There's always the flipside of "Why kill myself? Why not kill the actual problem? Everyone else?"
I'm not a fan of suicide, unless I can go out in a way that I would be proud of ending myself. Basically, leaving a massive "Fuck you" to God, and the rest of the world. If I am to have my life end; it'll be on my own terms, and that includes method of departure. Cowardice is the last thing to come to mind about my own suicide when you see what I have in mind for methods. Hell, I'll even hold up a post-mortem high score board for elaborate ones, or the kind you can score with (like crashing a car and making it spin like a top; how many spins can you get? What value of collateral damage can you get done, physically and psychologically? And so forth.).
All things considered, only other reason for me talking like this is just plain having a crummy day, where Status Quo is apparently God, and every gorram work day has to end on a rainy note, especially after the whole day was beautiful, clear skies, blue and bright and sunny (including today, which a torrent hit me JUST as I finished working, and ONLY affected where it mattered (preventing me from driving home in my own ride, and having to borrow my work vehicle for another consecutive work day (because as much faith in me that my boss has in working and such; no faith whatsoever with a moped and a little water on the road. Mind you, I recovered from a few whiskey throttles (one caused by my tire exploding, and the other, SANS WIPEOUT. They witnessed me almost spill it, and then tame my moped like a bucking bronco to full control in less than a dozen seconds; AND STILL NO FAITH IN MY SKILLS. God-fucking-damn it all. Why are the faithful always devoid of it? I justified myself.), and the mere fact that I can overtake cars with a fucking moped), including being imposing enough, or a dense enough overcast, to discourage me from enjoying outdoors all day). It's been like this for months so far, and I'm willing to drag God out of Heaven, and run Him down with my work vehicle; or at least, drag Him behind it for a few miles. That's how pissed off I am right now.
Add to all this, we've been working on getting some new workers, and every one we've been getting is a total fuck-up. First day of work, and then "I need a week off to do something", employee 1 is out. Another hire, another work day or two, they're arrested and in jail for DUI. Third employee, work day, nearly gets hit by a car as he is being dropped off (why can't we be armed in traffic? I want my motor-vehicle EMP to shoot down bad drivers and halt them to a complete stop where a jumpstart is required; that or maybe a dart gun to shoot out tires with to pull them over. Our drivers are a constant source of life endangerment, and they're jam-packed in my town. Road rage is the only way to control the masses. I miss terrorizing the roads with my crappy, though effectively terrifying looking (as in, I care not it's condition it's been, a mobile total'd, Alpha Car; basically, if it was tailing you, then you're doing something wrong in traffic, and the driver behind you has no fear of wrecking you. A road-legal demolition derby car.), next day, no arrival, they're in the hospital pissing blood because of steroid abuse or something. This has been the norm for me for a good while, and I'm ready to do something about it, even if it means killing God off to make progress.
All things considered, my boss needs to improve his background checking abilities. Because I'm gonna turn into a mental patient at this rate.
EDIT:
Fuck it, I might as well already be, considering recent post, and my gut feeling about society's POV about me. Not shocking since it hasn't changed since I was a single-digit age (eg- since kindergarten). Creepy and special-needs candidate material; despite being the one-in-a-million decent person where everyone else, despite being kind people, are horrifically demonic (in essence, I have been fired long ago, and yet I'm on the verge of down-shifting into part-time in the same job as an end result. So I have proof. What proof? Besides the obvious, basically everyone else fired by them left in a huff. Me, I endured; and my reward is being given the opportunity to leave on a better note, with at least the downshift being an option in-the-works right now (thus the new cannon fodder employees.).).
Sorry about my usual Wall 'o' Text. But it's better I get the rest out of me, than let it settle in longer. I don't like getting drunk angry. Last thing I need is to make that an emotional crutch; and be mistaken for having a drug/drinking problem. No level of sobriety can calm THAT rage down.