Good god I'm such a fuckup sometimes ._. I'm so sick of myself. Every stupid issue I thought I'd escaped from has followed me to this present day and is only going to get in the way. I hate how forgetful I am. I simply forget things. Poof, they're gone. And then the people around me act like I must be stupid because I forgot something they can easily remember. I have genuine problems with doing certain things and people have no idea how to deal with the fact I can't do them as easily as them. I fail and fail and fail at one thing after another, have one little success here and there, while everyone around me just succeeds in life with flying colors. I have a few talents that either don't count for shit, or have no use, or actually wind up being counter-intuitive. I'm a thoughtful, nice person who tries to help everyone get along, then I watch the talented assholes succeed in life.
Other people struggle then eventually succeed, often with help from other people around them. Me, I struggle then fail, and people stare at me wide-eyed or yell at me or lecture me on "dedication" and "perseverance" and "motivation." I'm actually very dedicated and motivated. It's just almost everything I do falls apart because of some simple mistake and then people around me stare at me or just lose it. I can't remember bus numbers, I can't remember street numbers, I can't remember things I was told in class, I forget people's names on a regular basis, even friends I've known for years. I'll forget things I've completely understood for years. It takes actual effort for me to remember how to drive a car after a week of not driving. And people freak out when I can't remember that stuff. It's like they think I don't "care enough" to bother remembering them or something.
Well I'm fucking sorry life is so fucking easy for you. No I don't know why this is difficult for me. No I haven't seen a doctor about it. I've seen doctors about other things. They charge a lot to tell me they have no idea what's wrong with me. I know there's no cure for "forgetfulness." I'm sure there's plenty of pills with wonderful side effects that require a person to eat them every day for the rest of your life, woot. I just have to deal with the fact I can't remember things sometimes and other people will refuse to believe me when I say I have this problem then freak out when it turns out to be true. God I fucking hate people.