I'm absolutely tired of this shit. People act like this will stop and I have no reason to believe that it won't, because "OH YOU'RE YOUNG DON'T WORRY" is any sort of a valid excuse. I cannot change the kind of bitch my mother is, I cannot fix the damage she has done to whoever I could have been, I cannot fix the trauma that my brother has caused me, courtesy of her, and I cannot change the inevitability of it continuing to happen in the future. Fuck all of it.
Bullshit. You don't get my compassion for this statement.
People have had it way harder than you. Go read some of RedKing's posts, and realize that he came back from horrors you can't even dial.
Everyone has been traumatized by their parents, by school, by society, by life. Everyone. And they fall into roughly two groups. Those that give in and say "Poor me" their whole lives, and those who spit in the face of "Fate" and live to a standard they create for themselves.
We're all damaged goods, but we all have the mental and emotional strength to deal, and even thrive a little. If we're not too busy feeling sorry for ourselves.
You're going to grow up even more one day. You're going to move out. Your mother is going to stop being the center point of your misery. Then, the only thing truly making yourself miserable will be YOU, citing "I cannot fix the damage she has done to whoever I could have been, I cannot fix the trauma that my brother has caused me" in an empty house like a sad sack.
Defy your weakness. And don't ever fucking talk about killing yourself. One of my oldest and sweetest friends, who became a total fuck up in his adult life, eventually gave up on himself. He walked miles outside of town to a cornfield somewhere, wrapped his mouth around his dad's shotgun and blew his brains out. That's the end of the path of not believing in your own future, in your ability to own your future.
And yes, you ARE young, right down to the arrogance of the young that no one understands the depth of your pain or the hopelessness of your situation. You're the angstiest you're ever going to be in your life, right now. It DOES get better. You do find freedom, if you're strong enough to seek it. You can heal from the injuries life has dealt you, but it takes work and you have to want it. You can find peace and work on remolding the parts of yourself that someone else shaped.
So instead of feeling sorry for yourself and your overbearing mother, and your asshole brother, invest that energy in finding a way to take control of your life. Fuel your angst into getting a job, working long hours, building a bank roll, and fantasizing about the day you get to leave and say "Sorry, this isn't me anymore."