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[Krath]

They're completely against cutting down trees yet use wooden armor and weapons with no problems? Not only are they using substandard quality equipment out of choice, but they're cutting down the exact same thing that they don't want other people to use.

Is this some secret elf plot to have all the wood in the world to themselves to forge a massive, under-equipped war machine?

[Capntastic]

This is a well-worn topic; elves use elven techniques to harvest wood without harming the tree.

[Kelbin]

Damn it, I was going to say that.

Oh well.

But it's still ridiculous how they whine about selling them things you just bought from them seconds ago without moving it.

[Imp]

As translated from a partial elven text, somewhat damaged by copious amounts of fresh blood and excrement (I'd have ordered that elf killed cleanly if I'd known she might have been carrying a document of interest, but she had it under her shirt near her heart.  She may have considered it sacred, I am unsure).


(some damaged bits, many pages worth actually, then some parts that didn't get damaged at all)
... to the profane what is holy, for always their souls long for the blessings of life.  Were wood-gift not given to the foul, then even more trees would fall in terror and agony.  Far better, to give freely and teach the profane to gently accept what is given.  But the profane value nothing that is free, thus the honest shall go to them and offer wood-gift in exchange for materials of other value.  Through the wood-gift the profane can be lead to gentleness, and their hunger for the fabric of life will come to be assuaged in simpler ways.  Tamed, the profane can be maintained in a gentle state by liberal offerings of cloth woven from the lesser plants, and the precious wood-gifts no longer given to foul hands...

(Some more damaged bits, only a couple of pages worth)
... is a great crime.  For foul hands to touch wood-gift or raped-wood is to render the blessed as foul as they.  Truly great is the sacrifice of our sisters, to give willingly of themself to the profane.  The given wood is blighted, and never may be touched by clean hands again.  As we leave the rotting limbs for the insects to clean and return to purity, wood-gift touched by the profane must be left to lie until the insects cleanse it away.  Beware the profane who would place tainted gifts into your hands, for they long to befoul you, that you would carry their curse back to your sisters and us all.  Should the profane place wood-gift in your hands, you shall leave the wicked immediately and begin your three month...

Well, there's more that's all messed up by blood and a few bits left I haven't translated yet, it's kinda gross to work with even without the stink of blood and mess.  Gotta say though, seeing what they think happens to the wood they trade us  - what would they do if I offered them this damaged, 'foul' text back?  Almost worth keeping this smelly thing around until spring to find out.

[Hyperturtle]

I like how now they are happy offering a counter trade asking for leather items caked in elf blood and demon ichor, but toss a palm figurine in there and HORROR!

[Crowbar]

Thanks for posting that Imp, all the papers and stuff I recover from dead elves are too water-damaged to be legible.

[Sarvesh Mossbeard]

This is a well-worn topic; elves use elven techniques to harvest wood without harming the tree.

Aka: They pick up dead branchs and scotch tape them together.

[JohnLukeG]

Only the finest weapons and armours can be crafted from dead, rotting wood.

[Karnewarrior]

This is a well-worn topic; elves use elven techniques to harvest wood without harming the tree.

Aka: They pick up dead branchs and scotch tape them together.

No, think Children of the Mind, what the piggies do.

Elves beat on trees with sticks until the tree gives them what they want.
They actually try to do that to you, but the response from whacking a dwarf with a stick doesn't work quite the same way as a tree...

[Beeskee]

Yeah, they are not against using trees, they are against YOU using trees.

Or it's all a BS scam to make you buy their wood.

[Josephus]

Yeah, they are not against using trees, they are against YOU using trees.

Or it's all a BS scam to make you buy their wood.

Are you suggesting that elves are some unholy fusion of Bob Marley and Uncle Pennybags?

[Kobold Troubadour]

They actually try to do that to you, but the response from whacking a dwarf with a stick doesn't work quite the same way as a tree...

They were probably an old legend from long ago that if they hit a dwarf enough times, candies come out.

[RavingManiac]

They hug the trees to death.

[Corbald]

Interestingly enough, I have also found some documents on some elves who weren't able to make it out of my trade depot when a siege occurred. The got locked in, and due to the length of time the siege lasted, went... er.... a bit off. I'm sure it was either the lack of sky, or the lack of trees.. (Though it could have been the giant pile of cut wood they wandered into... Not sure) After dealing with (read: violently attacking) the problem, we discovered some papers that were much like those found at Imp's fortress. These, however, were more intact, primarily due to our Axe Dwarves having had their training axes equipped at the time. (The corpses were.... squishy.. I will not burden you with any more imagery than that..) Ours were basically the same information already relaid to the Council here, though with more detail on the two noted points. HOWEVER! One of our brethren happens to be a Legendary +5 cryptographer, and he thought it unusual that such a simple message covered over 20 pages.. When he requested funding to preform some research on them, it was, of course, granted.

After nearly three seasons, locked in his rooms and accepting nothing more than water (of all things) and wine biscuits, he finally emerged, tattered and on the brink of tantrum, clutching some crumpled scrolls in one hand, and the partially masticated remains of a kitten in the other. Only to promptly collapse. He's recovering in our hospital ward as I write this, and should the unthinkable happen, we have a very nice crypt selected for him. (It has some beautiful obsidian workings along the floors, and a very nice silver coffin that menaces with spikes of cat bone. On it is an image of a Dwarf, and Dwarves. The Dwarf is showing the Dwarves some important documents. This relates to when Urist McScribbleScript decoded the Elven Conspiracy)

More importantly is the content of the scrolls:

PROPAGANDA DISPATCHED STOP DWARVES SLASH HUMANS UNAWARE STOP PEASANT POPULATION ACCEPTING RELIGIOUS MALARKEY STOP MONOPOLIZATION OF TIMBER HAS PROCEEDED AS EXPECTED STOP HOW ARE WIFE AND KIDS QUERY END

Suffice to say, our trade depot now comes equipped with some 'Magma Features.'

I have included some 'Dwarven Decoder Rings,' and instructions on their use, with this message. We must be vigilant my comrads! We can't let the Pansies prevail!