So, basically, because people are less likely to respect feminist beliefs, feminism is therefore less reasonable? For that matter, most feminists don't actually get terribly upset about language choices, no matter how inane. If you get criticism, it's akin to being told, "Don't take the Lord's name in vain." It's usually not an emotional outburst, it's an attempt to educate (though not always a worthwhile one!). Now, I may not have picked a culturally relevant one for you, so I apologize if that's the case, but the point is that all sorts of movements have ideas about how people ought to behave, so that doesn't make feminism particularly special either.
Now, whether or not it's worth adhering to that particular behavior is a different thing. You pretty much have to consider what the actual consequences would be, although a good rule of thumb is that it's often helpful to go along with it in contexts that involve the person making the request. I think that in the case of feminism, since the point is "Consider the effects of your language choices on the people who might hear them", it's a fine general rule (but, then again, I'm generally a feminist anyway).
Basically there's nothing particularly rational about trying to connect feminism with volatile, emotional responses. Doing so is as much an emotional snap-judgment as anything you care to point to that's been attributed to feminism.
EDIT: Yeah, this is actually a rage-free conversation at this point. Is the Progressive thread still open somewhere?