Notes on a mossy and cauterized stone tablet…
Autumn, Year 10731st LimestoneGiven the state of the fort – it’s inefficiency at production and relying mostly on selling the tons and tons of debris from sieges and such – I’ve decided to at least glance through the resumes of the various inhabitants of Ardentdikes. Because of that, I’ve made a small discovery. That little sacrificial child who is trapped on top of the ever-delayed Spider Crusher turns out to be a legendary prodigy in this fort.
I was contemplating over whether or not actually setting up a rescue mission before but given my hatred for the young ones, especially the small, drooling attention seeking annoyances that drop off their mothers when they’ve gotten real fat and plump, I think I can now safely say that that’s not going to happen. Besides, we’ve got more important business at hand than baby-sitting. For instance, we need to get Ardentdikes into working order so as to restore it to its previous glory. But more importantly, we want that damn adamantine. The magma sea and the forgotten of the caverns aren’t going to stop us. They may postpone their doom by scaring off the “hard-working” dwarves but in the end, their fates are sealed. For Mr. Spider, that means sealed with the very earth on top of it’s large but empty head. The last bath will be its last moment.
8th LimestoneOur broker finally decides to get off her lazy behind and actually heads up to the depot for once. Humans aren’t exactly known for their patience, but lack of, and as such starting the trade negotiation is paramount to our continual existence. So, for our collected garbage disposed upon their pack mules, we manage to snag some much needed resources e.g. metal bars, glass and thread from the humans’ sunburnt hands. On my way back to the magma works, I smack the broker in the back of her head so she’ll eventually learn to get to the depot in time so we avoid the “Trade Panic”.
P.S. They were selling this.
16th LimestoneOur beloved hated Mayor is once again riding on his high horse and demands us to create two more trifle pewter items under pain of death so he can add those to his collection of trifle pewter filled trash. Had I not drunk the last drop of the highly distilled alcohol in the previous overseer’s liquor cabinet before, I would have been able to send him to pull a “special” lever. Unfortunately, we’re now going to have to comply, albeit against our will, with his damn order.
But that’s not the worst news today. No, today it gets worse. We previously had trouble with channelling the last pieces of the Spider Crusher when the intended victim of said device was stirring fear into our miners. For the last month now, we’ve been working on a workaround so as to have those last pieces dug out. By “dug out” I mean having the ceiling collapse upon them. I’ve been pessimistic about the results for some time due to the constant shouting from the depths. But earlier this noon, I’ve heard a large crash come from down there. At first, I think we’ve finally sent down the Spider Crusher, but then my hope is broken by knowing we’ve attached a support to the Crusher to safely release it in a controlled manner. So instead we’ve only managed to send down one of the workaround “Pillars”. Problem is, I have no idea of how many dwarves are down there. Thus I nervously await a damage report and get a pessimistic answer. Not only has our sacrificial child fallen down in the following confusion into the watery depths, but also a Metalcrafter as well as an Animal Dissector. They’re all drowning, in severe pain and about to be a tasty snack to our resident Evil Lobster. They’re sacrifices as far as I know, though, and I will not let this deter us from releasing our vengeance upon the monsters of the depths.
18th LimestoneBy the time we’ve declared the sacrifices to be dead from drowning in water or acid, another “Pillar” collapses. This time we’re losing a miner, who instead of landing in the water has a rather painful and bone-breaking crash landing on land. Luckily for him, the Evil Lobster is nowhere to be seen near him and since Mr. Spider has decided to perpetuate his bath, our lost miner might actually be salvageable.
20th Limestone
Or not. Sorry dude, but you’re toast. We’ll be sure to give you a memorial slab sometime in the distant future when we aren’t swimming around in tattered loincloths. We’re also postponing the adamantine platform until we’ve found a way to deal with the wingless, fire-spewing dragon look-alike.
21st LimestoneThe elves have cursed us! Even nature itself is opposing our will and are defacing our dwarven comrades' work. This needs to be dealt with…
22nd LimestoneI and a few other dwarves are hanging around on what’s left of the postponed Spider Crusher betting on how our friendly firespitter downstairs is going to kill his prey. While I myself have bet that he does a body slam from the wall on the miner and the subsequent seismic waves will cause the Mayor to fall into the beast’s gullet, the majority of us think that the miner will merely go down in a blaze of flames. It turns out we are both wrong as the lizard has the touch of death!
[Insert captured image of iguana with touch of death, which failed and instead captured Notepad]
And he’s magma-proof.
I’m scared now.
23rd LimestoneWe’re slowly becoming the pimps of these lands with all the new golden statues placed in the corridors. But it’s needed to attract the necessary workforce. The downside is it’s also going to attract more bloodthirsty goblins hating our kind. A big risk, yes, but it’s a calculated risk within acceptable parameters.
Beyond that, we’re also going to be converting an unused area into a fitting prison in case the Mayor gets any funny ideas. We may get caged, but we will remember. Oh yes, we will.
1st SandstoneWhile we’re going at a snail’s pace at restoring Ardentdikes, we aren’t going fast enough. We’re beginning to stagnate. The idlers are increasing in numbers and are getting restless and Adil knows the last things we want are restless dwarves eating our food, drinking our alcohol, producing nothing and bonding with one another. Come one death, and cue the tantrum conga line. As such, we need something to do and only the messy blueprints are going to give us an answer.
