Notes on a mossy and cauterized stone tablet…Summer, Year 10731st HematiteYou know what they say? “Don’t wake the sleeping bear”. Well, we currently have a bunch of elven traders up on top ready to trade and all of that, but our broker’s down in her comfy wooden bed sleeping. Now I could go and wake the bear and feel the rage of the broker who obviously has actually drunk alcohol to be sleeping that well with all the ruckus and miasma all over the place left over from the flooding before. And that terrifies me since I haven’t had a good drink in a long time. We dwarves need alcohol to work and those who haven’t are severely weakened by the alcohol withdrawal, such as me. But I’ll be having a drink soon, so if she isn’t awake by then, we’ll be having some issues. On the other hand, I could carry the whole freaking bed up to the depot and pretend to be trading, impersonating the broker’s voice and controlling her movement as a puppet master with a monster of a construction. Of course that will take time, which we don’t have since the traders will be leaving soon, and it would probably piss off the treehuggers. So I’m left with waiting until that sucker wakes up to do the damn trading and garbage disposal. We have a lot of garbage to toss out on those elves. I hope they’ll like the tattered trousers.
7th HematiteThe broker’s awake but she’s still being a complete ass, drinking on the job. Save some of that booze, would you?! We need it to survive! Hell, I need it!
But that’s not the biggest problem. Remember that cave crocodile that toppled our golden statues in the Cavern Island place? Well, apparently he doesn’t like us for flooding and ruining his party, but instead of filing a complaint to the Neighbourhood Association he decides to take the law into his own hands and rushes up the staircase, murders one of our furnace operators and subsequently proceeds to rampage throughout the lower depths of the fort.
Well, we can’t have that, now can we? So I send down “The Channels of Catching” to catch Mr. Croc, kill him, dump his body into a channel and set him ablaze. Unfortunately, our Uggi gets in his path, but luckily he makes an epic roll and rolls away.
While that happens, our Palace Guard ascends to Mr. Croc but he seems to have forgotten his weapon. Like that will stop him. He’s a monster himself.
We have an epic wrestling match! In the blue corner, there’s the Palace Guard. In the red corner, Mr. Croc! Mr. Croc gets a lucky shot and causes the Palace Guard to tumble over! Is this the end of the Palace Guard? Find out next, after the break.
Under that break, the guard gets up on his feet and does the craziest shit I’ve ever seen.
SIX TIMES, MR. CROC! WHERE’S YOUR DEATH ROLL NOW!?
Buzzard Punch!
So with that debacle out of the way, I have the guys continue working on the water cistern. If my maths is correct, we can expect 336 Urists
3 worth of clean water. I’m also sealing up the entrance to the Cavern Island with a door. Hopefully, that will stop further incursions from people who can’t file a complaint properly.
9th HematiteSo we have a bridge now for the Project F.U. Brook tunnel. Since the enemy can walk on it into our nice, messy and bloody fort, I’ll have a mechanic link it to a lever so we can have the enemy walk into the nice, warm and lethal volcano. Ha!
11th HematiteWe’ve tried to trade to today. But it doesn’t bode well when the broker’s too drunk to stand on his feet. Despite having meticulously screened the goods for any relation to wood, one or more wooden items gets through and the elves are pissed off. Well, screw you guys then. We’ll just be taking these alcohol and empty barrels, berries and thread. Oh and those animals you’ve got caged there. Nice. I’ll be finding a good use for the jaguar, Giant jaguar, leopard and grizzly bear. Possibly have them launch an assault on the elves. Then we can sell the corpses to potential Miasma™ customers!
14th HematiteI think it’s pretty clear now that I don’t like the Mayor, despite him being in the army. But instead of outright murdering the guy, I’m going to annoy him. Therefore, I’ve ordered an unused area to be expanded and turned into a royal house fit for a king.
He pissed me off before, now I’ll piss him off by assigning the room to anyone but him. I also need to tell the masons and engravers to make it more legendary than his but one of the stoneworkers ends up missing. It turns out he’s gone fey and he’s most likely is going to die since Adil knows what items he’ll be ripping off from their better purposes. Damn it.
15th HematiteIt looks like we’ll be having another legendary craftsdwarf if he survives the procedure as he’s claimed a craftdwarf’s workshop.
17th HematiteSee, this is what happens when you don’t create enough coffins. We get a bunch of murderous ghosts rising up from the dead. We need Adil to smite Adil. That, or an exorcist. This place is haunted.
21st HematiteIt turns out a previous overseer have had the dwarves working non-stop on creating steel armor. But we don’t have enough bars to do it so a few dwarves, along myself, are heading down into the fiery depths to make some. Maybe it will also alleviate my headache as long as the armorsmiths don’t hammer too hard.
24th HematiteI’ve gotten a report that the cistern is nearing completion. So we move on to the next phase and start working on the roof and pumping tower.
3rd MalachiteThe miners have finally dug out the new chambers, so now the masons can start to smooth it out. Besides that, the architecture of the cistern is pretty much complete. What’s left is decorating the thing. And we’re going royal this time; gold well with decorated copper chain and an iron bucket, along with a golden pump and green glass windows. Oh yeah.
Also, we don’t seem to get any migrants this season.
I’m guessing it’s because of all the dead bodies everywhere, miasma and general age. This fort is 22 years old. You’d think that it would outshine the capital by becoming it, but no. The royalty has not yet decided to move in. So we have to work on giving this fort a plastic surgery. But then again, without the wave after wave of migrants, I won’t have to listen to babies screaming all over the-
"The Broker has given birth to a baby."
