Turn 11Pillage, THEN BurnErrol(6) Ye shouts yerself hoarse as ye urge yer eagles onward. They be movin' speedily enough that ye might just have a chance at third place if those in front of ye prove their incompetence. (3+1) Ye order yer first mate to open up th' second and last barrel o' grog. He duly takes his sip, (1) an' launches it via the catapult contraption out in front. It proves to be a colossal waste o' fine grog, and yer first mate eyes ye reproachfully. As a matter o' fact, as the barrel shoots ov'r th' Gen'ral Lee, it doth drench yer foes wi' life givin' booze. Thar's not even enough time t' set 'em on fire, so ye can only watch as they be reinvigorated. (4) As ye drive onwards, yer sentient eagle decides to unleash his huntin' cry. It be fearsome, sure enough, and it frightens some small beasties out in the forest, but it don't be enough to sway elephants or dwarves from their course. There weren't even enough noise made fer it to be worth coverin' yer ears.
Everythin' that hit ye did so directly, ye pox-faced bilge rat of a landlubber! This ain't yer Touhou, where part of yer fortress be intangible. Ye score no graze points.
The General Lee be pullin' over the finish line, unfortunately. (Paranatural - ?) As if to mock ye, a sound far louder than yer eagles could ever produce comes from behind ye. Ye turn around before being completely overwhelmed by the sound and sight of Ye Olde Cannony Death. You are briefly blinded and deafened, but you and your comrades have sustained only minor injuries. Yer catapult and yer vessel are a different matter, however. Both are terribly burned, though all living things aboard survived. The eagles are not considered 'aboard,' but they too survive, though three fall to the ground in critical condition. Just as you begin to relax, ye feels a familiar shaking on the ground. Oh, scupper. Ye lie perfectly still as elephants rip yer vehicle apart. Yer first mate is snatched up to be consumed, as are two of yer eagles - not the sentient one, though. Ye bid farewell to yer comrades. Vow revenge? Y/N
SHAD0Wdump(6+1) Aye, me hearty! That be a worthy piratical thing to do. Ye straighten that cannon with such finesse and aplomb that that tar-stain Reginald be left in awe of yer skill. That cannon is so perfectly straightened that even a lubber like him should be able to fire it accurately now. As a matter o' fact, ye have managed to infuse that cannon with the very essence o' piracy. A fine job. (Paranatural - ?) Unfortunately fer ye, yer fine job indirectly leads to ye bein' filled wit' iron and hurled against the wall by a blast of hot air. Aye, the life of a pirate be a difficult one to be sure. Ye fade into unconsciousness.
Continued life is not fer Roland, however. Yer vehicle, having coasted over the finish line, houses a greatly relieved Roland. Standing up to wipe the sweat from his beard, he doesn't notice the cannonfire until he is simultaneously immolated and perforated. His charred corpse crumples to the ground. Henchdwarf Delta suffers a similar fate, but is, unfortunately, not killed. Fortunately Roland was already named first runner up, and so his prize money is passed on to his next of kin - namely, ye.
Frelock(Auto-fail) Argh. Ye be unable to do that with any speed now that you've finished. Ye have been dealt the black spot! Not that that be particularly important. (Paranatural - ?) What is important is that a ludicrously overcharged cannon shot has hit yer vessel: thankfully, the range was too long for yer vessel to catch fire. However, large sections are reduced to charcoal, including important bits of yer perpetual motion machine. That may take a while to fix. Yer enhanced spider physique takes little damage from the cannon's incandescent fury, but ye feel through yer psychic powers an' whatnot that Igor and yer smaller brethren are all hurt badly. Argh.
techno65535Before ye can speak, a keg o' grog sails overhead an' drenches yer vessel in alcohol. Yer crew be refreshed and more able to continue pumpin'! (4+1) Ye continue as ye were, and get by with no internal damage to yer crew. However, yer henchdwarves be unable to figure out why they deserves a rest when they haven't been pumping very long at all. Delta sits around uselessly, accursed bilge rat that he be. Ye speed along with great speed. Haharr, ye're going to beat these lubbers!
(Paranatural - ?) The sound of a cannon, but much, much louder. BOOM. Ye feel a scorching wave o' hot air pass over ye, horribly burning yer back. Several pieces o' shrapnel collide with yer spine, knocking ye to the ground. Ye hear several grunts behind ye, and an audible
whumph. Oh, barnacle. A searing conflagration envelops yer vessel, and screeches fill the air. Looks like that grog was extremely bad luck fer ye. Yer henchdwarves are each burned alive, and an awful stench of burning flesh fills yer nostrils. Yer beard hair shifts to filter it out. The strangler keels over also, but the light in its eyes be not quite out yet, somehow. Tough beastie. Presumably the cage protected it a bit. As ye coast over the finish line, ye survey the damage. Three dead henchdwarves: Alpha, Bravo, and Charlie. That reminds ye, where's Delta? Ye see him over on the Ramstein, still smoking gently. Presumably he's still alive, given that he has the
unyielding power of the earth. Yer engine be about as useful as its former operators at the moment, and the steering system be completely borked, as they say in the vernacular. Cages scorched but operational. Chassis still burning, by the way. It's quite excruciating. Also it's jammed full of shrapnel, so the wheels are grinding a bit. Yer finish while ye was still a-burning would have granted ye style points if everyone were not standing in shocked silence at all the death and fire.
