They don't respond to anything I say, it's kind of lame.
FACADE STAGEPLAY
Wed Jun 23 00 53 06 2010
TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?
GRACE
What for?
TRIP
That should be obvious!
GRACE
Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!
TRIP
Jesus Grace, come on, I'm not asking a lot here!
GRACE
What -- Trip, don't give me that look!
GRACE
You're going to drive me crazy!
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP
Paul!!
TRIP
Hey! I thought I heard someone out here! Great to see you! It's been a while, how's it going?
(Paul hugs trip.)
TRIP
Ha ha, hi!
TRIP
Wow, it's really really great to see you.
TRIP
So come on in!
TRIP
Uh, let me go get Grace...
TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)
TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)
TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)
GRACE
Paul,
GRACE
Hi! How are you? Oh god it's been such a long time! -- (interrupted)
PAUL
hello
GRACE
H-mmm (happy smile sound)
GRACE
And, I've got to say, you look really good!
GRACE
Well, come on in, make yourself at home!
PAUL
thank you
GRACE
Uh...
(Trip closes the front door.)
(PAUL sits on the couch.)
GRACE
Paul, seeing you again makes me remember the wonderful times we all used to have. H-mmm (happy smile sound)
TRIP
Ha ha, yeah...
TRIP
Hey, I just realized something. -- (interrupted)
PAUL
yeah, those were the days
TRIP
Y -- yeah, tonight is special!
TRIP
Paul, remember, it was almost exactly ten years ago, tonight, that you introduced us.
TRIP
Senior year of college!
PAUL
Yeah
GRACE
Oh... -- (interrupted)
TRIP
We really want to thank you for years and years of...
GRACE
Pain.
TRIP
Heh heh heh... Agony.
PAUL
haha
TRIP
Y -- yeah, yeah, it's great you could be here tonight.
(Trip shakes the advice ball.)
TRIP
Sounds good.
PAUL
I'm glad to have come
TRIP
Y - yeah, yeah...
(PAUL gets up from the couch.)
PHONE
** RING **
PHONE
** RING **
TRIP
Oh, I'll get it --
GRACE
No, no, we have a guest, we can let the answering machine pick it up.
PHONE
** RING **
TRIP
Grace, no, I want --
PHONE
** RING **
GRACE
Trip, please dear, don't be rude.
PAUL
no, that's fine, get it
ANSWERING MACHINE
** click **
GRACE
What? Oh, God, can we just -- let's just wait for the answering machine...!
ANSWERING MACHINE
You've reached the fabulous new home of Grace and Trip. Leave us a message!
ANSWERING MACHINE
** beep **
ANSWERING MACHINE
Grace, this is your father, I thought I'd call to see how my lovely daughter is doing.
TRIP
Oh, it's your parents! I'll get it --
GRACE
Trip, Trip, please, I don't want to talk to them right now...
ANSWERING MACHINE
I want you and Trip to come up to the house this weekend, your mother and I are throwing a party for a senior VP at the firm, and you should be there.
TRIP
I want to say hello --
GRACE
No no, Trip, we're entertaining a friend in our new apartment...
GRACE
the last thing I want to do is talk to my parents.
ANSWERING MACHINE
Oh, and be sure to arrive early, I want to talk to you about this business about why you won't be attending your mother's Christmas Eve gala.
TRIP
Well, Grace's parents... They're something else, really classy people --
ANSWERING MACHINE
(clear throat) So, that's all. Uh, goodbye.
GRACE
Uhh, no, they're impossible, they expect me to drive up to the house in Connecticut to attend all their stupid socialite charity benefits and parties, it's so tiresome.
PAUL
what a drag
GRACE
W -- well, no, talking about my parents is just going to frustrate me.
GRACE
Well, we're all friends here...
TRIP
Oh, Paul, I thought you might like this photo I just put up from our recent trip to Italy.
GRACE
Might like it? It's a beautiful picture of the Italian countryside, of course he'll like it!
GRACE
By the way, anybody, join me on the couch if you like.
PAUL
very nice
TRIP
Um... now,, -- (interrupted)
PAUL
Great picture
TRIP
Oh! Ha ha ha, yeah --
GRACE
Ah it's good to see you two getting along so well.
TRIP
(clears throat)
PAUL
yeah, I'm glad to see you
TRIP
Um... now,, Paul, -- (interrupted)
GRACE
Paul, I'm sorry. See Trip, I knew I should never have let you put up that picture, it's making our guest uncomfortable.
TRIP
(little sigh) You know, uh, -- (interrupted)
PAUL
No, I love the picture
TRIP
Wha... uh...
GRACE
Oh, Trip, he's just teasing you... It's good, we all need that once in a while.
