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[Sensei]

The following is a nobody's-bumping-my-RTD text adventure, courtesy of Sensei! It will die abruptly when it stops being funny or I have something else to do. Projected lifespan: 2-9 days.

If you're not familiar with the good ol' text adventure format, everyone will suggest actions for the protagonist- the solution to mutually exclusive suggestions is usually democracy. Because this is a short little adventure, I won't be culling stupid and dangerous actions(probably). Precede actions with >. EX: >Drink Water.

Any other rules should be pretty self-explanatory and will be instituted when I feel like it.
Behind you is a DESERT. There are rolling, rough sand dunes are far as the eye can see, punctuated by a two-lane road. The tops of crumbling, ancient sky-scrapers protrude from these dunes, and they cast long shadows in the setting sun. It's too damn hot, even in the evening. On a hill sits a powerful CAR- it has an aggressive shape, armor plating, hundreds of horsepower, and machineguns.



It is not yours. You have a MULE. Or rather, you had one, but you ate it quite a few miles back. Before you sits not only that car, but the town of RASTBURG- a wretched hive of scum and villainy if you ever saw one. It consists of a very crude FORTRESS WALL, and inside of it many low, rusting shacks made of abandoned materials. It's difficult to discern what is a scrap pile and what somebody is living in. Somewhere in there is WATER- probably at a charge, but you saved a little money- twenty paper-bills, in fact. Not that their denominations matter; just that nobody can make them any more. Most people just call them 'SCRIP' for the sound they make.

Right now the gates are closed, there is a guard on a tower built into the wall you can talk to. He is wielding a crossbow. You'll probably want to talk to him since, although you're numb to it, you'll probably pass out of thirst in a few hours

Thirst: ‼EXTREME‼
Hunger: Moderate
Wounds: None

Inventory:
Tattered clothes (EQUIPPED)
Pistol
Bullet x2
20 Scrip
Donkey Jaw (this is a weapon, along with any other use you think of)

>_

[Demonic Spoon]

>Steal car.

[Digital Hellhound]

> Steal the missile on top of it

[inteuniso]

>Go ask the guard for some whater.

[Karnewarrior]

>Put pants on head

[Spartan 117]

>Ask the guard for free water. If he denies, steal the car, point the rocket at him and ask again.

[Sensei]

>Steal car.

You walk over to the car- (coin:Heads) which, for its value, is miraculously unattended. The doors are welded shut, so you start to open the window-net to climb inside. This activates a flamethrower you didn't see before. You narrowly escape- losing what hair you hadn't lost from radiation. You're not sure if the guard didn't notice you, or just doesn't care.

> Steal the missile on top of it

You lift it out of its housing, and oh god shit that's heavy! You don't think you can lift that while you're so dehydrated. You bury it in the sand nearby though, and mark it with a rock so you can find it later.

>Go ask the guard for some whater.

"OI YOU!" you call out, "Can I get some water?" The guard returns, "Water's in the square. Also, don't steal anything inside these walls or I'll shoot yer ass." The gate opens. Before you is Rastburg, seedy denizens wearing all sorts of strange, worn attire. Most of the activity in there is from stalls buying and selling just about everything you can imagine. A loud generator is even supplying electricity to some places. The only thing that sticks out from the maze of ruined huts is the mayor's building, a converted missile bunker. The missile silo has been flooded from an aquifer and people take their water freely from it. There are no farms, the town depends entirely on trade for food.

>Put pants on head

WOO! PANTS ON HEAD!
Everybody wonders what you think is so great. The pants-on-head fad died a month ago.

>Ask the guard for free water. If he denies, steal the car, point the rocket at him and ask again.

Looks like the water's free anyway. Not that you could steal the car regardless.

[Spartan 117]

>Drink water

[Sensei]

>Drink water

Like many weary travelers before you, you quench your thirst at the silo. Nearby some guards shoot a pickpocket. You notice you're rather hungry. Oh, it looks the guards shot the wrong guy, someone else slit the pickpocket's throat.

You probably don't want to hang around longer than you have to. But you don't intend on leaving into the desert on foot with scraps of clothing.

Thirst: None
Hunger: High
Wounds: None

Inventory:
Tattered Shirt (EQUIPPED)
Pants (ON HEAD)
Tighty Whities (EQUIPPED)
Pistol
Bullet x2
20 Scrip
Donkey Jaw

>_

[Demonic Spoon]

Buy food.

[Sensei]

Buy food.

You try the nearest stall. "Hey, what'll 20 scrip get me?"
"Pound a' meat." replies the butcher.
"What kind a' meat?"
"Meat."

[Karnewarrior]

>"I love meat!"

[Spartan 117]

>Ask if he has any Iguana-on-a-stick

[Sensei]

>"I love meat!"

>Ask if he has any Iguana-on-a-stick

He has one piece that looks sort of like an iguana, maybe. At your behest he puts an oil dipstick in it. Nutritious! You eat half of it now.
Thirst: None
Hunger: Low
Wounds: None

Inventory:
Tattered Shirt (EQUIPPED)
Pants (ON HEAD)
Tighty Whities (EQUIPPED)
Pistol
Bullet x2
Donkey Jaw
Half a pound of meat on a stick

>_

[Spartan 117]

>Sell pants, buy lockpick, steal car