This is a contest, and it's quite simple:
Everyone write a few lines (or stanzas) on why elves suck, dwarves are better than elves, etc. It doesn't have to be perfect, it's a dwarven drinking song after all!
Everything written will be stitched together into one epic saga, the like of which will resound from the throats of entire drinking halls full of dwarves for millennia to come!
The more "sober" lines will come first, fading into incoherence as the singers become increasingly drunken; the absolute best verse will gain the honor of being the chorus!
I just KNOW that you guys have plenty of reasons why to hate elves, so get to it!
PS: Cacame's off-limits.
UPDATE:
The title needs work, please post any good ideas you have.
(four bar intro)
In forests and hills of legend and lore
There once lived a clan of the elves we abhor
Their arrogant height and their pansy décor
Were merely the first of the crimes they'd pay for!
Now these elves had a problem, a terrible plight,
They didn't know ale and they had no fist-fights,
Their lives were pale shadows, their boredom a blight,
So they went to the dwarves to deliver their spite.
For it's hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok,
The dwarves strike the earth and make love to the rock!
Oh, Blood for the Blood God, more blood for Armok!
It’s a hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok.
Came the elves to the fortress, the mountain-home grand,
They indicted the baron; "You've clear cut this land!
You have chopped down our brethren, you short little man,
Of course this means war, now deliver, now stand!"
(two bars’ pause for drunken laughter)
When the elves were all dead, the dwarves were confused,
Who were these strange fools, so quickly abused?
"More blood for the blood god," the Baron's wife mused,
And they went back beneath where the hot magma oozed.
For it's hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok,
The dwarves strike the earth and make love to the rock!
Oh, Blood for the Blood God, more blood for Armok!
It’s a hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok.
Well the dwarves kept on choppin’ that forest to stumps
And the elves’ fighting spirits were down in the dumps
They sieged once again, but were met by the pumps
While the elves’ fat was melting, the dwarves got more plump!
(one bar’s pause for drunken chortling)
Back in the forest, at the elven retreat
The elves were quite puzzled by this sound defeat
“Perhaps,” said the druid, “we shouldn’t compete,
“If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em! Now pass me the meat!”
For it's hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok,
The dwarves strike the earth and make love to the rock!
Oh, Blood for the Blood God, more blood for Armok!
It’s a hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok.
In the Smooth Points of Pride, a new fortress was found,
With incredible wealth in the depths of the ground,
And the elves came to trade though they scowled and they frowned,
For the trinkets of this place were scepters and crowns.
A talc ring for berries, a goblet for cloth,
It seemed that the riches were sweet heady broth,
So the elves kept on coming, despite their great wroth,
Till the day it all ended in red bloody froth.
For it's hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok,
The dwarves strike the earth and make love to the rock!
Oh, Blood for the Blood God, more blood for Armok!
It’s a hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok.
(two bar quiet pause)
(spoken; 8 bars each paragraph)
And it happened that on one day an elven noble name Lema Ceraliceyi came to this puckered sphincter of a fortress, and she looked upon the wasted jungle where the dwarves had taken the wood they so desperately needed for beds, bins, and boxes, and she was taken with a mighty rage. In her hubris she descended upon the leader of the fortress and said unto him, "You have disrespected the trees in this area, but this is what we have come to expect from your stunted kind. Further abuse cannot be tolerated. Let this be a warning to you."
And this so enraged the mayor of that cursed fortress that a gleam came into his eye, and he swept her a bow and shed a tear, and whispered promises to her of a new respect for nature, if only she and her gleaming brethren would return again, to trade and teach them the ways of leaf and branch. And Lema Ceraliceyi was gratified and decieved, and left in foolish confidence that her sick arboreal fetish would be welcomed here when she returned. But such was not to be...
(sung quietly)
In the following year, they brought wagons so full,
Full of berries and barrels and silk cloth and wool,
And the elves tried to trade with the elephant herders,
(build)
Who slaughtered them slowly while screaming BOATMURDERED!
(solo interlude!)
For it's hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok,
The dwarves strike the earth and make love to the rock!
Oh, Blood for the Blood God, more blood for Armok!
It’s a hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok.
For it's hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok,
The dwarves strike the earth and make love to the rock!
Oh, Blood for the Blood God, more blood for Armok!
It’s a hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok.
It’s a hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok.
It’s a hey-di-lee hi, and ho-di-lee hok.
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Topic: The EPIC Dwarven Drinking Song of Many Names (Read 50671 times)