"Welcome to the most incredible Dwarven sport since...
Uhm...
What other incredible Dwarven sports are there again?"
"What about Dwarven capture the flag?"
"Oh please, that's just a bunch of weaklings running around with boulders while being shot at by ballistae."
"Well I thought it was pretty good."
"Whatever."
"You're all about to witness a spectacle of Dwarven engineering and wits, of brave and suicidal racers head to head, beard to beard! Across several different environments, some of which-"
"All of which."
"All of which involve dangerous features that will test the mettle of all who dare venture forth!"
"So sit back, grab a barrel of dwarven ale, and prepare for the show of a lifetime!"
"Remember the motto: losing is fast!"
This is a racing game RTD. You race against each other in racecars. Dwarven racecars, which are necessarily held together by beard hair and quirks of physics. Foul play during the race is both legal and encouraged.
Suggestions for new parts and tweaks for existing ones are welcome. So are suggestions for rule changes.
Credit goes to SHAD0Wdump for the original idea. For those who've played this before, a lot of things are different, so read the rules and the parts list.
Prospective players should be advised that those on the waiting list can be called up, but it takes a very long time. At present, new players receive 2900 dwarfbucks to make a racecar from the below parts list, subject to the below rules.
Naturally, the core of the game is the d6. You know the drill, higher numbers are better unless a 6 has unintended consequences. An action isn't limited to one roll: unless otherwise stated below, the number is at my discretion. If there are too many rolls to list or I want to keep it secret, I use a (?) to denote the roll instead of a number. Any bonuses are also at my discretion unless noted elsewhere. What this boils down to is that I make up most of what happens on the fly, based on what I believe would happen. For instance, a makeshift flamethrower may not affect an iron chassis too much, but it may incinerate the cats out front. A cannon has a bonus against vehicles and would probably (and has in the past) kill an elephant if it made a direct hit.
Sometimes there may be factors affecting the driver or his vehicle, whch will be noted in the status report at the end of each turn. Note that it is possible to gain bonuses, but things like '+x to y' are the exception rather than the rule.
You can pile as many parts as you like on your vehicle, but only one engine can be in effect at any one time. Other engines can only act as backup. No definite floorplan is necessary, but feel free to specify the layout of your vehicle: where the atom-smasher is located, stuff like that.
Speed
This is fairly simple. The course is a hex grid, and you can go a number of hexes per turn determined by your speed.
Turns
Every turn, you can do three things:
Order your henchdwarves around. There is a limit to how complex these orders can be, but you can always leave standing orders to be carried out every turn.
Steer. This is done automatically, but there are three special driving modes you can use, detailed below. If for some reason you are unable to steer and the wheel is unattended, you will eventually go off course and will auto-fail cornering rolls.
An action. This can be more or less anything, but there is a limit of one per turn - though there is some ambiguity about what exactly constitues one action. As a rule of thumb, so long as it's not obviously two different things and doesn't upset game balance then it's fine.
Driving modes
One can be chosen per turn, if you wish. You don't need to, but it can be advantageous.
Aggressive driving: pushes your engine harder. Plus one to speed, minus one to cornering, and will eventually damage something important in your vehicle.
Cautious driving: you drive more slowly. Plus two to cornering, minus one to speed.
Driving focus: the racing equivalent of a martial trance. You forfeit your action and your henchdwarf orders to gain perfect reflexes and superdwarven skill. This allows you to avoid more or less anything which is possible to avoid.
Attacks must first roll to hit, then to pierce the armour before they can damage something. You can aim for a specific target (including a hole you already made). Attacks made while boarding get a bonus and obviously don't need to roll to hit.
You must have a chassis and an 'engine' to participate. At the end of each race, the winner gets 1500, second place gets 1250, third gets 1000, and everyone else gets 500.
When people finish the race, they can still take actions. However, they have to be immediately relevant. No trying to repair your vehicle unless it's on fire or something. At the end of the race, there's one extra turn for everyone to mourn the losses they will have inevitably experienced. Or maybe do something else.
Between races, you have time for four actions, such as working on your racer or doing odd jobs for cash. Odd jobs can include the tried and tested mug spam. Should you wish to perform actions of an unscrupulous nature, you can PM me a different turn to what you post. Remember that dwarven justice frequently involves a large hammer. Henchdwarves get one action each and are somewhat less effective than players.