TRIP
Heh heh ha ha ha ha, ha... -- (interrupted)
PAUL
I'm not teasing, I like the picture
TRIP
Oh, ha ha, I --
GRACE
Ah you seem to remember how much Trip likes compliments.
PAUL
This is awkward
TRIP
If that's how you feel... uhh... (annoyed sigh)
(PAUL sits on the couch.)
TRIP
uhh...
(Trip shakes the advice ball.)
TRIP
Uh, don't get your hopes up, huh heh heh heh.
(PAUL gets up from the couch.)
TRIP
Ha ha, ha, this crazy thing, always giving me the wrong advice, heh.
GRACE
Trip, are you going to carry that thing around all evening?
GRACE
Yes, you can help me understand where I went wrong with my new decorating, ha ha.
TRIP
Grace, oh, no, we don't need to do that.
GRACE
Uhh, you know, when I look at this wedding picture, hanging here in this room...
TRIP
Paul, you're acting all fidgety. Are you alright?
PAUL
I'm okay, just nervous
GRACE
(frustrated sigh) So about this wedding picture here...
GRACE
it obviously just does not go anymore... with my new decorating, I mean, heh.
TRIP
Oh, Grace... (little impatient sigh)
PAUL
What is that in your hand?
TRIP
Well, it's funny how after a full day's work designing magazine ads, Grace finds the time to decorate... and re-decorate...
GRACE
Ha ha, uhh, I guess it's just the artist in me dying to get out.
GRACE
I bet I can return most of this, and start over again on this room...
PAUL
You guys don't listen to me at all
GRACE
Wait...
GRACE
You think I'm...
GRACE
not... communicative...
TRIP
Ho ho ho, ha, heh you're -- you're really joking around tonight, aren't you, ha ha ha...
GRACE
Ha ha, yeah...
PAUL
No, I am not
TRIP
Ha, never afraid to push our buttons, ha ha ha, heh... -- (interrupted)
PAUL
You two are insane
TRIP
Grace, it seems no one has a problem with your decorating... -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Paul, what --
PAUL
Now move aside
GRACE
Trip, c'mon, I think he's -- (interrupted)
(PAUL kisses grace.)
GRACE
uh...
TRIP
(nervous coughing)
GRACE
wha...
PAUL
Nice lips, babe
TRIP
wow, that was, um...
GRACE
ha ha ha...
TRIP
you, um...
GRACE
ha ha ha ha!!
TRIP
ha ha...
PAUL
Grow a pair
TRIP
ha ha ha!
TRIP
Ha ha ha, Paul,
PAUL
I'm out of here
GRACE
heh heh...
TRIP
you maniac! heh heh... you sex maniac! Ha ha, never afraid to...
(PAUL knocks on the front door.)
(PAUL opens the front door.)
TRIP
mess with us ...
TRIP
Paul, you're not thinking of leaving are you?
PAUL
Yes, I am leaving
TRIP
Look, just come back in, don't -- don't make us think you're going to leave.
(PAUL knocks on the front door.)
TRIP
Okay, anyway... I forget what we were talking about...
TRIP
Ah, Paul, what we really need here...
TRIP
are some drinks!
GRACE
Oh, is that what we need...
TRIP
When it comes to drinking, I -- I generally avoid temptation heh unless I can't resist it.
TRIP
Ah I know... I'm going to open us a magnificent, I mean, astounding Bordeaux.
TRIP
Best of the best, you can't buy this in stores... Very, very special --
GRACE
God Trip, you're just like my dad with the whole wine snob thing.
TRIP
I'll take that as a compliment. Paul, what do you say?
PAUL
Okay
TRIP
Excellent! You've got good taste.
(PAUL picks up the red wine bottle.)
GRACE
No no,
GRACE
Paul, maybe you'd like just a simple glass of white wine?
TRIP
Oh come on...
PAUL
No, I want this
TRIP
Yeah, no, we need to open this wine! Our friend is here, we're going to enjoy ourselves, that's all there is to it!
GRACE
(frustrated -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Jesus, Paul, you're thinking of leaving the room again?
(PAUL puts down the red wine bottle.)
TRIP
Okay, God... (frustrated sigh)
(PAUL uses the answering machine.)
ANSWERING MACHINE
One new message *beep*
(PAUL picks up the red wine bottle.)
ANSWERING MACHINE
Grace, this is your father, I thought I'd call to see how my lovely daughter is doing.
(PAUL puts down the red wine bottle.)
GRACE
Uhh, you are impossible...!
ANSWERING MACHINE
I want you and Trip to come up to the house this weekend, your mother and I are throwing a party for a senior VP at the firm, and you should be there.
GRACE
I'm never happy...
