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[Josephus]

I dunno, man. Aron/Lairon/Aggron are basically defense-oriented versions of Larvitar/Pupitar/Tyranitar, with decent enough attack to one-shot most non-fighting enemies (as far as I remember).

Can they learn the elemental super moves? I don't remember that either.

(Man, I wish Emerald had Tyranitars. Obscene physical attack, man. Makes Dragonite look like a weak fool.)

[Azzuro]

Interlude 02: CSI: Pokecenter
Recap: In the last update, Big Stu earned the Dynamo Badge from Wattson.

Lugnut: Bad news, Mr. Retro. There’s been a murder.

Retro: So?

Lugnut: It’s one of us.

Retro: WHAT?

Lugnut: See for yourself.


Retro: Oh crap. Joe!

Joe: Yeah?

Retro: Go investigate this.

Joe: Awesome!


Joe: Now, suspects.

Joe: Excuse me, did you happen to see anything suspicious earlier?

Snoozles: Zzz…Zzz…

Joe: Hey, wake up!

Snoozles: Zzz…Zzz…Zzz…

Joe: Oh, whatever. Anyone else?

The Master: Stare into the abyss, and the killer stares back at you!

Joe: Uh, okay.

Buttface: I was eating something, so I didn’t see what happened!

Acid Trip: I thoufht I faw a fhadow juft now…

Joe: …why do you talk like that?

Acid Trip: Beard. Anf spores. But mosfly beard.

Joe: Okay, thanks. Zappy?

Zappy: I am Zappy Potter, the Chosen One!

Joe: Oh wait, I think I know who it is now! Thanks guys!


Joe: Hey Wolf, mind answering a few questions?

Wolf: What? I didn’t kill no Magikarp!

Joe: Which means you killed Bathory!

Wolf: Wait a minute… oh shit!

Lugnut: Goodbye, Wolf!

Wolf: Noooo!


Lugnut: So, Joe, how did you figure that out?

Joe: Wild guess. Let’s go have a beer!


Later...


Acid Trip: Hey guys mofe spores!

Everyone: YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

Spoiler: For those who don't get it (click to show/hide)

No, seriously, I will pay you ten thousand pokebucks to be in the next update.

I will kill the carp to also be in the next update.

_{Little known fact: Shroomish can fetch up to 10,000 pokebucks on the black market because of their psychedelic properties.}

[Josephus]

Dang, I think Wolf just ate JUSTICE.

[dwarfguy2]

i am growing rather... impatient in the field of ZOMBOR.

also: this town ain't big enough for TWO evil presences possessin' pokemon!

[Phantom]

Fuck dammit what the hell the Wolf clearly didn't kill him it was a suicide dammit it was obvious.

[Azzuro]

I dunno, man. Aron/Lairon/Aggron are basically defense-oriented versions of Larvitar/Pupitar/Tyranitar, with decent enough attack to one-shot most non-fighting enemies (as far as I remember).

Can they learn the elemental super moves? I don't remember that either.

(Man, I wish Emerald had Tyranitars. Obscene physical attack, man. Makes Dragonite look like a weak fool.)

If by "elemental super moves" you mean "Fire Blast/Blizzard/Thunder" then they can learn all three, plus Flamethrower/Ice Beam/Thunderbolt. Incidentally, they're available in the game corner now, so if you want, I could try to win them. But seriously, the weakness is very crippling to an otherwise great Aggron.

Tyranitar=Awesome Awesomeness of Awesome

i am growing rather... impatient in the field of ZOMBOR.

also: this town ain't big enough for TWO evil presences possessin' pokemon!

Hang on, did you reserve a Pokemon? If so, I think I missed it somewhere.

Fuck dammit what the hell the Wolf clearly didn't kill him it was a suicide dammit it was obvious.

Relax, dude! I'll PM you later.

Also, I just realized that Bathory's wounds look like a gunshot, without the entry wound.

edit: To dwarfguy2: the available Ghost-type Pokemon in Emerald are Duskull -> Dusclops and Shuppet -> Banette. There's also Shedinja. You could argue that all of them look like zombies anyway, so which one do you want?

[dwarfguy2]

a ghost-like one named ZOMBOR, in all caps.

[Phantom]

a ghost-like one named ZOMBOR, in all caps.

Go take a Ghastly or something.

[dwarfguy2]

duskull!
i do not want to look like a sock puppet.

[Phantom]

I generally think Haunter is one of the best Ghost Types.

[Creamcorn]

Mysterious Figure One: How doth the life of the late successor hold in this time?


Mysterious Figure Two: I thoug'ht I told ya b'efor, everything you say, rubbish!


Mysterious Figure One: SILENCE! Curb your rancor tongue! You shan't address your future ruler in such a manner.


Mysterious Figure Two: Aye... mi lord. She be dead.


Mysterious Figure One: Excellent, you are dismissed. Continue to further my goals and you shall have what you seek.


Mysterious Figure Two: ...

