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[Rexides]

Hey guys, this is my first post here. I was not planning on this as I play DF kinda casually and did not want to bother with forums (the wiki is usually more than enough), but I am in a difficult situation and you are probably the only people who can help.

See, recently my fortress Hammertime became a barony. In recognition of this, the human civilization of Kupeomon has send me a diplomat:



Stupid kingdom name aside, I was happy that my efforts had not gone unnoticed by the other rulers. I relieved the baron and the mayor of their non-administrative duties so they could properly welcome the foreign dignitary, and waited. However, it seems that the diplomat was not one to follow protocol. In fact, he went about wrecking my stuff!


Now, I am but a simple dwarf. I don't know much about humans and their customs. Maybe ruining my statues and workshops was his way of showing respect to our people, and since all he destroyed was replaceable and didn't hurt any dwarves, I let it slide. I waited and waited for him to satiate his thirst for destruction, but he would not come to the diplomacy table. In fact, he stayed even after the other human merchants had left. And speaking of other humans, now that I take a good look at him, I have this feeling that he might not be a human after all...

Also, whatever this is, it is probably female as well.

I don't care any more if this is an actual diplomat or just a farce orchestrated by the Pregnant Realms to ridicule our proud fortress of Hammertime, but I want it out. I tried to attack her with my squads, but they just sort of danced around her without engaging in combat. To be honest she didn't attack any dwarves either. Then I tried to lure her outside to my retractable drawbridge above a 6-level high drop with a row of statues. She would only emerge to destroy just a couple, and then return to the lobby where she has sort of made a home. Will walling her in work? I don't want to try it yet because she kinda roams around a very central hub and it would completely change my fortress layout for the worse if I was to do that. Is there any other way to get rid of the beast, and if possible, without causing the ire of the Pregnant Realms? I mean, with a name like that, I am sure that they will attack with the slightest provocation.

PS: This is 31.06

[Murphy]

Demons and forgotten beasts who manage to escape the underworld will often come to human civilizations and try to seize power by fooling the humans into believing that the beast is an incarnation of some god. Therefore they may gain positions such as law-givers and even rulers of human civs. This is not withouts bugs, sadly. Yours is an example - creatures who are building destroyers have their AI set to, well, destroy buildings. Even when they are not hostile.

It's strange though that your dwarves won't kill it. Did you assign a direct kill order?
Edit: I have to warn that killing it will most certainly cause the humans to hate you. But it will probably only be temporary (a siege or two, maybe), and if you do not kill it, it will return next year, and then next year again, and again.

P.S. Wait till you see how humans in adventure mode might send you on a quest to kill a beast when said beast is in fact the ruler of the quest-giving civ, and then hilarity ensues.

[Rexides]

It's strange though that your dwarves won't kill it. Did you assign a direct kill order?

Yes! For both my squads. Does she have diplomatic immunity or something?

[Murphy]

Don't know.
Well, then your three best bets are:
1) Upright spears/spikes
2) Cave-in
3) Magma
Yeah, dwarven diplomacy is so dwarven =)

[Sphalerite]

Dwarves won't kill a friendly unit even if you order them to.  They just stand around it trying to look intimidating and hoping it starts a fight.  Not much you can do there.  Either lure the law-giver into a deathtrap (which will start a war with the parent civ) or somehow manage to complete the diplomatic meeting and make her leave.

[AxisofLint]

Dwarves won't kill a friendly unit even if you order them to.  They just stand around it trying to look intimidating and hoping it starts a fight.  Not much you can do there.  Either lure the law-giver into a deathtrap (which will start a war with the parent civ) or somehow manage to complete the diplomatic meeting and make her leave.

One way you can do this (little bit fiddly I know), is to turn the mayor into a one person military squad when a caravan arrives, and position him in a room by himself. When the liaison turns up next to him, wall them both in, then deactivate his military status. He'll return to simple mayor duties and they can complete the diplomacy, then you can simple unwall them. Try and make the room out of the way so he doesn't have anything to destroy along the way ;p

[DarthCloakedDwarf]

One thing you can do is to use drawbridges to block off the critter's access to your fort, and have outside a piece of rock or dirt or something held up by a single support.

[Rexides]

Thanks for the help guys, but I don't think it's necessary any more.

I think we have sort of reached an agreement with the brass monster. Some kind of equilibrium. She only seems interested in smashing buildings in one particular area of the fortress. Said buildings are two small bedrooms, two workshops, a few doors, and any statues I happened to have. Nothing I couldn't relocate anywhere else. So she now more or less harmlessly wanders the area. I have grown fond of her to be honest. She is like a pet, and the dwarves don't seem to mind her being there. And I also bet that she will help if intruders break in the fortress. She patrols the stairway that forms the main artery of the fortress, so she is sure to bump into any meanies, and hopefully attack them. And she appears to need no sustenance.

How many fortresses can boast that their guard dog is a brass monster which is also the ruler of a human kingdom?

[clc02]

An ambush curse them!
Vedud uses fire breath!
Goblins, dwarves and booze ingite, the formers burn, the latter explode.
More dwarves ignite, fortress crumbles to it's end.

[Rexides]

Well, even if that were to happen, it would be kinda *fun*, wouldn't it?

[LordSlowpoke]

I just had an idea.
If the lawgiver destroyed the trade depot while human merchants were in, would the said lawgiver be responsible for the trade loss (items scattered all about and such), and thusly made an enemy of the parent civ? If yes, Fun ensues, if not, fun ensues.

[Rexides]

Well guys, I don't know how much you care, but I think that this thread needs closure.

I had grown used to the Brass Monster Diplomat chilling in my lobby, when I took a look at the furniture stockpiles, where I had a hoard of leftover statues from my trapping attempt. I decided to situate them on the noblemen's floor, but just as soon as my haulers brought the first statue, the monster diplomat came to topple it. She followed through until her path of destruction brought her in front of the mayor's office. This caused them to FINALLY hold their meeting. Or at least a part of it. At some point the monster got stuck under a doorway, and just sort of stayed there without moving, even when it went berserk at some point. I just shrugged and moved on with my other projects.

Just as soon as I loaded my game today, she became unstuck, and promptly killed my mayor. Then killed the hauler who tried to bury the mayor's remains. Then killed another one who went for the other dude's corpse. They I forbade all the items in order to avoid more hilarious massacre.

However, the monster now became attackable. I ordered my squads to attack her, even though I expected heavy casualties, only a wardog died, and my steel-clad soldiers came out unscathed. The monster didn't stand a chance.

Do you think there are any fun things I can do with her corpse now?

[darkrider2]

butcher it and eat it?

[Megaman]

only a wardog died, and my steel-clad soldiers came out unscathed. The monster didn't stand a chance.

Dont know about you, but I would feel damn good finally killing her by now.

[Glanzor]

butcher it and eat it?

That sounds like something an elf would do!