GRACE
Trip, our whole marriage, you're so... controlling!
ANSWERING MACHINE
Oh, and be sure to arrive early, I want to talk to you about this business about why you won't be attending your mother's Christmas Eve gala.
TRIP
Paul, where are you going? Don't leave the room, we need your help out here!
ANSWERING MACHINE
(clear throat) So, that's all. Uh, goodbye.
TRIP
(little impatient sigh) Paul, I...
(PAUL knocks on the front door.)
(PAUL closes the front door.)
TRIP
(frustrated sigh)
(PAUL knocks on the front door.)
(PAUL closes the front door.)
(PAUL knocks on the front door.)
(PAUL closes the front door.)
GRACE
And you...
GRACE
I know what you're going to say,
GRACE
The way you keep trying to explain everything...!
PAUL
I have no idea what's going on
TRIP
Goddamn... kissing...
TRIP
You like it when other people -- (interrupted)
GRACE
No, please don't take sides, it's going to do more harm than good!
PAUL
I think this game is poorly coded
GRACE
Alright, you know what, Paul,
GRACE
I'm going to ask you something.
TRIP
Grace --
GRACE
Trip, let me ask our guest a question.
GRACE
Paul, yes or no...
GRACE
In a marriage, shouldn't you try to help the other person get what they want?
PAUL
No
GRACE
What...?!
GRACE
Oh, alright... yes...
GRACE
You keep trying to tell me you love me, Trip, that you're so romantic, but I know you're hiding something from me, goddammit!
TRIP
Oh, god...!
TRIP
Uhh! Yeah, go on, get away from me!
TRIP
I can't even frigging look at you.
TRIP
Goddammit, Grace!
TRIP
uhh!
(PAUL comforts trip.)
TRIP
No, d -- d -- don't, come on...
GRACE
What, Trip? Are you trying to talk to me?
TRIP
No!
(PAUL kisses trip.)
TRIP
Uhh, no, uhh... don't -- don't do that!
GRACE
What, Trip? Are you trying to talk to me?
TRIP
What's it to you?
PAUL
SHUT THE FUCK UP
GRACE
Paul, (annoyed sigh) Trip is sometimes so...
TRIP
Oh, we're talking about me again, are we?
GRACE
What?
GRACE
Paul, it's time that Trip finally just admits that our marriage --
TRIP
Grace, don't, no, you don't need to --
GRACE
Admits that our marriage is not --
TRIP
Stop it, stop it! (annoyed sigh)
GRACE
Uhh...! God...!
GRACE
No, I, I -- I want us to focus on Trip.
GRACE
Paul, every time Trip is unhappy he rushes out and buys some new gadget.
TRIP
What are you talking about? You're always buying stuff...
GRACE
Trip, you're the one who's always bringing home an electric lemon zester or automatic creme Brule torch.
PAUL
I am not a marriage counselor
TRIP
Marriage, well... heh... you know, it's sad, or maybe funny, I... uhh... I always thought marriage would be easy!
GRACE
What?
TRIP
Yeah, I always thought marriage was supposed be this great thing that you'd just be happy and... and... and... well, happy... or at least just easier than this!
TRIP
No, look, it's now painfully obvious to me I didn't know jack about what marriage was really like...
GRACE
Uhh, Trip...
GRACE
Let's talk some more about Trip.
TRIP
It's so annoying... you know lately I've been really trying to spend more time together...
TRIP
Paul, she makes it so difficult...
TRIP
Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us both.
TRIP
You know, I can't say Grace never acts loving towards me...
TRIP
Paul, She's all over me at our goddamn parties, trying to look good in front of the guests!
GRACE
Let's keep the focus on us, our relationship.
TRIP
Grace, even though you're now a creative director at work, and even though you redecorate the apartment all the time, the truth is... you're not an artist.
GRACE
Uhh...!
TRIP
I'm sorry, you're not.
GRACE
Paul, uhh...
GRACE
Paul, you see, this is what I've had to put up with, for ten goddamn years.
GRACE
Paul, what, is there something I should do?
GRACE
Let's keep talking about us, our relationship.
GRACE
You know what's so annoying, is when you pretend to be all 'romantic'!
TRIP
What...?
GRACE
Trip, it is such an act!
TRIP
Oh my God... Paul, what... uhh...
TRIP
Look, let's switch the focus to Grace.
GRACE
You know, Trip, whenever I really try to talk honestly about things, you... you don't want to hear it!
TRIP
What?
GRACE
Paul, I think I'm the only one who is trying to be the most honest here.
TRIP
Uhh...
TRIP
Look, let's talk about us both, not just one of us.
GRACE
Trip, can't you see, it's the way you speak, the way you talk to me...!
