Vector, I follow you in regard to any side of the gender-fence tending toward assholes. I also agree with you, Psy, and add that "nice" actions, like opening doors for people, etc. may be pleasant, but say nothing of the spirit or intent behind them, and can just as easily be forced or used for manipulation. What's more important is the spirit behind an action; well-intentioned honesty, though it can hurt others, is far more valuable than a kind lie.
Also, the "untouchable bitchy flirt" female archetype is frequently used as a male character's romantic interest in American film and TV, while a common male archetype is a funny, aggressive, impulsive asshole. I tend to think that these do play into the traits people look for in potential partners. As a person gains self-awareness and/or experience with relationships and people, they get a better idea of the traits they're actually looking for in a partner, rather than the ones that our cultures would tell us are ideal.
You will find cases where people look for "nice" folks. I myself am one, though I tend to look for people who are well-intentioned or kind at heart; people with enough awareness and social conscience to want to do good in the world, even if that means being aggressive, or having to be an ass. In fact, I'm most attracted to people who are consciously aggressive, with good intentions. I don't do the aggression thing so well myself, and having someone with skills to compliment my laid-back nature is ideal. If I found another person as chill (or dare I say chiller!) than I, I'd be afraid of stagnating in an endless cycle of concession. I'm better at providing support to others than at leading the charge, and tend to do well alongside short-tempered people.
Anyway, back on topic... in regard to the aforementioned 3-friend pileup incident, I'm going to be seeing these guys tonight. Going to ask if the new boyfriend can limit the touchy-feely stuff for the sake of the old one while we're all in the same place. We'll see how it goes.