No free time in the last 3 days. Don't understand why, but I haven't been sleeping well. My appetite has been out of control lately, and I think it's just general frustration. I can't convince myself to care about numbers at work tonight. I'm finding myself just wasting time until it's over, like right now. Grumbling my petty personal issues to the internet aether.
Wife is graduated. Kid has one day of school left. The time of major decisions and life-changes is here. Rather it should be. I'm unprepared. Haven't had time to do anything with my portfolio so I can start applying for some jobs. Haven't had time to finish up the assets Rapture needs to launch their Kickstarter. Now that my family should be done burdening me with their responsibilities, it's time for me to hit the ground running on my own tasks, no matter how exhausted I may already be. Want to finally have a career rather than just a job that gets us by. Want to escape Indiana. Everybody else wants these things, too. All attentions are on me now not just to make it happen, but to make it happen before Hiro has to go back to school or my wife has to start working to pay back her student loans. At this point, I don't know that I can. And I don't feel like that's my fault. Nobody knows how to give me space to do the things I need to do. They don't understand what it's like to have 9 hours of every day rigidly, inescapably taken from you, and then to be expected to plant the seeds for major positive life changes with the remainder... while still having a little left over for paying attention to everyone and not falling ill from overwork.
Not actually feeling terribly troubled at the moment. Just dwelling. And felt the need to think out loud a bit for no real reason.