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Author Topic: I narrate terrible fanfiction for your amusement  (Read 1992 times)

piecewise

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I narrate terrible fanfiction for your amusement
« on: May 22, 2010, 05:19:58 pm »

The first edition of "Metroid High school" Chronicling the trials and hardships of a intergalactic bounty hunter, a giant space dragon and their unending quest for love.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgky5qxSxmo

Armok

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Re: I narrate terrible fanfiction for your amusement
« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2010, 05:55:16 pm »

AUGHBBBLLLGHHGYTIVKBLANSEFLÄELÖLÖLÖLÖLÖMÄFÄKM!!! :o :-\

Thats the most horible thing I have ever....
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abculatter_2

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Re: I narrate terrible fanfiction for your amusement
« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2010, 06:17:47 pm »

I didn't watch the entire thing. I probably could if I wanted, but I like my brain cells.
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Hungry

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Re: I narrate terrible fanfiction for your amusement
« Reply #3 on: May 22, 2010, 06:29:01 pm »

IT BURNS!!!

My inner writer wants me to kill it, you and whom ever wrote that peice of shit.

And my outer write wants me to rewrite it, with more sense and include an actually plausable storyline...and also to narrate it myself...
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piecewise

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Re: I narrate terrible fanfiction for your amusement
« Reply #4 on: May 22, 2010, 07:16:19 pm »

If anyone has suggestions for my next reading after I get done with the samus series let me know. Not My immortal though, thats been done to death.

Dragooble

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Re: I narrate terrible fanfiction for your amusement
« Reply #5 on: May 22, 2010, 07:32:53 pm »

If anyone has suggestions for my next reading after I get done with the samus series let me know. Not My immortal though, thats been done to death.
And it's 44 chapters. Don't have anything to offer. Never really read bad fanfiction.
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3

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Re: I narrate terrible fanfiction for your amusement
« Reply #6 on: May 22, 2010, 07:42:14 pm »

I'm never sure if the people who write this sort of thing are trolls or not. It's one of the few scenarios which are usually genuinely difficult to judge, as stuff like this tends to tick every single box regarding both bad fanfiction and bad writing in general.
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Org

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Re: I narrate terrible fanfiction for your amusement
« Reply #7 on: May 22, 2010, 07:50:09 pm »

Quote

Echoes of War
By Cthulhu

Chapter 1: A New Threat
     
     The year is 1969.  In Vietnam there is a military base in the jungles of Vietnam.  Sitting in the bar in that base, drinking Tequila with no sugar, is a man.  That man is Dash Gunmetal.  That's Staff Sergeant Dash Gunmetal to you.  Dash wears a black trenchcoat, a black cowboy hat, and a pair of dark sunglasses.  His boots are made of snakeskin and have spikes made of alligator teeth.  A 3.9 calibre revolver sits in a holster at his side.  He has knives.
     Suddenly, Commander Wolf Grayskull enters the bar.  "Gunmetal!" he says, "We need you to assassinate the Vietcong leader, General Snakeeyes!"
     Dash removes his sunglasses.  "I already know that." He says, and takes off his sunglasses.
     "Of course, Gunmetal.  I forgot you have the gift of foresight." Commander Grayskull says apologetically.  Dash pushes up his sunglasses out of his eyes and peers at Grayskull with eyes that had no pupils.  For Dash is a vampire.
     Dash finishes off his bottle of vodka and walks out.  He loads his revolver and jumps into the air.  His vampire powers allow him to jump all the way out of the base and into the jungle.  But it's not a jungle.  The Vietcong have used nanobots to turn Vietnam into a futuristic city.  Dash takes off his sunglasses, since it's nighttime now, and walks into a seedy bar.
     "Where is General Snakeeyes?" He asks viciously.  The bartender pulls out a gun!  Quick as lightning, quick as a cobra, quick as a barracuda, quick as a moray eel, quick as a sea anemone, quick as a camera flash, Dash pulls out his knives and cuts the bartender's throat.  Everyone pulls out katanas.  Dash knows he'll need to see well, so he takes off his sunglasses.  It is time to kill.