Crafting stuff is possible: the quality depends on your roll. Handmade weapons and bolts and such are generally better than the cheap stuff made with immigrant labour. Workshops are free to use. Skilled craftsmen can be contracted: just specify what you want and you'll get a quote for it. That is to say, a price. Don't feel the need to craft, though. Other stuff is just as viable.
Chassis
Each of these comes with matching wheels.
-Wooden chassis-
400☼
No bonuses or penalties.
-Iron chassis-
900☼
+1 armour bonus. Also doesn't burn.
-Steel chassis-
1200☼
+2 armour bonus.
-Adamantine chassis-
5000☼
Unbreakable. Cobbled together from the weapons taken from a doomed fortress!
Chassis mods
-Enclosed cabin-
+400 to base cost
Henchdwarves are protected from ranged weapons by the armour, but cannot shoot from inside. Boarders must hang on to the outside, and getting in requires a roll. Unless there's a hole in the armour already.
-Enclosed cabin with fortifications-
+500 to base cost
Same as enclosed cabin, but henchdwarves can shoot from inside.
-Spikes-
+500 to base cost
+1 to ramming. Those who ram you get counterattacked automatically.
Wheel mods
-Spikes-
+250 to base cost
+1 to ramming.
'Engines'
Only one engine can propel a racer at a time.
-Cats-
200☼
Speed of two. Produces two kittens every turn, which mature the next. What you do with them is up to you. About eight cats per engine.
-Elephants-
800☼
Not inclined to listen to you. Attack a random racer, usually the nearest. Four speed and bonus to rolls for going round corners, but if they're your only means of moving forward, you'd better hope they try to savage the leading dwarf. Three elephants are included.
-Furnace-
850☼
Three speed. The dwarf who sells these says that they're totally safe forever and that the casing won't be spontaneously breached, but it may still be a bad idea to use one on a wooden racer. Just sayin'.
-Screw pump engine-
100☼
Must have at least one henchdwarf assigned at all times. One speed per henchdwarf, to a maximum of three.
-Perpetual motion machine power plant-
2000☼
Four speed. Bulky, but harnesses the power of dwarven physics. Cannot be made to go faster with aggressive driving.
-Giant Eagles-
750☼
Only two speed, but these fellows can lift you up into the air every other turn. While in the air, you can only be hit by ranged weapons, auto-succeed on cornering rolls and are unaffected by obstacles. Two of these will allow you to stay in the air permanently. Each engine comes with four eagles.
-Booze Rocket-
100☼
Three speed, must be manned, and consumes half a barrel of booze (50☼ each) per turn. Aggressive driving uses a full barrel per turn.
Weapons
-Machine Crossbow-
400☼
Range 1. Fires twice every turn. -1 to hit, can only damage living flesh. Bolts are free.
-Catapult-
500☼
Range 4. -3 to hit, +3 to damage. Hard to use, but it's going to mess your opponent up when it hits.
-Ballista-
750☼
Range 3. No bonuses or penalties.
-Atom Smasher-
800☼
For defence against boarders. Must be manned as they approach, but an excellent chance that it will either annihilate or fling overboard one or more hostile dwarves. Small chance one of your own henchdwarves will suffer the same fate...
-Cannon-
650☼
Range 4, +2 to damage. Roll for chance of gunpowder explosion with each attack.
-Caged fire imps-
500☼
Throw these on someone's racer and laugh. Comes with four imps per race.
-!!Lignite!! in a bin-
200☼
You only get one of these, but it will never stop burning. Very potent. Very bad for a wooden racer. Comes with a free set of tongs.
-!!Pig tail sock!!-
50☼
Only lasts one race. Throw it on a square, and every other racer in that square must roll with a penalty to prevent a crash. The henchdwarf who uses it remains on fire throughout the race. Better not mix him with the booze...
-Grappling hook-
250☼
Range 1 if thrown. Attach yourself to another racer! Bonus to boarding actions, will pull you along if you're slower than the one you're grappling. Can be detached manually from either racer, and if you pull ahead it will auto-detach.
-Magma slick-
400☼
Refilled from the magma pipe sea each race. Drops some lava on the ground behind you. Requires quick reflexes to avoid.
Henchdwarves
-Standard henchdwarf-
250☼
Your basic dwarf. Unskilled and with total disregard for his own safety. Cannot board other racers. Replaced for free with immigrants next race if killed.
-Crazy henchdwarf-
100☼
Can board other racers instead of merely defending. Not replaced if killed.
