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[Master Catfish]

Just looking for some advice on what I might do in this situation.

I have been engaged in an affair with a girl for a few months now, and she has had a boyfriend for a couple years. She also told me that in their relationship, they have a 'full truth' policy where they're supposed to tell everything, even if it hurts.  I know that she lies to him about what's going on.

I am afraid that my relationship with her might be coming to an end soon, and I am considering telling her boyfriend the extent of what's happened. She's convinced that him knowing this would ruin their relationship, but I'm not so sure. They're extremely dependent on each other.

Anyway, I pity the guy whom she's with and I'm wondering if this is the right thing to do. It sucks to see her deceive him when he loves her. Were I in his place, I would want to know what actually happened.

What should I do?  Serious answers are preferred.

[taranwanderer]

it's subjective. really depends on what your moral system is. like, a utilitarian might say, don't tell because you need the greatest happiness, but the average person would probably say, you might want to tell because lying is bad.

[Blargityblarg]

Honestly, it's just a bad situation to end up in in the first place. I can't help you now, but in future you may want to think twice about crashing someone else's girlfriend.

[Nether]

I would give up and put pressure on her to tell him. You may tell her that if she won't tell you will. Just don't actually do it. It is her relationship, even if you have entered it somewhat. It is her responsibility to tell, not yours, but you may persuade her. He should know, that's the least for him.

[x2yzh9]

If I was in the situation, I would tell both her boyfriend and my girlfriend, just to put an end to the whole thing. Regardless, if I were her boyfriend I would want to know, so for his sake, just tell him. I don't think anyone should be with someone that will lie to them about something like this.

[nenjin]

My friend's stance on it has always been "Fuck it, he ain't your home boy."

Personally, I'd break it off with her and leave it up to her to tell her boyfriend. If she says they have a total truth policy, and you're pretty sure she's lied to him about you....what does that tell you about her? More, what does that tell you about the situation you're about to insert yourself into further?

I try to make it a rule not to get involved with people who are cheating. But I hold relationships pretty sacred, you're either in one, or you're not. I don't believe in a middle ground. So I take a pretty hard stance on cheating.

Bottomline though, if it's about to end, the only reason you want to get involved and tell her boyfriend is to assuage your own guilt. You were cheating with someone's girl, you made that choice, deal with it. Do you really need a punch to the face to let you know you've done something wrong? You don't sound like it. I know what I'd do. I'd thank you for coming forward and being honest, then I'd jack you in the face because you deserve it. Then I'd thank you again for coming forward. 

Story time! I met a girl through the Internet, started courting her the day she broke up with her boyfriend. Months later, I went to see her, and while I was out at the gas station, the dude shows up at our hotel room. (This is after calling her while we're cuddling and shit.)

He's 6'4", shaved head, tattoos IIRC, and he takes regular kung-fu classes.

Turns out, after talking with him and her in the same room, he's super fucking cool, a gamer, a nerd and pretty Zen.

The only thing that separated me from an ass beating was that one day of legal versus cheating. Think about it, next time.

[Nikov]

The right thing to do is never cheat.

The right thing to do after the fact is to stop cheating.

Tell the other girl you can't do this anymore and let her decide for herself if she wants to tell her boyfriend or not. She decided to cheat with you, and she fucked up her relationship. Don't try to fix it for her by telling the other man. Thats her responsibility.

Your responsibility is to not go around fucking other people's girls. Abstain from relationships for two weeks if not two months. If this girl comes back and says she's been dumped and wants back into her arms, you have to say no, I'm not going to fuck someone's girl, get her heart broken when she's found out, and fuck her some more on her rebound. You do not see her until both of you can approach eachother fresh, preferably never again.

Do not do this shit again.

[Strife26]

Don't be the other guy, seriously. In any case, a relationship built on lies is going to collapse by itself anyway.

[Retro]

I'm strongly with Nikov on this.

[sonerohi]

Build a hermetically sealed vault that opens in a year. Hide your secrets within. She has within that time frame the opportunity to either tell the other guy, or become a master thief and steal your vault.

[ein]

Kidnap her and tie her up in your basement.
It's the only way to be sure.

[Master Catfish]

Well, I appreciate your honesty, folks.  Although the guilt trips were not necessary.  There is definitely no way I will ever do something like this again.  Such things simply can't have happy endings. 

It's true that it's her responsibility to tell him, but I'm absolutely sure she won't.  That's why I'd considered taking it into my own hands.

[nenjin]

She will or she won't, but either way they're lives will be separated from yours when the dust settles. You should just start that process now, and stay out of it.

[Grakelin]

Kill her and yourself so you can be together forever.

[Maggarg - Eater of chicke]

Kidnap her and tie her up in your basement.
It's the only way to be sure.

Kill her and yourself so you can be together forever.

Combined into the perfect suggestion.