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[Dwarven Malcolite]

Thanks to a bloody sock, all of the booze from the artifacts is distilled mermaid's blood. A sea of blood, as it just so happens, is the natural counter to Underworld Guardians such as Cerberus derivations, and a sea of blood is what we have thanks to the Boozetacular Rule. (This is all according to the supplement to the bonus pamphlet given out at to those of us who competed in the 1654 games, of course). As a direct result of this, the ginormous nine headed ultra cerebus implodes. Explosively. As such, ginormous nine headed ultra cerebus parts rain down upon the field, where they each have a 1/46 chance of forming localized extradimensional  portals (which are all extra-extradimensional thanks to the negation negation zone)due to the lingering resonances, with the location of their other ends determined by the Random Events Referee.

As the indirect result of this, I advance the season to summer. No more elves, but the humans are coming...

Oh, and I move my horde of kittens to engage the cows, with support from the Live Carpsilk Yarndwarf, which is protected by the menacing spikes of beard. This should invoke the EPIC COMBAT substrategy tactical advancement mode, unless, of course, someone pulls an Oppenheimer's Reversal on the cows.

[ February 26, 2008: Message edited by: Dwarven Malcolite ]

[Dwarfaholic]

A !!Dwarf!! has sprung from ambush!

Thanks to rule 1387, rulebook IX, "We like ninjas!" edition, also known as the controversial "True stealth" edition, I have over the last few turns had a flaming dwarf sneak around the battlefield. I have had no need to declare this to the others, thanks to the aforementioned rule.

As we all know, fire has +5 legendary ambusher (see earlier posts), and, as we also know well, dwarves are basically mushrooms, seeing as they reproduce by spores (There is also the equally popular theory of telepathy, but I will discuss this later).

As you may well know, mushrooms adapt to their environments.
As this dwarf-mushroom notices it has a sneaking fire on it (This may take some time), it will adapt to the situation and learn as much as possible from the fire, getting superior sneaking skills too.
Thus, a legendary +5 ambusher !!dwarf!!.

/bow.

Also, if dwarves indeed do reproduce by telepathy, he will still gain legendary skills.
As we all know, each fire has a life. In some fires, this grows, until the fire becomes of Spirit of Fire. As these dwarves reproduce via telepathy, they have at least basic telepathic skills. Thus, they learn from the fire, and gain +5 ambush.

Now that I have proven that I do, indeed, have a sneaking !!dwarf!!, I will commence with the game.
As he is legendary, he gains attributes. Through sheer chance, they all go to toughness, making him super!!dwarvenly!! tough.

The !!dwarf!! emerges from ambush near Dwarven Malcolite's kittens. They all immediately adopt him, and run to him, setting themselves on fire.

The !!dwarf!! then goes to enjoy a drink at the still.

Also, as I have proved something that first seemed unlikely (see paragraphs 3-5), I gain 2448 extra points thanks to the "Runs around babbling" rule, which I probably don't need to list.

This raises my score to over nine thousand, activating the "Cliche remark" rule (Rule 1765, XIVeme rulebook, Caernarvon ruleset), forcing all creatures with [INTELLIGENT] to point at me shamingly.
As we know, dwarves are not intelligent, so my !!dwarf!! remains untouched.

Now that I am being shamedly pointed at, I activate the "Angsty nerd" rule (Rule 1, rulebook I, Pantshelm ruleset), making everybody hate me EVEN MORE.

Now I have two layers of hatred.
As planned...

[Dwarven Malcolite]

Well, you may have gotten my swarm of kittens in that completely unexpected Oppenheimer's Reversal, Variant Number Three, but I still have my lone kitten unaffiliated with that swarm...

Further, as I have lost my kittens to adoption, I am allowed to claim and bring in compensating forces. In this case, I reveal to you Urist Torsocleaved, Mayor, Urist Gatalthoth, Woodcutter, and Urist M–thkatn‹ng, Legendary +2 Arsonist.
Dwarfaholic, in using the Angsty Nerd Rule, has managed to get involved as an actual piece on the field, as in order to point at Dwarfaholic Dwarfaholic must be present on the field. This, of course, is a natural derivation of the invoked rule, included in version 2 of the rulebook.

Given that, and the right-of-reply, which was established by Royal Decree at the First Games and allows any to immediately react to any move that may affect them or their pieces by extending their turn as appropriate, allows me to respond.

Given that, I activate the natural ability of Mayors to be in Attend Meeting at all times to have my mayor be in a meeting with Dwarfaholic. The counseling received not only boosts my mayor to Legendary +7 Liar and Consoler (with stat boosts going to agility and toughness only), it also invokes a great feeling of pity towards Dwarfaholic, who must endure the mayor's ramblings. This, and the oft-forgotten Windbag's Addendum Ruleset Implementation, which occurs by default whenever Pantsherm Rules are not used, cause all hate players have for Dwarfaholic to be transferred to the mayor, and replaced with an equal amount of pity.
Sorry Dwarfaholic. All players now have two levels of pity towards you. I do hope I didn't ruin one of your plans.

