Turn 9The Penultimate StageAlso SpiderdwarvesIronyOwl(2) Predictably, you are completely unable to influence your elephants, despite the presence of a spirit mediator. One wonders why you even bother with these reins in the first place. (Errol) Your elephants tire of having to catch up to vehicles. It's much easier to destroy things you've already caught up with, so they turn around and attack the first dwarf they see. The SKY FIRE is dead in their sights. (4) They line up for a terrible stampede, but the driver doesn't seem at all worried. He looks... calm. (Errol - Auto-success) He guides his eagles gently to the side, and your elephants rush past him like he's a toreador or something. (4) They're unfazed, but you can't help but admire how he managed to get around you. You were taking up most of the road there, after all. The elephants manage to get themselves sorted out and end up doing a full 360 degree turn, lumbering right beside the fortress. The good thing is that your opponent has made them angry now. Also one of them has been hit by a cannonball but seems unaffected. Probably going to be a lot worse when his bloodlust fades and it's dug out of him.
wolfchild(6) Your practice of only thinking one thing at a time really works well for you. It allows you to focus really hard on going FASTER without overtaxing your sharply limited brainpower. Your eagles are a bit worried about you, what with the scrunched up face and the hunched posture and the alarming quivering, so they go faster in the hope of placating you and thus preventing you from having an aneurysm. (6)(1) Unfortunately, your one-track mind doesn't allow you to steer when you're not explicitly thinking about it. Your eagles manage to swerve around the first corner, but end up crashing right into the second one. (3) They each hit a tree, and are stunned. That's not good.
Frelock(6) Right. This time, you are finally going to stop those spiders from chewing on your internal organs. All efforts to expel them from your system have proven futile, so it is clear that you must join with the power of the arachnid. In fact, you realize now that it was only your love for these noble invertebrates that prevented you from casting them out. Now you can embrace your true nature. A biologically improbable transformation takes place as you suppress your digestive system, allowing the spiders to completely hollow you out and build spider-organs in place of your old ones. Your legs atrophy and grow shorter, and four additional ones burst out of your hips and shoulders. You grow additional eyes, as well as an exoskeleton. You now walk similarly to a spider, but you can flex upwards in order to manipulate things with your frontmost appendages, in a manner similar to that of an ape-creature. You also have poisonous fangs and can weave webs. It's all very nice, except now you have to eat insects and they're gross. Also your venom contains booze, so in addition to paralyzing dwarves it also rejuvenates them slightly.
The phantom spiders that infest your vehicle are now at your command.
SHAD0Wdump(2) You try to jump onto the SKY FIRE, but you are unfortunately not a long jump champion. Even a Perfectly Agile dwarf would have trouble with the several dozen metres separating you. Plus there appear to be elephants moving toward it with hostile intent, so you wisely decide to just sit down here for a while. (2) Roland is slightly uncertain of himself without your leadership. He feeds booze into the rocket through force of habit, but the faint hissing noise coming from Henchdwarf Delta is very unsettling. He just ends up staring while sloshing dwarven wine in the general direction of the fire. The finish line approaches, but he's not there yet. He's down to his last barrel of booze, too...
ParanaturalAnother shot! Fire at will! Aim for the big-eared grey menace! Fire! (3) Reginald is unused to shooting so quickly, but he manages to keep the gunpowder from igniting. A few grains go flying here and there, but nothing serious. (6) The elephants' behinds do not present a very large target over the top of the vehicle, but Reginald's accuracy is superb. That fellow would deserve a commendation had he not once again failed to secure the cannon. (3) The barrel is knocked a little more off-kilter, but you have delivered a blow to your foe's engine, such as it is. (4) However, a cannonball to the behind is undoubtedly painful, but hardly fatal. It ends up becoming lodged just above the tail of the leftmost elephant. Ow. While Reginald is doing that, you push your kitties onward through motivation and threatening their children. (3) Cats don't really care about their children though. They produce so many that it would be completely impractical to care for them. They are a little tired from pulling you along all race as well, so you go no faster.
Your kittens are now grown.
Stray cat(Tame) has given birth to kittens.
Stray cat(Tame) has given birth to kittens.
Stray cat(Tame) has given birth to kittens.techno65535You order your henchdwarves to pump like they've never pumped before. (4) They comply, taking a moment to figure out how the pumps work but doggedly denying the fact that they've been pumping for ages and need a rest. The mechanisms squeak and groan, but you move forward quickly enough. Just hitting a mechanism with another mechanism is all it takes for it to work, apparently. (6) Henchdwarf Delta is appalled at his weakness in allowing himself to be disabled by burns, of all things. No dwarf should even notice burns until he keels over dead. He rises, and hears your shouting. (4) Sounds simple enough. Finally, something he can do easily. (Screw pump)(3) Easily, but not well. He just ends up hitting the reinforced steel with his hammer repeatedly like the idiot he is.
