Every goddamn season you hear fashion brands yapping about their products being "essential". Well, here's a quick heads-up for you people: they aren't. You know what's essential? Food. Food is fucking essential because without it, you starve and die. Air is also essential, unless you're a fish, in which case it's water - and that's essential for landlubbers too, although we can go without it for about three days. And since we live in a society, clothing is essential, unless you want your naked ass handed to you by the nearest police officer because what the fuck else are they supposed to do when a guy runs around dangling his balls in front of children? But you know this funny thing about clothing? All of it covers you nakedness if used properly. Even the cheap as hell dad jeans/black ill-fitting top combo you see most men around here rocking. You don't need a pair of grey flannel wool trousers - you may want them, and I do, I am a shopping whore just like that- but you sure as hell gonna be okay without them. Office? Even your boss wears a pair of ink-stained khakis. Theatre? The old ladies in the reception are currently runing a public awareness campain to stop people from coming in there in shorts and joggers. Hell, that's a pair of essential trousers in Russia - joggers. It's like a goddamn status symbol, and don't forget to buy the ones with as many stripes as possible (Adidas is an enduring, recognisable classic in this field). But wool trousers? Last time I wore a pair, the waiter tried to speak to me in English. The girl sitting next to me said that I probably don't speak English since I'm obviously Italian. When I answered in Russian, it blew their fucking minds. And don't let me even start on the number of old, ugly gold diggers who threw themselves at me last time I wore a suit. So no, Versache and Gucci and Ralph motherfucking Lauren, your shit is not essential. Please stop using that word.