The arsonist begins sneaking. The arsonist, being skilled with fire, gains Legendary +5 ambush by the logic that has just been used above me. He heads towards the maple log windmill.

Finally, the "well... like trees" bylaw allows my woodcutter to start mining out an entrance corridor. An entrance corridor to what, I cannot yet say...

[ February 27, 2008: Message edited by: Dwarven Malcolite ]

[Armok]

Aw, you got your plan ruined to, make that 3 levels of pity from me...  

[Psyco Jelly]

This thread embodies everything DF is and then some, a twisted abomination upon society, sanity, and Bruce Willis.

Mind if I join in?

[Dwarfaholic]

Psyco, of course you can join.

Hmph, so my hatred is now pity. Just as well, I guess.
Well, now that I'm on the field, I gain some stats from the meeting as well, and now have +5 legendary liar and comedian. Also, all my attribute levels are belong to toughness.

Another Cliche remark, and I now have 3 levels of pity, and a level of hatred. Booyeah!

Oh yeah, I also have sufficient (Over 9000!) points to summon in a cadre of zombie goblins. With crossbows. Riding on elephants.

As my only true opponent now is Dwarven Malcolite, who I shall hence refer to as DM, I send all my soldiers to attack his woodcutter. There is no hope of survival take your time.

And, if my counts are correct, that makes it 3 pity, 3 hatred.
All I need for "Flip out."
You see, you had thought you had got me, putting me on the field.

What you did not realize was that is was just where I wanted to be.

I use my remaining points to give myself an artifact mace, and activate "Flip out" on myself.

The Mayor is the first one to die.
The rest will join soon.

[DuncanFrost]

As my King Quadgremlin has gone untouched for three turns, is a legendary comedian, and there is a Yarndwarf, Cucumberdwarf or Dwarfdwarf on the field, he has now charged up his !!*Epic Joke*!!, involving nuns, dwarves, cucumbers, gremlins and beards. He unleashes this onto the field, and Dwarfaholic's mace turns into a XXRubber ChickenXX, rendering it useless unless he himself can become a legendary comedian, in which case it will become the equivalant of an artifact adamantite giant axe blade. Plus, as all players got a copy of an Adamantite Longsword which is producing unlimited booze, a single touch from it will cause the target to hallucinate for 75-5d8+str turns.

By the way, a !!Live Carpsilk Yawndwarf!! is a transmogrified creature; therefore it has gained Legendary Comedian.

[ March 02, 2008: Message edited by: DuncanFrost ]

[Dwarfaholic]

Well, as Dwarfaholic was at the meeting, he gained +5 comedian.
Also, as you have made a post, you are now vulnerable to "flip out".

Dwarfaholic charges at the Quadrgremlin!
It is surprised by the ferocity of his charge!

[DuncanFrost]

I counter with four Haunting Whispers of Forgotten Dead. Each gremlin had one before it was transmogrified; therefore it has made a !!**&&""$$))££ADAMANTITE LONGSWORD LOL((""&&**!!, instantly killing your unit and exploding him over much of the board.

[Dwarfaholic]

Ah, but Dwarfaholic throws his weapon at the one wielding the !!**&&$$))- you know, I'm not going to even write that.

Anyways, he kills it, and retrieves the uber sword and his previous weapon.

[Dwarfaholic]

Dwarfaholic charges at !!Live Carpsilk Yawndwarf!!!
Dwarfaholic cancels catch on fire: Too insane.
Dwarfaholic cancels insane: On fire.

Yarr.

[Dwarfaholic]

Bump.

[Dark]

Dark steps into the game room and swipes all the figures off the board. "Whats gotten into you people? Have you all gone stark raving mad?! You should be using the new rulebook that just got released! Its called Logic and Fairness, here I have a copy on me, take it and enjoy your game in a new light! Now im off!" With that he takes his leave.

[Dwarfaholic]

With his superb toughness and leadership skills, Dwarfaholic (the character) not only survives the fall, but rounds up the survivors and establishes a city in the ruins of the board.
All according to my masterful plan. Muhaha.

You see, this is not happy city.
In fact, the word "Dystopy" would be far too mild of a word to properly capture the Orwelliness of this society.

In fact, just take 1984 and multiply the awesome by a hundred.

[Armok]

quote:Originally posted by Dark:
<STRONG>Whats gotten into you people? Have you all gone stark raving mad?! You should be using the new rulebook that just got released! Its called Logic and Fairness, here I have a copy on me, take it and enjoy your game in a new light! Now im off!</STRONG>

Logic and Fairness... We got one of those running to, over
here!
But damn we wanted to finish this round!  :mad:

*repairs board state, in the process mistakingly duplicating the dystopia+ city*