PAUL
Why am I here right now?
GRACE
Why?
TRIP
See, I'm the one trying to reach out to you, Grace...
GRACE
Uhh...
TRIP
Paul, what is it, is there something about me?
TRIP
Let's keep talking about us both, not just one of us.
PAUL
Yes, it's you, Trip
TRIP
Paul, look around this apartment. It's got everything anyone would ever want. But, Grace, oh no, she's never satisfied.
GRACE
Trip, ... ugh ... I'm so sick of this. -- (interrupted)
PAUL
There is no television
TRIP
No?
GRACE
Ah, thank you, that helps him. Trip, look at my parents. If money bought happiness they wouldn't hate themselves like they do.
TRIP
What?
GRACE
Why can't... uhh...
PAUL
I hate myself for downloading this
GRACE
Let's keep the focus on us, our relationship.
GRACE
Trip, you just pretend to like all this stuff... fancy cigars, and fine wine...
TRIP
You think I'm not good enough...!
GRACE
I never said that! I'm saying there's more to you than all this...
GRACE
We should -- we should talk about Trip.
TRIP
Look around here. We're doing well, really well.
GRACE
God, Trip, I can't believe even now you're still...
TRIP
Oh yeah, you'd never admit that I've created a good life for us.
GRACE
Dammit Trip!
GRACE
No let's -- let's focus on us, our relationship.
GRACE
Paul, you -- you blame me for all this, don't you?
TRIP
See, I don't think you really want to be an artist. This is all just something for you to blame me for.
GRACE
What? Oh my God.
GRACE
Paul, do you agree with that lie?
TRIP
Okay, I've had enough of this bullshit!!
TRIP
Paul, I know what you're hinting at, okay?!
PAUL
me too
TRIP
about me...
TRIP
about our lifestyle...
PAUL
what
TRIP
Do you really want the truth? Huh?
PAUL
what is this i dont even
TRIP
Grace, huh?
GRACE
Yes...!
TRIP
Paul, see I've actually been paying close attention to what you've been saying.
TRIP
You've really been pushing me tonight.
TRIP
And I wonder, are you really my friend or not.
GRACE
Trip!
TRIP
Paul, I ask you this -- yes or no...
TRIP
Do you really think that...
TRIP
kissing me...
TRIP
asking if we're okay?...
TRIP
criticizing me...
TRIP
kissing Grace...
TRIP
and what you said about saying 'yes' to the other person...
TRIP
and you don't even say 'yes' when I ask you if you want the truth...
TRIP
that I'm supposed to realize something about myself from all that?
TRIP
Is all of that arguing intended to mean something, or...
TRIP
Is it? Just give me a yes or no.
TRIP
This is not a trick question.
TRIP
No? Huh... I'm surprised you say that, I thought it did.
TRIP
Grace...
TRIP
uhh...
TRIP
I'm -- I'm just... af -- afraid of... of being poor.
GRACE
Poor? Trip, we have so much! What do you --
TRIP
It never feels like enough!
TRIP
As a kid... it -- it was... My family was always on the edge.
GRACE
So you weren't rich, but --
TRIP
We even spent six months in a shelter once.
GRACE
Oh my God...!
TRIP
All of this stuff...
TRIP
Is a kind of protection from that ever happening again.
TRIP
uhh...
GRACE
uhh...
GRACE
Oh my God...!
TRIP
Paul, I --
GRACE
Paul, I, uhh...
TRIP
What?!
PAUL
I should go
GRACE
This changes everything...
(PAUL knocks on the front door.)
(PAUL opens the front door.)
TRIP
Yes, it does change everything.
TRIP
I think it's over.
GRACE
Trip, what --
TRIP
No!!
PAUL
Yes, it better be over
TRIP
It's over, Grace, don't you see that?
GRACE
Wha... b -- but you just said --
TRIP
I just told you something about me I should have said a long time ago:
(PAUL knocks on the front door.)
(PAUL knocks on the front door.)
(PAUL knocks on the front door.)
(PAUL knocks on the front door.)
TRIP
I'm afraid of being poor.
(PAUL knocks on the front door.)
(PAUL knocks on the front door.)
(PAUL knocks on the front door.)
TRIP
And no, Paul, uhh, hold on...
GRACE
Trip, no, I... we...
TRIP
No, Grace, this is about me. I see now it's not about you, or about our marriage.
GRACE
Me...? Our -- our marriage...? Hey, no, wait!
TRIP
Paul, I'm sorry. You really helped me though, so, thanks.
GRACE
Trip!
(Trip closes the front door.)
(Trip opens the front door.)
Seriously, I'm kind of let down by how they don't actually talk to me, they just occasionally ask me yes or no questions.