From the looks of things, a simple job would be repairing the non-functional Crusher “alley”. The worn and damp notes left on the engine don’t give us much of an idea of what’s wrong, so troubleshooting is up first. At first impression, the pressure plate may be defunct with the wrong water settings for it, so we’re going to replace it with a new one. But first we need to halt the engine. I know of a few ways to do that.
3rd SandstoneSome bastard decided to destroy my beauty sleep this morning to notify me about our maddwarf stoneworker finally ceasing to babbling around naked by drying up. He’s so dry; we can spin him around on an elf and make fire. Of course, he was dead to me months ago. But let this be a lesson to all other dwarves: shouting into my ears at full blast while I’m sleeping isn’t going to help you get respect around here. It’s quite detrimental to your respect, actually. Should we ever get a hammerer, you’re first on the hit list.
Also, do you know what else is dead to me? Morte puppies.
11th Sandstone
Oh for the love of… Don’t you guys ever learn from your mistakes? Babies aren’t welcome here. Unless, you know, you plan on using them as siege ammunition, in which case by all means. Go ahead. Just be sure to cover their mouths with cloth, soaked in ether, and feed them using soundproof straws. Burn their “droppings” in the volcano.
13th Sandstone
Apparently, the trifle pewter items weren’t enough for the greedy Mayor. Now he’s forbidding the export of shields! He knows his time’s coming. Blast. Someone must have leaked. We need to find this mole!
17th SandstoneOur mechanics were taking their sweet time installing and linking up the control lever for the Crusher’s engine, but they decided to man up for once and built the pressure plate in record time. This bodes well for us now. Now to see how fast they can link the components. Get linking!
20th Sandstone
Once again I glance at the resumes and notice we have quite a few bowyers here. Furthermore, one has gone missing. While I usually don’t care for bowyers, when one disappears you know they’re up to four things; madness, melancholy, rage and legendary items. First, they go mad, start acting like they own the place and takes over an already cluttered and overworked workshop. Then they get stricken by melancholy when they realise the fort doesn’t have the materials required for their mad idea. Subsequently, they’re filled with infuriating rage and generally wreck the place until they find a fitting substitute. During that time they’re gathering said materials. That cycle pretty much repeats after they’ve prepared one piece of the materials.
If you’re lucky they’ll actually start working on their bloody thing as well and you end up with a usually useless but oftentimes not so worthless item. If you’re unlucky, then they’ll stop whatever they’re doing and leave the workshop in whatever state of the cycle they are in at the time. Madness and melancholy; that you can handle since those affected are just dead weight slowly being fed to the magma. Rage, on the other hand, is unwanted. People tend to die that way. So since I can’t find a single bowyer’s workshop, I’m building one in the depths near the massive wood stockpiles.
More discoveries are made when I find out that the squads are to equip leather vests but they aren’t. We need maximum protection for these guys, so the leatherworkers will be busy making sublime vests just for them.
24th SandstoneWe’re installing more coffins at the burial site and are just in time since we have visitors. A giant Olm is kind enough to pay us a visit and would very much like to meet one of our representatives. I know who’s perfect for that position. With the Channels going down again, I’m perplexed at the amazing reaction time of the Palace Guard who once again singlehandedly wrestles with the Olm. I think I can guess who’ll be sending whom back.
28th SandstoneSo first beasts from beneath us start harassing us and now giant eagles from above, all the while I’m checking up on the progress of the Chambers. Give us a rest already!
7th TimberThankfully, we won’t have a homicidal bowyer this season. Our local insane bowyer has finally started working on his “masterpiece”. Here’s a tip: make it good and make it capable committing genocide against the elves and their allies, the kobolds and goblins.
11th Timber
Looks like we’ll be capping some goblins and making the elves do the “Pinedance”! Totally worth 105 600 bucks. And soon we’ll be crushing our foes too! We’re currently at 50% linkage for the Crusher.
14th Timber
Our dwarven kinsmen have arrived to do trade with us. You know what that means, Channels? It means there’ll be thieves afoot in abundance. Be watchful, check for traps and sharpen your axes, swords and hammers. Hell, follow the Palace Guard’s example and sharpen your teeth and knuckles, too.
17th TimberThief! See, I told you! Not that they’re going to get away with any goods or anything. The broker’s surprisingly already ready to trade away our trash for resources. It should go smoothly too as we don’t have to worry about wooden items or anything like we had to for those narcissistic elves earlier.
Of course, it would go even smoother if we haven’t had malevolent ghosts around. Where’s the damn memorial slab, people!? For crying out loud, we survived a rot plague but at this rate we’ll instead die from ghosts paralysing us, forcing us to dehydrate and starve to death.
We’re also installing some wells in areas where we can. They may not serve a practical function due to the filthy water, but at least it will be pretty with good aesthetics.
24th TimberToday’s the moment of truth. The final linking business for the Crusher is done and we can move onto testing this beast. And guess what, it bloody works!
Well, sort of. They just stay up now. But we’re so close! I can already feel the bones of future victims getting crushed into nothingness. We must continue with the troubleshooting.
I think I’ve figured it out. The problem lies at the reset timer. The water’s moving too quickly and is keeping the pressure plate in its active state, preventing the Crusher from resetting. We’ll be working around this by making the water move further. I’m not sure on how much is needed, but we’ll start by increasing the length by 50%.
Also, morte kittens. We won’t be hypnotised, my furry fiends.
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Topic: Ardentdikes - Absolute disaster - (31.25) (Succession)(Need Players!) (Read 222229 times)