-Siege operator/marksdwarf-
400☼
+1 to hit with all ranged weapons, +1 shot per turn with crossbow. Cannot board, not replaced if killed.
-Mechanic-
300☼
+1 to repair work and other stuff to do with mechanisms. Not replaced if killed.
-Kobold in disguise-
50☼
Cheap kobold labour! Not replaced after the race, may try to escape, and may be able to pick locks.
Henchdwarf accessories
-Sword of some description-
100☼
Can be used to arm henchdwarves.
-Axe-
100☼
Can be used to arm henchdwarves.
-Hammer-
100☼
Can be used to arm henchdwarves.
-Spear-
100☼
Can also be used to arm henchdwarves.
-Shield-
100☼
Hold it and it protects you.
-Leather armour-
50☼
Generally made from the skin of the fluffy wambler, this stuff protects you if you wear it.
-Chain armour-
100☼
Wear it and you'll not only be protected, but also all jangly.
-Plate armour-
150☼
More efficacious in warding off aggression than more pedestrian forms of armour.
Miscellaneous
-Booze-
50☼ per barrel
Whatever you want to use it for. It's explosive, for one thing. Your henchdwarves might drink it when they try to use it, though.
-Mechanism-
100☼
An all-purpose bauxite mechanism, for the discriminating consumer. Can be used as spare parts or to make traps, gear assemblies, or whatever. The mechanic's guild guards the secret of their creation jealously. Unauthorized manufacture is possible to those who know how, but violators of the ban shall be prosecuted to the full extent of the dwarven justice system if caught.
-Enormous corkscrews, menacing spikes, spiked balls-
50☼
Use them to make traps. You can also use the weapons listed above, including the crossbow, in traps.
-Cage-
50☼
Can be used to make cage traps. Unlimited capacity, but only an empty cage works for a trap.
-Metal-
20☼ per bar
All metal, including steel, iron, gold, trifle pewter and so on is worth exactly the same amount of money. Adamantine wafers are not available.
-Stone-
20☼ per rock
Everything from marble to limestone to cinnabar to pitchblende to microcline to bauxite is available. Except raw adamantine. Dwarves are, of course, immune to the effects of cinnabar and pitchblende, but lesser forms of life are not.
-Soap-
20☼ per block
Soap. Comes in blocks. As per 40d rules, this is of limited use except as an absurd building material.
-Bones-
10☼ per bone
Any sort of mundane bone, including skulls.
-Megabeast bones-
150☼ per bone
Mount a dragon skull on your vehicle. Pretty cool.
-Other raw materials-
20☼ per unit
Everything, essentially, is available for the arbitrary price of twenty dwarfbucks. Tower-cap logs, potash, coke, et cetera.
Repairs
100☼ per damaged part. May remove positive modifiers acquired during the race as well, unless you perform them yourself. Obviously, performing them yourself is also free.
Paranatural - Ye Olde Cannony Death
Iron Chassis
Enclosed Cabin with Fortifications - Bronze colossus head mounted on forward cannon port.
Cats - Fit and well-trained.
Cannon - Can be overcharged, which is not recommended at all.
Henchdwarf - Called Reginald. Efficient, sort of. Doesn't deserve a commendation. Incompetent at heckling. Wearing chain armour.
Booze rocket - Skeletal arm mounted on top. Fingers arranged in an obscene gesture.
Booze x4
4 Cats
Cash: 20☼
SHAD0Wdump - Ramstein
-Steel chassis - Small gashes on one side, two elf skulls mounted on it.
-Spikes(chassis)
-Screw pump engine
-Double booze rocket - Can be fed with extra booze: one barrel extra for +1 speed or two barrels extra for +2
-Booze flamethrower
-Standard henchdwarf - Named Roland II. Terrified of Luthor.
-Crazy henchdwarf - Named Luthor. Has an axe, chain mail armour, and is wearing a bull skull as a mask.
-Grappling Hook
-Femur x2
-Flag of the Wrathful Cups
-Booze x14
Cash: 0☼
Frelock - Whatthehellwasthat?!
Driver is a spider-dwarf with booze venom and eight legs and stuff. He's also sort of telepathic and commands the loyalty of spiders.
Boarders: Many phantom spiders, well-entrenched.
-Steel Chassis
-Enclosed cabin with fortifications
-Perpetual motion engine - Fine, if a bit burnt.
