Dear DiaryI'm a simple dwarf maiden. I like cryolite, rose gold, picks, animal traps, and cats for their aloofness (not that we have any since Tsarwash melted all their feet with forgotten beast goo). I work in the Ardentdikes hospital as a nurse; away from work, I'm a bit of... no, a total loner. I had a dog, but he also melted. For fun, I write cross-dimensional Queen Led/Queen Edem slash. Yes, I'm pretty much as normal as a dwarf gets.
There's just one little secret: at night, I put on my mask and leotard, talk to animals, and fight for love and justice. Yes, I'm a magical dwarfgirl. Quit your laughing, person reading my diary!
I'm sure everyone understands why I was appointed overseer of Ardentdikes.
4th Granite, 1067Today a giant eagle was sighted over majestic Ardentdikes. It dropped a package, with a note:
FEERZ DEZ GOBWIN HORDEZ. WE IZ CUMIN FER U.Oh snap!
16th Granite, 1067
Noooooo Ingish! I couldn't save you! What sort of nurse am I!
Sixteen pages of Twilight-esque angst omitted19th Granite, 1067Eight immigrants arrived today. I asked them to present themselves. They include a talented weaponsmith named Zeocin, a self-professed Tactical Genius named Rentorian, and a rather hunky dwarf who introduced himself as Megaman1847574323838.
I locked Zeocin up in the Magic Workshop, shortened Megaman's name and put him in a special squad, and told Rentorian he was in charge of leading Ardentdikes' offensive against mess. It's good to be the boss.
17th Slate, 1067It's a rite of passage among Ardentdikes overseers to move the fortress entrance. We're low on marble, so I set the miners to digging out more, and uncovered a new cavern.
I've had it resealed; there doesn't seem to be much of immediate interest in there.
19th Slate, 1067I have no idea why overseers order things like this to be built.
21st Slate, 1067While inspecting the gate for my new entryway, I found the following disgusting creation of one of the past overseers.
Have you ever walked on a patch of grass and stone slicked with the rendered fat of kitties? Is there any question as to why the Ardentdikes courtyard is always covered with vomit?
1st Felsite, 1067Today the small kitten Mafol Emetlor came to me while I slept. "Hey, stupid!" it told me. "Weren't you supposed to be an agent of love and justice? You could start by doing something about the plague."
He showed me what was left of his paws, and puked on my pillow.
"What should I do?" I asked the kitten.
"Find the bad guys and punish them."
"Oh, yeah, I can do that." I agreed. Granny Whiphammer taught me a thing or two when I was a little girl.
"Good," the kitten told me. "There are mysterious enemies in the fortress. Do something about them." Then he expired messily on my floor, turning into a bubbling pile of ooze as I watched.
8th Felsite, 1067Reminded of my sacred duty, I've started investigating the disease plaguing Ardentdikes. Many of the animals roaming the fortress show signs of infection, with rotted paws and stomach. Worse, while interviewing the immigrants, I discovered that several of them showed signs of infection; all three of the new military immigrants, including hunky Megaman, have rotten stomachs, and one, Ilral has rotten feet as well.
I'm worried that the fortress is going to go into another epidemic.
11th Felsite, 1067I had the miners work on a little side project for me. This is an engraving of a dwarf and dwarves. The dwarves have sealed themselves in a small chamber and feel like idiots. "Frosty" Whiphammer is weeping. The artwork relates to another day in the life of the dwarves of The Cunning Labors.
I discovered two splotches of mingled forgotten beast blood and poison along the main fortress entrance. I have prioritized laying floor over the patches to eliminate them. Naturally, the workers decided to walk through the first patch to cover up the second patch.
14th Felsite, 1067Watchers reported the arrival of an elven caravan today. Elves often bring golden salve, and if I were the developer, I'd make that a cure for disease. I was thinking we should stockpile some against future updates.
As I watched the elves approaching--
Oh, snappity snap!
I've taken to pulling levers to try to get the existing drawbridge up. I love how this fort has almost every lever labeled. I love even more how some of the labels are over levers that no longer exist.
Let's pull some levers and see what breaks!
16th Felsite, 1067One of the crafters celebrated the siege by creating an artifact. Ever seen an artifact gemstone before?
By the nineteen wives of Tesum Cradlecherished the Music of Patterns, what the blazes is a grossular anyway? I always thought it was a male infirmity. So, I did some research.
Knowing is half the battle. The other half is caring.
23rd Felsite, 1067The siege broke today, nine days into it. The siegers exchanged some desultory crossbow fire with the rotted-stomach migrant crossbow squad, then moved into the weird caltrop constructions in the northeast corner of the fort. Within the day, they departed, leaving their wounded behind. I dispatched the Bronze Fury, and they dispatched the stragglers.
4th Hematite, 1067Ilral, one of the infected migrants, wounded in the exchange of crossbow fire, slipped this mortal coil today.
If only I could tell where the disease was coming from!
7th Malachite, 1067I have a few theories about the disease.
First, there's an evil mastermind behind it. I suspect Tsarwash. For one thing, fortress records tell me he's DEAD. For another thing, I hear he had something to do with the initial plague.
I tried to question him, but he ran away. I tried to have him arrested, but then I remembered that Urist McDuck is the captain of the guard, and there is NO WAY I'm re-releasing THAT onto the fortress.
