Gah. I just don't know what to do on the whole coming out, because on one corner my parents are the Christian's who'll cut contact with someone because 'They turned into Athiests' and I'd rather not have that happen and while I do say it is mainly my mother(said parent who cut contact with a close friend who moved up to Maine a few years ago) however because even though they 'cut contact' they apparently forgot Facebook because my mom and dad decided 'Hey, she had a post and then argument about why she didn't believe in God, let's use that as a Sunday school lesson' and while they did use fake names, I knew who they were talking about because they weren't that clever;And to add insult to injury I am not in public school with having actual willing social interaction(note:WILLING) they decide homeschooling me is great because the teach Evolution and not everyone is a goddamn Christian.
Then, when they find out *gasp* I got less good at socializing, was it because I'm not having any interaction at all? Hell no. It's because 'I'm clammed up' 'I'm antisocial' and what do they try to do? Force me to go to little awkward mixers with other homeschool kids because that's great. Just having a bunch of kids who have no idea what the interests they all have and have no intention to continue talking and they expect me to enjoy talking to someone I barely know without any form of build up other than 'You're at a meetup, socialize' and of course when I ask what we do other than socialize I get 'You'll enjoy it' and naturally, I say no because unlike what they believe, I like knowing what I'm getting into because that can mean a variety of things. Anytime I want to bring up how I feel depressed and want to talk to them, I remind myself everything I could talk about is related to religion and sexuality and if I decided to tell them I'd either get told I need to 'kneel at the altar' or 'Has the devil himself come into you to sow hate and despair here?! Go and ask god for forgiveness so you can be clean.'
On depression, I feel like anytime I want to talk either u stop for the former, or this. I feel like I'm in a 'phase' and it's 'just hormonal' because apparently being depressed and being a teen are mutually exclusive(correct term right?) and that I'm either one or the other. I can barely find a reason to smile to just smile. I feel terrible, not for anything I've done but because it feels like I'm making everyone in my angry for not being like them. I feel as if they are being hurt by me lying about being a Christian.
Why this is here? Because the sad thread doesn't seem to 'fit' into the mood I'm intending for this. An angry rant is the mood to be specific.
* Iceblaster feels like he'll regret this
Pre-post edit: Some of this is exaggerated and I do acknowledge it doesn't have much connecting structure.
Jesus. Fucking. CHRIST.
Aaaand the thing that fired me up is here.
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Topic: Things that made you RRRRRRAAAAGGGGEEEE today: Trust-o-nomics Edition (Read 3785134 times)