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Author Topic: Goblin civ, goblin civ, doin' whatever a goblin civ does!  (Read 3149 times)

Double A

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Goblin civ, goblin civ, doin' whatever a goblin civ does!
« on: August 04, 2010, 04:09:10 am »

Yeah, so in a Fort near a volcano, where I discover the amazing properties of obsidian statues when combined with a trade depot, I look at the civs screen to see if anyone other than my civ can access my volcano fortress of doom.

And it turns out my queen is a goblin recruit.

I did a little delving in Legends (via copping save file) and then Adventure mode, and it turns out the ENTIRE capital is populated by goblins. The general, the administrator, and even the trade liason are stinky, smelly, reeking, fetid, malodorous, and unfortunately not miasmic goblins.

The queen is no Cacame Awemedinade, she just kinda ate plump helmets for 200 years and maybe married some guy. No dragons were harmed in the making of this world.
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Sir Broccoli

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Re: Goblin civ, goblin civ, doin' whatever a goblin civ does!
« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2010, 05:09:35 am »

Atom smash them all.
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Dearnen

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Re: Goblin civ, goblin civ, doin' whatever a goblin civ does!
« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2010, 06:37:03 am »

Sound like it's time for the dwarves to rise up and reclaim their birthright.
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NW_Kohaku

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Re: Goblin civ, goblin civ, doin' whatever a goblin civ does!
« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2010, 07:36:58 am »

Depends on how you want to go.  The initial reaction to Cacame Awemedinade's arrival was "AN ELF?  USE MAGMA!" "NO! MAKE AN ADVENTURER AND KILL EVERY LIVING THING IN THIS FORSAKEN WORLD!"  It just turned memetic badass time later.

I had an elf queen who was never anything more than a farmer, once. It happened to come at the end of a very long and costly war against the elves that happened to give my dwarven civ something like 6 forest retreats, but managed to eventually bleed the dwarves dry of adult manpower.  Then the elven queen who was fortunately born dwarvenized rose to power, made peace with the elves (which is forgivable being as we didn't have an army at the moment), and then set about starting 50 years of peace and building roads that connected the expanded dwarven empire.

Not awesome, either, but good enough that I decided to give her a nice place to live in a marble tower filled with some neat giant jaguars as pets.

So yeah, you can either reject it if you want, or you can try to make it into a story that makes that fortress a little more unique and interesting.  What if they were the goblin versions of a bunch of Drizzts?  Trying to learn to be good-natured um civilized um not-evil um less dedicated to the notion of torture and genocide for fun and profit like dwarves ummmmmm.... more mechanically adept like dwarves?  Or maybe they just use a special powder or makeup that makes their skin less green and they put on fake beards, and nobody can tell the difference between goblins and dwarves?
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Double A

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Re: Goblin civ, goblin civ, doin' whatever a goblin civ does!
« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2010, 11:23:44 am »

Depends on how you want to go.  The initial reaction to Cacame Awemedinade's arrival was "AN ELF?  USE MAGMA!" "NO! MAKE AN ADVENTURER AND KILL EVERY LIVING THING IN THIS FORSAKEN WORLD!"  It just turned memetic badass time later.

I had an elf queen who was never anything more than a farmer, once. It happened to come at the end of a very long and costly war against the elves that happened to give my dwarven civ something like 6 forest retreats, but managed to eventually bleed the dwarves dry of adult manpower.  Then the elven queen who was fortunately born dwarvenized rose to power, made peace with the elves (which is forgivable being as we didn't have an army at the moment), and then set about starting 50 years of peace and building roads that connected the expanded dwarven empire.

Not awesome, either, but good enough that I decided to give her a nice place to live in a marble tower filled with some neat giant jaguars as pets.

So yeah, you can either reject it if you want, or you can try to make it into a story that makes that fortress a little more unique and interesting.  What if they were the goblin versions of a bunch of Drizzts?  Trying to learn to be good-natured um civilized um not-evil um less dedicated to the notion of torture and genocide for fun and profit like dwarves ummmmmm.... more mechanically adept like dwarves?  Or maybe they just use a special powder or makeup that makes their skin less green and they put on fake beards, and nobody can tell the difference between goblins and dwarves?

Well we do have like 4 Goblin Fortresses and roads connecting everything, maybe the queen did that.

But I'm probably going to go with Sir Broccoli's plan.
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Toast024

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Re: Goblin civ, goblin civ, doin' whatever a goblin civ does!
« Reply #5 on: August 04, 2010, 11:54:42 am »

STOP (Hammer time)! Check legends and make sure that this is not the Goblin version of Cacame.
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Double A

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Re: Goblin civ, goblin civ, doin' whatever a goblin civ does!
« Reply #6 on: August 04, 2010, 12:02:23 pm »

STOP (Hammer time)! Check legends and make sure that this is not the Goblin version of Cacame.

