kill it or we could all be dead now.

Sincerely,
Glorious Leader