[Azzuro]

Update 13: Highland Meadows
Recap: In the last update, Big Stu earned the Dynamo Badge from Wattson.

Mauville City!

To the west, Route 117.

Also, the only important thing on Route 117.
_{Note: The daycare allows you to deposit two Pokemon into it. For each step taken, they gain 1 exp point, and if they gain enough, they level up. Also, two compatible Pokemon will produce an egg. The baby will be of the mother’s species and have the father’s moves.}

The rest of the route is filled with triathletes.

They cheat by riding their Pokemon!

This guy here is probably going to lose now.

Another double battle!

Zigzagoon stuck on a ledge!

Speaking of Zigzagoons, look at what Retro stole!

An employee of the Daycare?

These trainers have six (weak) Pokemon. All were at level 11.

At least they provide good experience!

I doubt all six of them actually belonged to him anyway.

Two people running back and forth!

Don’t you mean “on Pokemon”?

Practices in which you don’t cheat?

…the hell? Lay off the Shroomish, kid!

This place is full of trainers exercising!

The only notable thing during the battle.

Apart from the cash, of course.

Ralts are weak to headbutts!

As seen here.

Who would’ve guessed?

Nooooo! What if they’re actually mind-controlling you to say that?

But both are as bad as each other!

This guy looks insane.

Dustox and Beautifly give enough exp. for Lugnut to level up!

Ineptitude is the defining characteristic of Bug Trainers!

Oh hey a secret path!

With loot!

I’d say you were the one not raising them properly!

Are you talking about your own?

Verdanturf Town!

Land of Wind and Shade!

Wanda? Sounds familiar…

By “next door” don’t you mean “next room”?

Oh yeah?

And you’ll lose as usual!

The only reason why anyone would come here!

Unfortunately, this battle tent has a stupid system, so all I’m going to get is this.

It was actually canceled due to budget issues. The "nature preservation" thing was just a front.

Is he a dwarf?

Ah, Rusturf Tunnel. Apparently Rustboro-Verdanturf Tunnel is too long to put on a sign.

Here’s a secret part of Route 116!

They were just over there!

Well whatever.

A dead-end tunnel attracts Hikers!

Again, the only interesting part of this battle.

Uhh, it says so right on the sign outside. Are you blind?

Well hmmm…

Retro gains the ability to smash in enemies’ heads!

RETRO SMASH!

Unfortunately, we need another Gym Badge to use this.

Fine, ignore me then!

Oh! It’s you!

Reward time!

HEY! This isn’t a proper reward!
_{Subnote: Repeat balls only work well against Pokemon which you’ve already caught, making it near-useless.}

Back to Verdanturf!

[Josephus]

I've always figured that psychics should be super-effective against steel types, what with the spoon-bending and all.

[Creamcorn]

I've always figured that psychics should be super-effective against steel types, what with the spoon-bending and all.

While we're at it, why doesn't someone in the pokemans world make a freaking flash light so they can get rid of flash.

[Azzuro]

Update 14: Tour de Hoenn
Recap: In the last update, Big Stu cleared Rusturf Tunnel and received a currently unusable HM as a reward.

Verdanturf Town

Mauville City

And south to Route 110!

I don’t see why this is called the “Seaside Cycling Road”, given that it’s in a marsh.

Of course, a bike is required to go on the Cycling Road.

Isn’t that the whole purpose of this road?

WHEEE!

*crash*

A triathlete!

All the triathletes here have only Magnemites.

Goddamnit, stop shouting at me!

At this point, Esteban throws him into the water.

It’s nice to see that there’s a parking lot for non-existent cars.

Well, what a sound piece of adv-*crash*

A bit later, Esteban levels up from the endless swarm of Magnemites.

Why does the road have 90-degree turns?

Oh hey, another type of electromagnetic life form!

Still weak though.

A level up!

He crashes into a lamppost after saying this.

Isn’t that good?

AHEM

That’s better!

Now to get back to Mauville.

Northwards!

To double battles!

And level ups!

And cash!

“Trainer Hill”?

This is not a hill!

Why does this always happen?

Pyromaniacs!

At least he didn’t burn up all his money!

Ahahaha, I bet they had four “straight wins”

A heart transplant scheme?

Why not?

Wait, you’re not going to throw your son at me, are you?

Yay!

This battle would have been entirely unremarkable if it wasn’t for one thing…

Wheeee!

Fireworks!

Haha!

And I’ve found a weak one!

Bring it on!

Oh wait, another Wailmer Lady.

Roselia is no match for Retro!

Another win!

Of course!

A young girl is stronger than her parents?

Retro grows stronger!

Why, yes you did. Big Stu: 3, Winstrates: 0

Oh yeah?

An old lady!

Not exactly the best combination…

That’s better.

The fourth straight win!

This isn’t an ambush, is it?

_{Note: A Macho Brace reduces speed, but increase the stats a Pokemon gains when it levels up.}

There must’ve been a landslide…