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[ricree]

To:  Urist McStrangeMood
Re:  Acceptable Uses of Material

I am not one to constrain the artistic freedoms of dwarves in my care.  To the contrary, I feel that I've gone out of my way to accommodate the often bizarre material requests made by our crafters.  That said, I need to emphasize that adamantine is a very constrained resource right now.  And no matter how attractive or expensive you make it, a bracelet is absolutely not an appropriate use of our limited supplies.

[Greiger]

To Moody Metalcrafter.

An adamantine table.  I guess it would be nice in the baron's office.  But why did you put an elf on it?  I understand if it's an elf getting killed but an elf traveling?

The Captain of the Guard would like to see you about being a suspected elf sympathizer.

Sincerely,
The Administration.

[Shook]

Dear Urist McGlazer,

While i fully support the notion of free movement, i can't say it was a very smart idea to go under the bridge at the exact moment it was about to close. I'd like to bury you, but you know how effective atom smashers bridges are at obliterating things.

Yours truly,
Slightly amused flying X

[Darvi]

Maybe  the elf is traveling into his doom?

[Greiger]

Dear Miner McScattered.

Thank you for testing my SPARTA! Pit for me while digging it out.  Completely ignoring the fact that there were plenty of other places to stand than the place you were planning on making the hole.

The metalsmiths at the bottom of the pit were quite impressed how skillfully you separated into EVERY SINGLE ONE of your component parts upon hitting the ground too.  Very nice.   Once you are mopped up we will be throwing the orcs we caught last siege down there too.

Sincerely planning on putting 10 adamantine spikes at the bottom for the lulz,
The administration.

P.S. Soundsense made an amusing sound when you died.  I giggled.

[Flying Dice]

Dear Urist McMilitiaCommander:

When I order you to stay away from the danger room (you, and your four named giant war eagles and dozens of named wardogs), please effing listen. Because I don't want to have to deal with a tantrumming legendary axedwarf after you get your pets killed. So please let your squad train without needing me to lock them into the danger room.

[Musashi]

Dear Shem Shemmegid (were your parents smartasses too?),

I can't blame you for doing what you do best in a fit of secretive mood. Really, I'm fine with a chrysoprase amulet. I can live with it. I did not even expect anymore anything useful.
No, what I want to know is why you named Silvermoon an artifact whose sole pictures were shining suns.
Quite the smartass, heh?
Good thing you can't pull that off again, I guess.

Your Overseer who doesn't want a 4th piece of legendary jewelery just because she's female. Where are the artifact armors and weapons?


Dear soldiers,

will you stop going out to fetch socks or some other crap while the Dodge-This traps are not done breaking every bone in the invaders' bodies?

Your Overseer who buried the two offenders in an abandoned empty vein.

[Raufgar]

To Moody Metalcrafter.

An adamantine table.  I guess it would be nice in the baron's office.  But why did you put an elf on it?  I understand if it's an elf getting killed but an elf traveling?

The Captain of the Guard would like to see you about being a suspected elf sympathizer something important. Meeting's at midnight, at the outdoors trade depot. Make sure to wear your spanking new wooden armor. We've just finished installing a new heating apparatus at the depot so that you won't get chilly. Won't do for our new legendary Metalcrafter to catch a cold, now would we? 

Sincerely,
The Administration.

Fixed that for you. 

[arkhometha]

Please, no more wolf leather shoes artifacts. seriously, do something useful. Even a cloak would be cool. but a fucking shoe?

[Aramco]

We've just finished installing a new heating apparatus at the depot so that you won't get chilly. Won't do for our new legendary Metalcrafter to catch a cold, now would we?

I'm sigging that. Right now.

[sixsevensix]

Dear Urist McPartyAnimal,
I don't know if you realize what area this is, but just as a reminder, we do not appreciate you parading around and organizing parties in the prison. You will only have yourself to blame if one of the goblins gets out of his cage and slaughters you and any of the others you have invited to this demented event. The goblins are pissed enough that they are caged, but now with festivities going on while they wallow in their own filth is not going to  make them any happier or nicer. For the love of Armok, STOP IT.

Sincerely,
Your angry overseer.

Dear Family of the deceased,
I am sorry to say that the expedition that your loved ones embarked on less that a year ago ended in tragedy. While preparing the fortress for digging the task force encountered two violent ogress' and while one was able to kill one before death. The other members died from exhaustion after pummeling the other ogress for what seemed like an eternity without any progress.
Sincerely,
An appalled overseer.

*This seriously happened, the woodcutter managed to kill one ogress and everyone else sat there and pounded on the other ogress until they died of thirst/exhaustion. I actually felt sorry for the ogress when I checked to see the injuries. Everything was broken/bruised and she could not keep consciousness for more than a few seconds. I laughed pretty hard when the dwarfs died...*

[Lagslayer]

Dear Shem Shemmegid (were your parents smartasses too?),

I can't blame you for doing what you do best in a fit of secretive mood. Really, I'm fine with a chrysoprase amulet. I can live with it. I did not even expect anymore anything useful.
No, what I want to know is why you named Silvermoon an artifact whose sole pictures were shining suns.
Quite the smartass, heh?
Good thing you can't pull that off again, I guess.

Your Overseer who doesn't want a 4th piece of legendary jewelery just because she's female. Where are the artifact armors and weapons?


Dear soldiers,

will you stop going out to fetch socks or some other crap while the Dodge-This traps are not done breaking every bone in the invaders' bodies?

Your Overseer who buried the two offenders in an abandoned empty vein.

Shem Shemmegid obviously plays WoW. Silvermoon is the Blood Elf capital city. Also, while the Night Elves worship the moon, Blood Elves worship the sun.

[Urist Imiknorris]

Dear Urist:

Why won't you drink any of the booze we have? Why do you insist on thirst?

With great concern for your health,
Urist Imiknorris, Professional God

Dear "God":

Urist McBlacksmith

Urist-

As you were, then.

Signed,
Your god

[ivze]

Dear Urist McFisherman,
going ice fishing in spring is a bad idea, things tend to change rapidly these times. There was ice on a part of that river, and there was no ice on the other: weren't you afraid that the other part would also unfreeze? Thanks for upgrading your `Swimmer` skill...

If you weren't Expert Marksdwarf, I wouldn't bother to dig a stair down to the river.

Your caring overseer.

[Musashi]

Dear now-legendary weaponsmith,

when I talked about weapons and armors... I expected slightly more interesting than a spear made with a single lead bar and absolutely nothing else. No, really, the only thing it is good for is a fancy weapon trap in the Dodge-ThisŪ.
At the very least, you're legendary now, right?

Your Overseer who longs for a gold hammer or a steel spear