IronyOwl(1) Ye feels a vague sense of puzzlement in the air around ye. For elephants, victory only means that the supply of targets in the vicinity has been depleted. Ye bein' the cap'n, however, the spirit follows yer orders anyway. Th' trumpetin' causes feelin's of equal parts dread an' rage in yer means of locomotion. Lucky fer ye, elephants won't never turn on each other. Since th' trumpetin' were aimed at the finish line, the elephants shy away from it, hoping to delay inevitable victory over their foes. (wolfchild) As a matter o' fact, they come about as smartly as they can and begin thunderin' in the opposite direction, pickin' the target furthest from the finish.
(Paranatural - ?) They do not get very far before you are interrupted by a terrific flash and bang. When your vision clears, you see your elephants succumbing to their inner fury and breaking their harnesses to run in all directions. Their tusks are blackened by heat, suggesting that they been greatly injured. (Errol) Nobody knows better than you that elephants cannot be controlled by any means once their bloodlust has truly woken. You cackle briefly, partly in psychopathic amusement and partly in relief at not being chosen for their next meal. They choose the closest target. (4+1) The SKY FIRE is quickly overturned and what remains of the chassis ripped apart by powerful tusks. All the frustration of being unable to kill things this race is unleashed, and two eagles and the cap'n's first mate are snatched up to be consumed. Several crunching sounds follow. The elephants have finally tasted blood properly, and they let loose an abominable TRUMPET OF DEATH.
Paranatural(6+2) Ye resolve to destroy everyone before ye in a blaze of glorious annihilation! The inherent piratical nature of this command, combined with Shadow's sudden mastery of piratical techniques, shall make for devastation unparallelled in the annals of racin'. (6) In keeping with the spirit of this operation, Reginald shows complete disregard for the safety of the vessel, and pours gunpowder into the cannon with abandon: as a matter of fact, he improvises additional space to hold gunpowder in the cannon. This be rather uncharacteristically irresponsible of him, (4) even though he finally remembers to secure the cannon. Ropes won't be able to hold it though, so his common sense be unimproved.
This be incredibly dangerous. Yer subordinate strikes a match, slowly lowers the flame, and after a long moment a gargantuan explosion issues from both ends of yer cannon. The cannonballs instantly shatter and melt, turning into an expanding cloud of molten shrapnel accompanied by a colossal gout of flame. (?) Moments afterward, the barrel itself seems to dissolve in blinding light as it splinters due to the overwhelmin' force. Ye manage to shield yer eyes before ye go blind, though ye hear screams; some o' them be from yer own mouth, as the heat an' the shapnel cause ye terrible harm, and ye're hurled against the wall by a blast o' superheated air. After ye finally open yer eyes, a rather dismal scene greets ye: all three of ye within th' cabin lie burnt and perforated on the floor. On the bright side, none of ye are bleedin', as the heat instantly cauterised yer wounds. The cabin be a little scorched, but thar weren't much within to be destroyed other than the cannon. Ye struggle to yer feet and peer out the firin' port. Yer eyes meet utter ruination, and a black smoking rut in the ground marks the area unfortunate enough to be in yer line of fire.
Yer cats lie deceased, their harnesses obliterated and many of them reduced to smokin' skeletons or cinders. Ye notice ye were propelled quite a ways backwards by the incredible force. The vessels in front of ye have been rather scorched, not to mention what the shrapnel has done. The SKY FIRE, the closest vessel, is badly burned: much of the chassis, including the rear wheels, has been melted into slag. The cats within are unaccountably resistant to the heat, however. Luckily for Errol, he himself and his first mate are largely unharmed. Unluckily for Errol, the catapult is mostly reduced to charcoal and will be out of commission until repaired. The eagles fall to the ground, bleeding from various wounds.
The Rampage has a wall of elephant flesh facing you, and it be fairly far away. All three elephants are hit by the cloud of shrapnel, and all begin bleeding profusely from various wounds. Their tusks turn black with the heat, and the elephant with the cannonball has an eye rendered useless. A secondary effect of this is to stoke the FURY OF THE PACHYDERM! The elephants be loose! Fortunately, they're not after ye. Yet. Presently, they be rippin' apart the SKY FIRE. Ye can't see how yer attack affected those beyond the finish line, but the General Lee isn't looking too good. Also it's burning, despite bein' made of metal.
The ringing in yer ears slowly fades, and ye stagger down to the ground. Ye pick yerself up, and weep manly tears for all ye have destroyed before ye managed to steal any of it. Ye have forgotten a crucial lesson: pillage, THEN burn.
Yer kittens are now grown.
wolfchild(3) It seems a bit counterintuitive to say 'Faster' in slow motion, but whatever. Ye do so, and it has no measurable effect. Unsurprisingly. (Paranatural - ?) Shiver me timbers! Billions of blue blistering barnacles! A massive explosion seems to have occurred within the vessel in front of ye, and the burst of light from the firin' ports and from the inferno out in front illuminates the jungle briefly. When the smoke clears a little, ye see a smoulderin' wasteland ahead of ye with the silhouettes of elephants runnig wild within. Ye be incredibly glad that ye're in last place.