Chapter 2: Visions of the Past

    Dash Gunskull draws his revolver and shoots the first guy.  He is blown in half.  Another guy jumps from a balcony with a katana and dash parries and knocks the katana out of his hand and slashes him in the chest and then cuts his arms off and then cuts off his head.  He shoots another guy behind him, and it goes in slow motion.  Three guys shoot at him with machineguns and he bends down to dodge the bullets like in the Matrix.  One of the bullets hits his sunglasses and they break.
     "Now I'm angry" he says and jumps on the guy and drinks his blood.  The blood gives him superspeed and he kills another guy with his claws.  He kills more people with his claws, until only one guy is left.  Dash picks him up and slams him against the wall.  "Where is General Snakeeyes?!"
    "I don't speak English" he responded.  Gunmetal, disappointed, blows him up with his mind powers because he has mind powers.  He walks outside and sees a tower in the distance.  It says in neon letters THE HOME OF GENERAL SNAKEEYES.

Chapter 3: A Dark Revelation

    Dash jumped to the top of the tower and subdued the guards.  Then he killed them.  He walked down the stairs into General Snakeeyes Throne Room.  But General Snakeeyes wasn't no longer General of the Vietcong.  He was now king of Vietnam.
     "I am no longer General of the Vietcong, I am now King of Vietnam!" he said from atop his pet dragon.  Using his super-vision, Dash saw that Snakeeyes wasn't a human.  He was a terminator and also a vampire.  Snakeeyes' dragon breathed fire at Dash, and Dash jumped out of the way.  The dragon turned into a werewolf and charged at him.  Dash fought hard and tried to avoid being bitten because werewolf poison is poisonous.  He slashed it in the paw and it howled.  It slashed him in the hand he howled.  Its poison was now in his veins.  He shot it in the head and it exploded, sending shrapnel everywhere.  Dash was wounded.  General Snakeeyes would have to wait for another day.  Dash jumped out the window, but landed on the ground safely, for he was a vampire.  He pushed a button in his pocket that called his car to him.  It drove up and he got in.  He drove 100 miles an hour away, but there were cars chasing him.  He leaned out and shot a car.  It exploded.  The other  cars started shooting at him and he dodged through a fruit stand.  He knew he had to go faster to get away, so he pushed a button on the car's dashboard.  It turned into a motorcycle.  He went 200 miles an hour now.  The cars did the same, and now he was in a motorcycle chase.  He turned at an exit ramp and ended up on a giant deathrace track where the track was a hundred feet off the ground and looped and stuff.  It was time to kill.

Chapter 4: Dangerous Knowledge

     Dash drove down the racetrack with the motorcycles behind him.  He used an oil slick and one of the motorcycles fell into a pit full of robot sharks.  He died.  Dash ramped off of a ramp and did a 180.  He opened the roof of his motorcycle, because it was one of those enclosed motorcycles like in Spyhunter.  He pulled out his revolver and shot two of the motorcycles before turning around and landed on the ground.  There was only one motorcycle left and it could fly.   Dash tried to get away but it shot missiles at him.  He dodged them and they hit a school bus.
     "No!" Dash shouted, and remembered his secret weapon.  He jumped out of the motorcycle and pulled off his sunglasses.  He pushed a button and they started beeping.  He threw them like a boomerang and they hit the flying motorcycle.  They stuck to it and it used an EMP to shut it down.  He ran away for in thirty seconds they would explode and they were a nuclear bomb.  At 29 seconds he jumped forward and dove to the ground as they exploded, blowing up General Snakeeyes city of evil.


Chapter 5: Shadows of the Future

     Dash returned to the base, but it was destroyed and on fire.  He ran to Commander Grayskull, but he was dead.
     "Ha ha ha, I have the Star of Power!" King Snakeyes cackled.  Dash turned around and saw him holding a magical star.  "You fool!  The most powerful object in the world was right in your base, and you never knew!" He said.  He flew away.
     "I swear, King Snakeeyes, I'll revenge  you for what you've done" Dash said, and threw his sunglasses to the ground in anger.
Narrate this.
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abculatter_2

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Re: I narrate terrible fanfiction for your amusement
« Reply #8 on: May 22, 2010, 07:59:39 pm »

The chapters are 5 sentences long...
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Don't think of it as being besieged by thralls/husks, think of it as having your own personal moat of life hating mutilated menaces

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smigenboger

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Re: I narrate terrible fanfiction for your amusement
« Reply #9 on: May 22, 2010, 09:00:24 pm »

That was great, and horrible.
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Karnewarrior

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Re: I narrate terrible fanfiction for your amusement
« Reply #10 on: May 22, 2010, 10:42:17 pm »

Bad fanfic?

Do anything from a twilight fanfiction site.
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Sensei

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Re: I narrate terrible fanfiction for your amusement
« Reply #13 on: May 23, 2010, 02:40:09 am »

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