ErrolYou empty your mind. A brief flicker of dwarven aggression passes across your thoughts, but you supress it and it disappears as quickly as it came. There are elephants intending to kill you, but you give what will be your impending doom if you do nothing little thought. (Auto-success) Your eagles are slightly troubled, but they keep going straight ahead, no doubt thinking that they'll be freed if your vehicle is destroyed. At what you judge to be the last possible moment, you give their reins a flick and the elephants end up passing by harmlessly. Of course, they immediately turn around and will easily be able to match your eagles' speed, so you still have a problem.
Comments
The rules are still being misinterpreted by criminals and lowlifes. Driving focus means sacrificing
every other action. That means no orders or aggressive driving. Also I'm late with this. Also also, I won't take posting order into account when determining finish order next turn, so it will be based on speed and die rolls and will possibly result in a split of the prize money.
Elephants are supposed to be unstoppable engines of death. :( Stupid dice and stupid rules that I made up.
Course infoTropical Moist Broadleaf Forest
Heavily Forested
Terrifying
- - - - - - - - - -
S _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ +
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 _ 1 1 3 - 1 1
+ __ __ __ __ __ F
10 11 12 13 14 15
Key
S = Start
F = Finish
_ = One tile
+ = Corner
Bottom Numbers = Square number
Top Numbers = Racers present on that square
StatusesPosition: 13
Driver's eyes are on fire. Face burned slightly. Not because of the eyes.
Boarders: None
Iron chassis - Has a pretty huge dent in it and also has a massive dent in the front.
Pump engine - More or less works. Not in tip-top condition though. Steering is still damaged, but the driver has seized the control arms.
4 normal henchdwarves - Henchdwarf Delta has the unyielding power of the Earth and is on the Ramstein, smoking gently. Badly burned, and has lost his beard.
Hammer - Held by Henchdwarf Delta. Currently being wielded ineffectually.
2 Cages - One broken, the other contains a strangler.
!!Lignite bin!!
Cash: 0☼
Position: 13
Boarders: None.
2 Giant Eagles - Promised more food after the race if they perform well, which was implied to be kobold meat. Will descend into murderous rage if that promise is not met. Survival instinct increased. Also stunned.
Iron Chassis - Many decent-sized holes in it.
Cash: 0☼
Position: 12
Boarders: Igor, who has been instructed to help you and is standing guard. Promised a boot. SHAD0Wdump is also riding on the exterior.
Iron Chassis
Enclosed Cabin with Fortifications
Cats
Cannon
Henchdwarf - Called Reginald. Efficient, sort of.
8 Cats, 4 Kittens
Cash: 0☼
Owed 250☼ by Shadow.
Position: 15
Driver is on square 12, riding Ye Olde Cannony Death.
Boarders: Henchdwarf Delta, who is hammering at the chassis ineffectually.
-Steel chassis - Small gashes on one side
-Spikes(chassis)
-Screw pump engine
-Booze rocket
-Standard henchdwarf - Called Roland, vowed not to steal booze from Shadow, convinced that Shadow is watching his every thought.
-Booze x0.5
Cash: 0☼
Owes Paranatural 250☼.
Position: Finished - First place!
Driver is a spider-dwarf with booze venom and eight legs and stuff. He's also sort of telepathic and commands the loyalty of spiders.
Boarders: Many phantom spiders, well-entrenched.
-Wooden Chassis
-Perpetual motion engine
-Igor - currently on the exterior of Ye Olde Cannony Death. Face is scratched.
Cash: 50☼
Position: 13
Boarders: None.
Steel Chassis - Has a pentacle drawn on it in dwarf blood. Slightly scorched. Badly dented at the back and has lost a wheel, which is bad for handling.
Elephant Engine - One has had both eyes replaced with small red ones from a strangler and is lightly injured. One has a strangler's brain and is a frankenphant. The spirit of the frankenphant remains with you. One has a cannonball lodged just above his tail.
Spiked Chassis
Cash: 0☼
Position: 13
Boarders: None.
Chassis: -Iron Chassis
Engines: -Giant Eagle - One is sentient.
Weapons: -Catapult
Henchdwarves: -Standard Henchdwarf - Dashing, shows initiative, has been promised extra booze. Dubiously holds the rank of First Mate.
Misc: 1x -Booze
Cash: 0☼