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[existent]

You had plenty of embarrising moments as a newby, so share them while we laugh at you tell you ours.

When, during worldgen, it lists historical figures, dead, and events, I originally thought that "Hist Figs" meant "Figs", as in the tree. I thought it was generating fig trees for my Dwarves to survive off of. I was always confused why figs weren't in the game. I know I saw them being generated, so where are they?

[Urist Imiknorris]

It took me three months of playing until I got a fort to survive until the second dwarven caravan.

I still haven't gotten a king.

[Shogger]

I never, ever made my hallways more than one tile wide until very recently. Even when I had over one hundred dwarves, my most highly trafficked zones would just have one tile wide hallways. My larger forts were a mess of dwarves piling over eachother to get where they were going. Thankfully, my standard hallways are now 3 tiles wide.

[Chicken Launcher]

I've done this many, many times in the past, and still do occasionally. Due to my poor planning my forts run completely out of booze, and I can't produce more for about a year due to a lack of wood for barrels (too much wood being used for bins/beds for new migrants, and the barrels I do make get used for my overproduction of other food). And often I don't have a backup well in place, so my dwarves all have to go out and drink from the river, leading to mass dwarf death due to carp attacks and ambushes/sieges.

[Makbeth]

I didn't take hauling jobs off my famer's labor list.  I started getting messages about my champions dying of hunger.  I looked at my food stocks.  There was just a couple of berries.  I looked for my farmer and found him.  He was in the dining hall.  Eating.

I named him Faminesmith.

[Dakk]

Psh, I wrote this on a adventurer mode topic before, and I shall write it again.

I'm a dwarf, adventurer.
I spot an peasant.
Throw steel battle axe at peasant.
Lodged in the wound.
He falls down.
I get close to get my axe back.
As I get closer, he gets up and removes the axe from the wound.
Then chops my head off with it.

[Makbeth]

Psh, I wrote this on a adventurer mode topic before, and I shall write it again.

I'm a dwarf, adventurer.
I spot an peasant.
Throw steel battle axe at peasant.
Lodged in the wound.
He falls down.
I get close to get my axe back.
As I get closer, he gets up and removes the axe from the wound.
Then chops my head off with it.

At least your adventurer got to participate in a crowning moment of awesome, even if it was someone else's. 

[existent]

At least your adventurer got to participate in a crowning moment of awesome, even if it was someone else's.

I just picture this peasant, he's never done anything exciting his entire life, never amounted to anything, his highest skill was probably "Legendary +3 Loser".

Then, a psychopath in full steel plate comes charging at him out of nowhere. He hurls his axe through the air, lodging it firmly in the peasant's chest, probably ripping a lung in half.

Lying on the ground, everything starts to go black. Then, suddenly, he opens his eyes, jumps up, and rips the axe out his own torso, causing blood to shoot out of him in several directions. He stands there, blinking his own blood out of his eyes, and looks around.

He sees his assailant standing beside him. He unleashes the most guttural battle cry the attacker had ever heard, and with one hand cleaves the axe into his shoulder, driving it through him as if to cut him in two.

The axe sticks when it makes it to the center of his ribcage, and the adventurer falls down, dead. The peasant falls to legs, choking down his final breathes.

Nearby, a small child watches the entire event in horror. Traumatized, he flees the village, and is eventually picked up by a trade caravan. He winds up in a Dwarven Outpost, where is drafted into the workforce immediately.

He lives a happy, successful life. His crowning achievement- an engraving of an engraving of Urist McVenturer and Urist McPeasant. Urist McPeasant is striking down Urist McVenturer. Urist McVenturer is crying in pain. All the Craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality.

[Dakk]

At least your adventurer got to participate in a crowning moment of awesome, even if it was someone else's.

I just picture this peasant, he's never done anything exciting his entire life, never amounted to anything, his highest skill was probably "Legendary +3 Loser".

Then, a psychopath in full steel plate comes charging at him out of nowhere. He hurls his axe through the air, lodging it firmly in the peasant's chest, probably ripping a lung in half.

Lying on the ground, everything starts to go black. Then, suddenly, he opens his eyes, jumps up, and rips the axe out his own torso, causing blood to shoot out of him in several directions. He stands there, blinking his own blood out of his eyes, and looks around.

He sees his assailant standing beside him. He unleashes the most guttural battle cry the attacker had ever heard, and with one hand cleaves the axe into his shoulder, driving it through him as if to cut him in two.

The axe sticks when it makes it to the center of his ribcage, and the adventurer falls down, dead. The peasant falls to legs, choking down his final breathes.

Nearby, a small child watches the entire event in horror. Traumatized, he flees the village, and is eventually picked up by a trade caravan. He winds up in a Dwarven Outpost, where is drafted into the workforce immediately.

He lives a happy, successful life. His crowning achievement- an engraving of an engraving of Urist McVenturer and Urist McPeasant. Urist McPeasant is striking down Urist McVenturer. Urist McVenturer is crying in pain. All the Craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality.

Thanks for glorifying my failure, sir >:C.

I have another actualy.

Elf adventurer this time, with masterwork iron bow.
I climb the tower, I find a goblin child, a guard and a blacksmith.
I snipe the guard and the blacksmith, blacksmith gets an arrow across its brain and passes out.
Guard gets one on his stomach, I get close and break both of his legs, the pain keeping him down.
I grab the child, break all of its limbs, remove both of its eyes, and leave it catatonic on the ground bleeding through its eyesockets.
I start playing around, grabbing the guard's spear and throwing it at him.
I miss.
I move to recover it.
Turns out the blacksmith woke up.
She charged at me and knocked me over.
Guard crawls nearby while I'm stunned and crushes my head with his shield.
I'm slain by a blacksmith with an arrow poking through her head, and a crippled guard.

Good times.

Oh the child? Apparently she survived.

[ECrownofFire]

I have yet to actually get to a point where I get a count, duke, baron, hammerer, or king. Or any noble past the original ones and the Dungeon Master. The reasons vary, but most of the time I just don't bother with the various requirements. I tend to lose a LOT of dwarves too. The caravans sometimes don't make it either. One time I set my depot on fire, and the fire didn't go out for around two or three years.

[existent]

One time I set my depot on fire, and the fire didn't go out for around two or three years.

Pffffft. I've done worse to my garage.

[Craftling]

In my first game, I tunneled into a pond and flooded the passageway, I thought I had lost so I abandoned the fortress.

[Cruxador]

The peasant thing sounds like an exaltation.

[clc02]

D B D
Oh god the time wasted...

Never got baron count duke or king barring adamantine king

[Jordrake]

Not nearly as epic as being murdered by a dying peasant with my own axe, but it took my a good long while before I figured out how the 'dig' designation worked. I assumed it meant digging straight down. When I figured out how to dig straight down, I was delighted (There were no good cliffs on my first embark).
To this day, I still like digging myself a nice hole in the ground.