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[Darktongue Breakbone]

I know this is an odd place to bring up this topic, but this is the only forum that wouldn't send a bunch of forum police for bringing up something that's off topic.  Also, this is the only forum I use frequently in which I actually feel some special kinship with other users.

I HATE chess.  It's supposed to be the quintessential strategy game.  If you are great at strategy games, yous should be great at chess.  If you are great at board games that require strategic thinking, you should be awesome at chess.  Why do I suck so much at this game?

I know how every piece moves.  Pawns can move two spaces on their first move, they can move one space diagonally to take out a rival piece.  Rooks can move forward or sideways as many spaces as they want unless something is blocking them, etc.

I know how every freaking piece can move.

I've never played against a real player, only a CPU AI.  I play it in the easiest mode and the computer always beats me!

The only explanation I can think of is that I don't get the rules.  Not all of them anyways.  I know how the pieces are SUPPOSED to move.

Somehow, the CP always uses it's queen to take out a bishop situated right in front of a pawn.  I want to use the pawn to take the queen, and it won't let me.  Why?

I assume a pawn can't take a queen so I arrogantly use my queen to take out a knight right in front of a pawn, then that pawn freaking takes my queen!?

I HATE THIS GAME!!! ARRRGH!

I'm good at every classic board game!  Backgammon? Good!  Checkers?  Good!  I won several games of Cribbage without even knowing what the hell was going on!

Why do I suck so horribly at chess?  What the hell am I not getting?

For god's sake I play Dwarf Fortress!  You think Garry Kasparov could understand the first thing about Dwarf Fortress?

[darkflagrance]

Why not post this in the lower levels of the forums?

Also: this is why you learn the rules to games before playing them

[Lord Urist]

You should probably move this to one of the lower forums, but as to why it is... maybe the pawn is pinned (you can't move it because otherwise the king would be in check from another piece).

[Deathworks]

Hi!

Your descriptions sound a bit confusing/

You do realize that pawns can only take pieces in the two spaces diagonally ahead of them, don't you? If something stands right in front of the pawn, there is nothing the pawn can do about it, and it can't even move as its movements square is occupied.

Deathworks

[unperson]

Try Go (also called baduk or weiqi) Beats chess in every way in my opinion. Best board game ever. And you can beat the best computer after a few months of playing.
But be carefull its realy addictive :-)

EDIT:

Rules are very simple to learn but the game is very complex, heres a good place to learn it: http://playgo.to/iwtg/en/
And www.gokgs.com is a good server to start playing

[Kavalion]

Chess is a war game.  When your queen opened up on that knight with her SAW, she gave away her position and the pawn pulled out his pistol and capped her.  The strategy is in planning ahead and setting up a firing arc without exposing any of your pieces to enemy fire.  Your mission is just to destroy the opposing team's nuclear ordinance (the king) while protecting your own.  You want to plan ahead and really saturate the area with suppressive fire before you make a move on the nukes.

[Vattic]

Try Go

Beat me to it, I'd love to learn go but nobody I know is interested. Computer opponents are not yet capable of beating capable human players. This is unlike chess where the best computer opponents beat the best human players hands down.

[Eagle_eye]

Umm... Play against real people. Preferably ones at your skill level. That will help a lot. Also, every piece can capture every other piece, except a king can't capture another king. Chess is entirely dependent on thinking ahead, 10, 20 moves. Oh, and another tip: don't open up your defenses just to get pieces out there faster.

[Bandages]

Chess is a game for intelligent people.

[unperson]

Try Go

Beat me to it, I'd love to learn go but nobody I know is interested.

Its quite possible to learn and get to high level with only online play. I learned the game online and havent played on a real board for 1 year. You can learn the rules from the above link I gave (they are so simple it wont take more then 10 minutes) after that you know all you need to play online. I can also help getting started (send me a pm if your interested) Always happy to get new people addicted in this great game, hehe.

[Kazang]

The only explanation I can think of is that I don't get the rules.  Not all of them anyways.  I know how the pieces are SUPPOSED to move.

Somehow, the CP always uses it's queen to take out a bishop situated right in front of a pawn.  I want to use the pawn to take the queen, and it won't let me.  Why?

I assume a pawn can't take a queen so I arrogantly use my queen to take out a knight right in front of a pawn, then that pawn freaking takes my queen!?

Pawns can only take diagonally.

You seem to have missed some basic principles of the game.  I would suggest getting someone you know to teach you the basics, it's a lot more simple that way, and playing against a person is very different to AI.

And dwarf fortress isn't a difficult game, it just has a terrible UI.  It's the opposite of chess, chess is simple in it's rules and presentation but complicated in play.  DF is ridiculously over complex in it's presentation but the actual gameplay is very simple.

[slothen]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Ilmoran]

For the people pointing out that pawns capture diagonally, he states that himself in the original post, so I think when he says "right in front of", he's stating the details slightly wrong (easy to do when you're flustered).

As for why the pawn couldn't capture, most likely L. Urist is correct:  Moving the pawn would expose your king to check.  Playing vs a computer, the game usually won't let you actually make a move that leaves your king exposed.

[BigD145]

Chess is a game for intelligent people.

Chess is a game for people that have good memories. This does not necessarily imbue them with intelligence.

[Libelnon]

Don't really see how this relates to Dwarf Mode myself...

Not unless you're suggesting we make a chess set with dwarves for pieces?

...Wait... that would be too much like Thud.