[spoiler]
Then, I remembered something: there are ghosts in the fortress. Perhaps one of them might know something?
"Hey, Ilral..."
"Er, excuse me, Sakzul..."
Oh, geez. It's like they don't like me!
Just as I was about to give up, I heard about a new ghost:
I rushed out to meet with the cute deceased child. I should've known better.
15th Galena, 1067For the last season, I've been working on building a nice bathing pool to rinse off dwarves that get covered with toxic slime killing the fort's sizeable population of forgotten beasts. Just as I was headed downstairs to inspect the very slow progress--
This siege was mostly bow-goblins. I ordered the new drawbridge raised and the civilians inside. Naturally, someone didn't listen.
20th Galena, 1067Five days in, the siege ended, broken by traps around Lesser Ardentdikes. The Bronze Furies were dispatched to mop up a handful of troll and goblin stragglers. The military here may be small, but they're very well-trained. Which gives me an idea...
26th Galena, 1067I got a magic rod power-up today.
9th Limestone, 1067My secret adamantine harvesting project is underway. It's surprising no other overseers have claimed any. Unfortunately, the first spike of adamantine yielded only one block.
I must find more!
11th Limestone, 1067I ordered the Bronze Furies down into the deepest cavern to explore for more exposed adamantine. Reports indicated the presence of a forgotten beast named Stibmer. Though venomous, it lacked any of the cloud or slime attacks that can unleash disease throughout a fortress.
The Bronze Furies approached the lake Stibner lurked in, girded for battle. Then, nothing happened.
Consulting the histories, I discovered other reports of eyeless beasts failing to notice threats near them. Not relishing losing dwarves to drowning in the lake, I called off the attack and ordered the Furies to explore the cavern further.
Our first discovery was the tragic remains of a once-proud cave swallow man civilization.
I'm pretty sure slash gets written about cave swallow men. The Bronze Furies moved on, quickly discovering what we'd come for -- an untouched spire of pure, accessible raw adamantine!
Yet even as we discovered it, a new peril moved in: the dire beast known as Lic.
Really, a gigantic snail with deadly spittle?
Between the cave swallow men and Lic, I have declared this the Cavern of Porn. May the name resound through the ages.
Meanwhile, in the battle against Lic:
And that, friends, is how we get it done in Ardentdikes 1067.
22nd Limestone, 1067Births! Slaughter one, raise the other, right?
1st Sandstone, 1067I've decided to catalogue the surviving forgotten beasts of Ardentdikes, as a prelude to getting rid of them.
Verdict: Fortress-wrecker. Handle with care, crossbows, or cave-ins.
Verdict: Harmless.
Verdict: Ornamental. I tossed a mule into a cavern in the hope it would kick Iminu to death.
Verdict: Bad news. Handle with care, crossbows, or cave-ins.
8th Sandstone, 1067
23rd Sandstone, 1067Megaman is my hero!
I'm in love! I'm sure he feels the same.
26th Sandstone, 1067I've been curious about the effects of the sea of toxic slime on the top level of the caverns. I tossed in two goblins and a mule. Oddly, the water (contaminated with toxin) washed all the toxin away. Both goblins wandered away; the mule is roaming the caverns looking moist.
Draining the lake and repeating the experiment seems unlikely, given the time I have left.
1st Timber, 1067It's bothered me all year that the river is no longer flowing. I've fixed that.
8th Timber, 1067I have a theory on the disease. I believe it attacks through the skin, but destroys the stomach as well as whatever tissue it contacts. I've examine every sock and steel high boot in the fortress, and found traces of the poison on them.
To deal with the problem, I've given our broker, Deviled, the job of exporting every unused piece of footwear in the fortress.
12th Timber, 1067Caravan sighted. Prepare the shoes!
17th Moonstone, 1067We have been invaded by an unpleasant pheasant, attacking the level where I have the goblin drop laboratory and the partially-complete bath.
The pheasant quickly found the lost mule, which led it on a chase long enough for me to get the passageway resealed.
Unfortunately, I didn't see the effects of the bird's poison on the mule before it ripped its head off.
22nd Moonstone, 1067We have another artifact; this one's potentially useful.
2nd Opal, 1067Zeocin has produced the first adamantine weapon for the fortress: a masterpiece adamantine axe.
The Bronze Furies are eager to test their new weapons.
8th Opal, 1067The Llama in Winter.
17th Obsidian, 1067What, again?
21st Obsidian, 1067Busted.
The Bronze Furies appreciated the chance to go out and bust some heads. The siege was two squads of pike-goblins, one squad of bow-goblins, and a pack of trolls. They had no chance.
Ardentdikes should be well-prepared to resist future sieges.
1st Granite, 1068Final tally:
For fun, here's a map of the various entrances to Ardentdikes:
Entrance #1: Looks like an entrance? Sealed off by 1057.
Entrance #2: Primary in 1057, moved by Glacial.
Entrance #3: New silver gatehouse, built by Glacial.
Entrance #4: Lesser Ardentdikes, built by Urist McDuck.
Entrance #5: Cat soap road, built by who knows?
Entrance #6: Extended by Frosty.
Finally, a bit of decor at the new gate:
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Topic: Ardentdikes - Absolute disaster - (31.25) (Succession)(Need Players!) (Read 215616 times)