CommentsA one hundred percent casualty rate for henchdwarves, and if I'm not mistaken, a seventy percent fatality rate. Not bad for one race. In other news, I nearly ran out of synonyms there. A series of unlucky rolls there for IronyOwl's targetin'. Good thing Para has a breedin' pair o' cats, too. I wanted to finish this before International Talk Like A Pirate Day was over in the Pacific, but it was not to be. Mainly due to Paranatural, the blaggard. Those who have finished may be able to take actions, because ameliorating the devastation is certainly relevant to yer present situation. This turn is probably rife with errors and inconsistencies, because it's quite complex. Apologies if you have been unfairly treated. My two-week turn was sort of justified this time, because I wanted to talk like a pirate.
Revised parts list with added raw materials to follow, as well as rules for actions between races. Post-race actions will be processed then. Errol won't be taking further damage from those elephants, if you were wondering. Good race, gentlemen.
P.S. Hope you like textwalls.
Course infoTropical Moist Broadleaf Forest
Heavily Forested
Terrifying
- - - - - - - - - -
S _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ +
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 _ - - 2 2 - 3
+ __ __ __ __ __ F
10 11 12 13 14 15
Key
S = Start
F = Finish
_ = One tile
+ = Corner
Bottom Numbers = Square number
Top Numbers = Racers present on that square
StatusesPosition: Finished - Third place!
Driver's eyes are on fire. Suffering from third-degree burns.
Boarders: None
Iron chassis - Has a pretty huge dent in it and also has a massive dent in the front. Badly scorched, on fire, and jammed full of shrapnel.
Pump engine - Completely useless. Damaged almost beyond repair.
Four standard henchdwarves - Includes Henchdwarf Delta, who has the unyielding power of the Earth and is on the Ramstein, smoking gently. Extremely badly burned, and has lost his beard. Three due for replacement.
Hammer - Held by Henchdwarf Delta.
2 Cages - One broken, the other contains a strangler in critical conditon. Both are badly scorched.
!!Lignite bin!!
Cash: 0☼
Position: 13
Boarders: None.
2 Giant Eagles - Promised more food after the race if they perform well, which was implied to be kobold meat. Will descend into murderous rage if that promise is not met. Survival instinct increased.
Iron Chassis - Many decent-sized holes in it.
Cash: 0☼
Position: 13
Driver weeping manly tears.
Boarders: Igor, who has been instructed to help you and is standing guard. Promised a boot. SHAD0Wdump too. Both unconscious and slightly burned.
Iron Chassis
Enclosed Cabin with Fortifications
Cats - Dead. Numbers may be replenished by the two remaining.
Cannon - Shattered. Only the frame remains.
Henchdwarf - Called Reginald. Efficient, sort of. Doesn't deserve a commendation. Sprawled unconscious in the cabin.
2 Cats
Cash: 0☼
Owed 250☼ by Shadow.
Position: Finished - Second place awarded to Roland!
Driver is on square 13, riding Ye Olde Cannony Death.
Boarders: Henchdwarf Delta, who is stunned and lying sprawled on the chassis.
-Steel chassis - Small gashes on one side
-Spikes(chassis)
-Screw pump engine
-Booze rocket
-Standard henchdwarf - Due for replacement.
Cash: 0☼
Owes Paranatural 250☼.
Position: Finished - First place!
Driver is a spider-dwarf with booze venom and eight legs and stuff. He's also sort of telepathic and commands the loyalty of spiders. Currently knocked on his back.
Boarders: Many phantom spiders, well-entrenched. Suffering from dramatically increased temperatures.
-Wooden Chassis - Charred but still fine.
-Perpetual motion engine - Damaged and inoperable.
-Igor - currently in the cabin of Ye Olde Cannony Death. Face is scratched. Unconscious.
Cash: 50☼
Position: 14
Boarders: None.
Steel Chassis - Has a pentacle drawn on it in dwarf blood. Slightly scorched. Badly dented at the back and has lost a wheel, which is bad for handling.
Elephant Engine - One has had both eyes replaced with small red ones from a strangler. One has a strangler's brain and is a frankenphant. The spirit of the frankenphant remains with you. One has a cannonball lodged just above his tail. All three are burned with blackened tusks, and are bleeding profusely. Have descended into unthinking rage and are ripping apart the SKY FIRE.
Spiked Chassis
Cash: 0☼
Position: 14
Boarders: Two cats.
Chassis: -Iron Chassis - Two cat-shaped holes on the bottom. Rear, including wheels, melted into slag. Mostly ripped apart by elephants.
Engines: -Giant Eagle - One is sentient. Two eaten by elephants.
Weapons: -Catapult - Inoperable, reduced to charcoal.
Henchdwarves: -Standard Henchdwarf - Due for replacement.
Cash: 0☼
Author
Topic: The Dwarven Race III - Race Two, start. (Read 19906 times)