DAMN YOU BROKER!
5th MalachiteWe’ve got a bunch of lazy bastards sitting down in the dining hall using all of our food supplies. Among them are the jewellers. After several hours of looking in the blueprints for the jeweller’s workshops, I’ve assigned them to work on cutting those damn gems. To both make a good trade and pimp out the fortress, the gem setters will be encrusting both goods and furniture. This will make the guys happier as well.
I’ve also noticed some unused areas of what I assume are bedrooms. Seeing as we have lots of crap in the furniture storage, I’ve decided to have these rooms completed.
13th MalachiteI must live in a completely different time than these fools. It’s the only explanation. Our alcohol stockpile’s running low, so the brewers are going to have a field day brewing. However, I don’t want use the wood to create barrels. But NO ONE in this whole fort is able to create a damn rock pot. I don’t know. Maybe I’ve missed something. BUT I WANT MY ROCK POTS!
When searching for a way of creating rock pots, I’ve also noticed how crazy some of the labour assignment are for some of the dwarves. Seriously, there’s one doing mining, then smelting, then cutting gems and he’s probably even going to cook his own damn food. It’s no wonder that our production levels are so low when everyone is running around doing one job in the magma works, then another up on sublevel one. 75% of their time is done running around! Something needs to be done here. Obviously moving every single workshop is out of the question since it would take too much time. No, instead I think we need some actual specialists and not some jacks-of-all-trade. That’s what’s in store for the next migration wave since I’m not jumping in to the swimming pool full of job resumes and diplomas from the University of Losers. A fresh start even.
17th MalachiteProgress! The cistern is finished and ready to be filled with clean, filtered water. No more conspiracies, folks. No more.
21st MalachiteJust like I thought, the stoneworker is going to die. He still hasn’t started constructing and is perpetually yelling for yarn cloth. WE DON’T HAVE ANY, YOU JERK! Die already, okay? Where’s my beer…
28th MalachiteI’ve just opened the cistern for public use. The water, while still not as good as alcohol, tastes fine. It’s definitely better than the previous crap we’ve drunk.
I’ve also notice that the squads are all angry and pissed off and will probably kill me for staring at them for too long. They’re also very hungry. Considering how they are stationed up on top for two months straight, I’ve decided to increase their food rations. We certainly can spare the lot. Get a surgeon up there and you might even eat that flesh you’ve stored in your arms to look all buff and scare off the kobolds.
I’m considering our next project. I'm aiming at mining some adamantine, safely of course, and since a previous overseer has already gotten one area for the spire in the NW corner, I’ll be taking care of the other spire. Although, it will be more difficult considering that the spire is entirely submerged in magma and above it is a cavern lake. A previous overseer has tried to collapse a rock plug into the magma sea to drain the little cavern lake. It didn’t work back then it seems but we’re going to try a different route. Instead of draining the lake, we’ll be creating a platform that will push away the water so we can dig down and pump the magma away and dig sideways into the spire. However, there’s a problem.
There’s a huge spider in the lake, as well as another forgotten beast lobster lurking around somewhere. The lobster we’ll have to deal with later, but the spider is having a very long bath and hasn’t moved an inch. Since it’s in the water, we obviously can’t drown it. So we’re resorting to a more orthodox method.
CRUSH IT.
11th GalenaWell, what do you know; the stoneworker has gone completely insane and is babbling nonsense while throwing away his clothes. He’s now running naked through the corridors. What indecency…
15th GalenaThe chambers are getting done in a reasonable pace. Just you wait, Mayor, just you wait. Soon, your hatred for someone else that has a better abode than you will drive yourself mad. Years from now, you’ll look back on your life, if you could have done anything to get better treatment than the maggot-infested hole your corpse is lying in, providing the miasma for the Mistma™, bought by an elf! So you enjoy your “stuff” now, but my revenge will come!
The humans are here, as well, so we’re off to haul our junk into the garbage dumpster AKA the depot.
16th GalenaSo, the burial site is finally complete and we can start to bury our rotten dead and actually exorcise the undead, at last.
But we’re also being harassed by buzzards on top while we are hauling goods. Luckily, the guards and soldiers are quick to attack them.
I’ve also received reports of Plump Helmetmen walking around in the caverns. I think we might have some use for our milkers.
Other than that, the flood is pretty much gone and Project WTF has served its purpose. As such, we’re opening it up a bit and placing doors where needed.
Oh, and miner Dariush must have pissed off one of the ghosts and has been bewitched! Poor guy.
18th GalenaThe merchants are finally unloading their goods while thieves are invading. One of them are being assaulted by dogs, one of whom is slowly but surely bleeding to death while the Channels are advancing.
It won’t be missed.
23rd GalenaDon't mind the rocks falling around you, Mr. Spider!
25th GalenaWell crap. One of our dwarves decides to be stupid and is stuck on the Spider Crusher. So we build a floor to get him out and then have it removed. Unfortunately, the floor-remover has the same level of intelligence and gets stuck on the Spider Crusher as well. Seeing as this remover is a child, I’m not even going to bother with him. He’ll be our sacrificial child, so to speak.
27th GalenaHave I told you about the cowardice of dwarves? The miners are scared to death to channel the last pieces of the Spider Crusher because of Mr. Spider down in the lake several Urists below them. Darn it. We’re going to have to work around it somehow.
Other than that, the broker’s being an ass and is having a break at the moment while the humans are getting bored. Damn you!