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[GoombaGeek]

I push the door so it closes, and Worst Person in the World wordlessly stops it and pushes it back open. Then he turns off the lights while I'm using a dim calculator so he can play Cod in backlit dimness while he sings about how great white people are to his internet friends.

Eeheh. Eheeehhe. I'd beat this motherfucker if I didn't know I might have a chance to get out of here soon. I can't believe it. 18 years of dealing with people's bullshit, and this is the guy who manages to be so beyond all that my brain is screaming at me to just hurt him.

But I have self-control, no matter how good it would feel to repeatedly slam him in a metal door and throw him down four flights of stairs.

Hand cuffs. Super glue. Jar of spiders.
You know what to do.

Spider bondage?

I think that's illegal.

[miauw62]

You could buy something very itchy and put it in his bed. Tough that may not be the best idea if you actually want to sleep.

[kaijyuu]

I almost want to meet this guy.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

No you don't.

[Rose]

I almost want to meet this guy.

I think we all do.

[Hanslanda]

I almost want to meet this guy. beat this guy bloody with a crowbar.

[Yoink]

MSH could establish a sort of pay-per-view setup, charging a small fee to let, you know, human beings capable of intelligent thought come in and gawk at what must no-doubt be some form of missing evolutionary link.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

There is no amount of money that could convince me to willingly remain around him.

[Loud Whispers]

I almost want to meet this guy. beat this guy bloody with a crowbar.

"Meet."

"In a dark alley."

"On the moon."

[kaijyuu]

No you don't.

I'd have a bodyguard, of course. MaximumZero would suffice.

I'm pretty sure I could get to him, too. If there's one thing crazy people like him fear, it's the gay.

[GoombaGeek]

So, you're dorm buddies.

You have access to his room.

Are you lucky enough to have a TV (or wherever he plays CoD) room with a door?

If so, lock him in and then make the room uncomfortable. If it's too hot, make it hotter. Remove all your stuff first so he doesn't try holding your alarm clock ransom or whatever. Leave him in there for a long while, but not so long that he gets dehydrated (that's probably illegal). And Crisco the doorknob (assuming it's round) so it's way harder to unlock the door. Pile furniture in front of it, too. (If he has a headset, he shouldn't notice. Turn on the blender first so he turns up the volume.)

This is probably best done on the last day you have together.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

There is one room, and that is the room.

[The Darkling Wolf]

The Room?

Shit son, you're dealing with Tommy Wiseau!

[GoombaGeek]

Well, darn.

Then try screwing with his stuff in unnoticeable ways. Get a screwdriver. Make it seem like equipment failure. Sand down headphone jacks, poke a little hole in his favorite shirt (in a normal place like the armpit), mess around. Even better, make a fake roll of toilet paper and hide the real one. Guaranteed instant hijinx(tm).

[Levi]

Well, darn.

Then try screwing with his stuff in unnoticeable ways. Get a screwdriver. Make it seem like equipment failure. Sand down headphone jacks, poke a little hole in his favorite shirt (in a normal place like the armpit), mess around. Even better, make a fake roll of toilet paper and hide the real one. Guaranteed instant hijinx(tm).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlzVPzXa_FQ