-Igor - Has a really nice boot: the Mechanism of Spiders, a fluffy wambler leather left boot. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality, and it is adorned with hanging rings of hoary marmot bone and menaces with spikes of citrine. Traumatized from spiritual crisis. Unwilling to hurt Paranatural.
Cash: 250☼
IronyOwl - Rampage
Driver attuned to elephant spirit. Angry and has small tusks.
Steel Chassis - Has a pentacle drawn on it in dwarf blood. Slightly scorched. Badly dented at the back and has lost a wheel, which is bad for handling.
Elephant Engine - One has had both eyes replaced with small red ones from a strangler. One has a strangler's brain and is a frankenphant. One has a cannonball lodged just above his tail. All three are burned with blackened tusks.
Frankenphant's Spirit - Loyal and attuned to you.
Spiked Chassis
Spiked wheels
Cash: 250☼
"Mad Bomber" Errol - Flying Fortress SKY FIRE
Boarders: Dozens of cats.
Iron Chassis - Fortified firing postion at rear.
Giant Eagle - One is sentient.
Catapult - Inoperable, reduced to charcoal.
Machine crossbow
Standard Henchdwarf - Familiar with machine crossbows.
Cash: 0☼
Inventory
A preposterous number of cats
maxicaxi - Assault and Battery
Iron Chassis
Machine Crossbow
Siege operator/marksdwarf
Crazy henchdwarf x2
Furnace
Kobold in disguise x3 - Fanatically loyal.
Cash: 0☼
Inventory
Miscellaneous useless wooden parts
Unfinished machine gun
Two granite rocks
iceball3 - The Adorable Gaze
Iron Chassis
Enclosed Cabin with fortifications
Furnace
Kobold not in disguise x2 - Holding spears, wearing armour. One terrified out of his wits, the other filled with cheese-inspired loyalty.
Leather armor x3
Spearx2
CHEESEx3
Cash: 0☼
Person - That thing over there
Iron Chassis
Furnace
Cannon
Standard Henchdwarf - Called Olon.
Mechanism
Cage
4 Steel bar
Steel shortsword - Masterfully constructed, ever-sharp and unbreakable.
Cash: 80☼
techno65535 - The General Lee Lost at sea.[/b]
Driver is a being composed of everburning flame which can eat souls, and has eaten the soul of a strangler and a dwarven miner.
Iron chassis - Extremely badly scorched. Has been mangled and poorly repaired.
Enclosed Chassis - Includes a door separating pump room from driver's room.
Pump engine - Scorched.
Five standard henchdwarves - Includes Henchdwarf Delta, who has the Unyielding Power of the Earth. Others are Foxtrot, Golf and Hotel.
Hammer - Held by Henchdwarf Delta.
2 Cages - One broken. Both are badly scorched.
!!Lignite bin!!
Booze x1
Mechanism
Steel Pick
Cash: 50☼
Inventory
Steel platform with holes for axles.
Urist McUrist (wolfchild) - Urist's Kobold Penitentiary DIED IN SHAME
2 Giant Eagles (1500)
Iron Chasis (900)
2 Kobolds in diguise (100)
Cash: 0☼
First course infoTropical Moist Broadleaf Forest
Heavily Forested
Terrifying
S _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ +
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 _ 10
+ __ __ __ __ __ F
11 12 13 14 15
Key
S = Start
F = Finish
_ = One tile
+ = Corner
Second course infoElven forest retreat. Bounty of fifty dwarfbucks per elf killed.
The goal is to get to the different-coloured forest tiles at the end, representing a peaceful sacred grove by the side of a small lake. Bonus points for burning it to the ground. Champions will be waiting in ambush there to protect those who have finished from elven retribution.
•Standard routes are there for easy navigation. Simply say 'I'll head down the left fork' to describe your movement. This isn't to say you can't strike out into the wild green yonder, you'll just have to describe your movement in more detail. For example, you can say 'I'll head toward the nearest elven dwelling and fire my doom laser at it,' rather than continuing down the path.
•Light forest is standard terrain, and carries no penalties to movement.
•Heavy forest carries a chance per tile travelled that you'll hit a tree. This may or may not be a problem, depending on your vehicle.
•Watery terrain and such may carry speed penalties.
•The brown lines between some hexes are cliffs: the lines going outward point toward the lower elevations. The most important implication of this is that there is a waterfall leading into the lake.
Map made using
Hexographer.