Hey man, that's what this place is for.
I can relate. My dad was a bit overbearing too about the "right" way to do things. Being an adult and talking to him about it years later, he doesn't remember it the way I do at all. But some childhood memories, and the emotion you felt, get seared into your mind for all time. I'll never forget my dad absolutely flipping his shit over how I tied my shoes. Years later, I was always the target for the assumption of wrong doing among my entire family. It bred a lot of resentment when something would happen and aunts or uncles would run up to me shaking my arm going "WHAT DID YOU DO!" It's funny because years later these people fall over themselves to be nice to me. But when the drinks start flowing, everyone always comes back around to these moments, sloppily and sort of obnoxiously seeking my forgiveness for them being total douche bags.
Here's the thing: this is family. You're really young, you have no power and people believe they can mold you if they just shout loud enough, or intimidate you enough. They practice "Do as I say not as I do" on a daily basis, and if you've got even an iota of self-awareness, the hypocrisy is plain to see. The sheer lack of treating you like a person, who is worth listening to and taking seriously, is hard to stomach.
And that's just parents, even good ones sometimes. Unfortunately, they're effectively teaching you a hard lesson early on....you have to learn to think for yourself. Whether that's what ultimately "feels" right, or what you've rationally come to after weighing the pros, cons, consequences and your own sense of fairness.
For example. "I refuse to let someone beat up on me." Pros: You stand up for yourself and a draw your line in the sand beyond which you will not be pushed. You smack that little shit like he deserves. Cons? You'll be branded a trouble maker, and might get a slap of your own as someone tries to enforce what they believe (that you're in the wrong) on you. It's the price you pay for being an independent thinker, pretty much at any age. (The slaps become more metaphorical as you get older.) And sometimes, you're wrong and you gotta live with that too.
Or you can take the other tact. "I'll suffer some things to avoid a much worse punishment." You put up with the contradictions and feeling like shit because you know, ultimately, you'll hate being punished for standing up for yourself worse. This is a stalling tactic that can go on for years until you get the space from your family and your environment you need to not be a punching bag. But it has other consequences too, like coming to define your personality and how you deal with other, non-family people.
Or. "Having a tattoo doesn't make you a horrible person or is a sin. It can however have health consequences." You don't even have to have a tattoo to believe this. It's simply your point of view, because you might believe a person is more than skin deep.
Or you might choose to believe "I think tattoos are kind of a trashy way to express yourself, or is a fad."
Or you might choose to believe "Tattoos are a beautiful representation of a personally held belief or feeling, and the body is a place for art as much as a canvas."
In the end, you know what your options are. It's the choice and accepting the consequences that are scary. You can do the tried and true classic among asshole family members: be a mystery to them. Don't talk about what you believe. Don't argue. Don't cringe but don't get angry either. Form your identity of yourself completely separate from them, their beliefs and their hypocrisy. Essentially, cut them out of the equation as non-people.
And though it sucks, the feeling of being on the wrong side of an issue all the time doesn't really go away. Life is a constant stream of doubt, choices and consequences. You get through it by trusting your instincts and innate sense of right and wrong, and allowing yourself to be wrong as long as you learn from it.
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Topic: Things that made you RRRRRRAAAAGGGGEEEE today: Trust-o-nomics Edition (Read 3689175 times)