She isn't, she's lame.
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NW_Kohaku

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Re: Goblin civ, goblin civ, doin' whatever a goblin civ does!
« Reply #7 on: August 04, 2010, 12:04:15 pm »

Well we do have like 4 Goblin Fortresses and roads connecting everything, maybe the queen did that.

But I'm probably going to go with Sir Broccoli's plan.

Well, before you go killing them off, just keep in mind that oftentimes, the best history or forts are made out of the really unusual things.  Even if it isn't Cacame, just having something somewhat unusual can give this fortress more flavor than other, routine fortresses.  Consider whether you want to do something creative or unique with your fort that could play into its unusual characteristics. 

Heck, you might want to consider taking it the other way around, and making your dwarves "goblinized", and start making a giant obsidian tower on top of your fort to rain magma down from the spires, and kidnap and torture human and elven caravans in obsidian pits.

Basically, if you get something you didn't expect, don't smash it out of hand before you figure out whether or not you can have fun with it.  The most unforgettable stories come when you manage to turn around being dealt a bad hand.
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Toast024

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Re: Goblin civ, goblin civ, doin' whatever a goblin civ does!
« Reply #8 on: August 04, 2010, 12:05:51 pm »

Lock her in a glass room. Have a bunch of Goblins being tortured to death right outside of it. And slowly drop 1/7 magma into her chamber, and have a grate under it. The heat will hopefully slowly cause pain, and since its being removed, she will live suffer longer.

Alternatively, (STOP) hammer time!
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monk12

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Re: Goblin civ, goblin civ, doin' whatever a goblin civ does!
« Reply #9 on: August 04, 2010, 12:30:57 pm »

Quick show of hands; who came into this thread solely because the Spiderman theme compelled them to do so?

*raises hand*

breadbocks

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Re: Goblin civ, goblin civ, doin' whatever a goblin civ does!
« Reply #10 on: August 04, 2010, 12:33:54 pm »

I came in this thread because I smelled something fishy. my worst nightmare, Goblin Fortress. Search goblin fortress [nsfw].
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ILikePie

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Re: Goblin civ, goblin civ, doin' whatever a goblin civ does!
« Reply #11 on: August 04, 2010, 02:30:49 pm »

Search goblin fortress [nsfw].
Oh yes, it's a must read. At least the first part is, the thread loses momentum later on.
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Double A

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Re: Goblin civ, goblin civ, doin' whatever a goblin civ does!
« Reply #12 on: August 04, 2010, 02:49:53 pm »

Yeah, I already read it.

Well we do have like 4 Goblin Fortresses and roads connecting everything, maybe the queen did that.

But I'm probably going to go with Sir Broccoli's plan.

Well, before you go killing them off, just keep in mind that oftentimes, the best history or forts are made out of the really unusual things.  Even if it isn't Cacame, just having something somewhat unusual can give this fortress more flavor than other, routine fortresses.  Consider whether you want to do something creative or unique with your fort that could play into its unusual characteristics. 

Heck, you might want to consider taking it the other way around, and making your dwarves "goblinized", and start making a giant obsidian tower on top of your fort to rain magma down from the spires, and kidnap and torture human and elven caravans in obsidian pits.

Basically, if you get something you didn't expect, don't smash it out of hand before you figure out whether or not you can have fun with it.  The most unforgettable stories come when you manage to turn around being dealt a bad hand.

Well, I embarked on a volcano island, so there aren't exactly any elves or dwarves (or other goblins). Only dwarfgoblins.

Anyway, I'm just disappointed that her ONLY event after being crowned (200+ years) is marring some goblin. She has a less eventful life than a freaking WOLF.
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Vertigon

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Re: Goblin civ, goblin civ, doin' whatever a goblin civ does!
« Reply #13 on: August 04, 2010, 03:02:11 pm »

She made it into legends, better than my wolves.
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Kobold Troubadour

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Re: Goblin civ, goblin civ, doin' whatever a goblin civ does!
« Reply #14 on: August 04, 2010, 06:49:10 pm »

Well, I embarked on a volcano island, so there aren't exactly any elves or dwarves (or other goblins). Only dwarfgoblins.

Anyway, I'm just disappointed that her ONLY event after being crowned (200+ years) is marring some goblin. She has a less eventful life than a freaking WOLF.
Must have been one hell of a wedding to be "Legends" worthy. Maybe she also mandated a few laws that brought forth true peace & equality between dorfs & gobs, maybe even ordered to build better & more secure trade routes for your civ's, or even help create the Evil Goblin Recreational Facilities to cleanse out their demonic urges...

...But no, all that will be remembered is that one awesome booze filled, hang-over hazy Wedding Party that was so hardcore that an immortal goblin guest actually died of liver failure...
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