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[Squeegy]

I point my rainbow sheep at the adamantine ballista and forfeit the rest of my turn.

[Father Dagon]

I flip over my face down card on the table, revealing the trap I had set. The card reads as follows:

"If at any point a Saline Barbed Cucumber Cannon is destroyed with a single strike, the controlling player may receive for free and put into play the Three(3) Fates; Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos. He also gets a big ass tank."

I play the three sisters upon the tank, who immediately begin to fire lasers out of their crystal eye, turning numerous colored sheep into dark brown smoke.

[Cthulhu]

I summon a human fighter and send him into the battle, riding an orangutan.  He then shuts down the power, blanketing the battlefield in darkness.  I draw my +5 Irritating Stick, and begin attempting to keep it from making contact with any objects on the battlefield.

[Whiskey_Ninja]

This TACTICUS game is all well and good, gentlepeople, but as a here and there moderator, I'm afraid I must protest the glaring lack of observations to the People's and Dwarve's Commonly Accepted Tacticus Treatise.

I hereby invoke my 'Casual Observer's Directive', and enter the following into this TACTICUS, effective immediately:

The Rule Addendum of Armok, added by regional Pantselm council meeting 38a, dictates that Armok, God of Blood, is significantly less pleased with death that doesn't involve blood, and invokes an inverse penalty on all violent, non-bladed non-melee weapons, as well as magic above the realm level 2.

And I'd like to remind you that the Meadhall Phase activates in two turns; as usual, a dwarven baron will appear, and judge the cooking of all opposing sides. As always, commanders at the feast will be expected to publicly distribute mini-toy-forges and other treasures to their followers, or face an immediate 25% drop in morale, with corresponding risk of defection to more generous patrons. Excelling gifts made of... Bauxite, as determined by the Random Gift Material Table, will grant a labor and jogging bonus, as well as 2 points and a Brass Sceptre.

[Dwarven Malcolite]

quote:Originally posted by Whiskey_Ninja:
<STRONG>
And I'd like to remind you that the Meadhall Phase activates in two turns; as usual, a dwarven baron will appear, and judge the cooking of all opposing sides. As always, commanders at the feast will be expected to publicly distribute mini-toy-forges and other treasures to their followers, or face an immediate 25% drop in morale, with corresponding risk of defection to more generous patrons. Excelling gifts made of... Bauxite, as determined by the Random Gift Material Table, will grant a labor and jogging bonus, as well as 2 points and a Brass Sceptre.</STRONG>

You seem to have forgotten the secret ingredient. However, given the circumstances, the prizes, the judge, and the races, it seems the only available option is elf meat that menaces with spikes of calcite.

On a completly unrelated note, I'm going to utilize the Principle of Long-Term Plans, which allow me to keep my ranger that I had back in '07. This also allows me to retain my .04 points and my speeding ballista bolt, which is now three levels above ground and as such should fall harmlessly to the ground in about 2 turns. I still lack my sanity.

Given that, I order my Ranger, who is still sneaking (which is made even more effective by the darkness covering the battlefield), to fire a bolt or fifty at the sound or orangutans. I'm sure you can see what this leads to. (Bolts, by the way, are bladed weapons that deal damage at close range. The Crossbow may be ranged, but the bolts are melee, as established in the official Council of Currantspines errata to the The Rule Addendum of Armok.)

As a final note, as the Crazy Cultist Calling Crafty Cats; Caves can count canny camels, a title I retain through the use of the Permanent Reputation Bylaws, I can, as stated earlier, command cultists. As it happens, the three Fates are integral parts of the Cult of the Ancient Greeks. As such, I now utilize the thirteen points I earned during the course of my moves to influence the Fates into thinking that the Tank is not their friend. This should cause them to set the tank !!alight!!, causing an overload of the Resonators and thus the destabilization of the Magma Shaft, with interesting results.

To sum, I currently control one speeding ballistic ballista bolt, one sneaking ranger in the process of firing, and I have set chaos and confusion into the craniums of the Fates.

[DuncanFrost]

Aha! You have fallen into my trap! If there are one or more ballista bolts on the board at once, any transformed, shapeshifted, polymorphed, transmogrified or discombomulated units in play automatically become Legendary Comedians (as stated under the Transformed, Shapeshifted, Polymorphed, Transmogrified or Discombomulated Units, Sector vii, paragraph 2, letter 7, accent 2). My Operator rolls a natural 20 at pleasing the Fates with his skills, allowing me to cure them of confusion and take control of the !!Tank!!.

[Dwarven Malcolite]

Aha! We all seem to have forgotten something. To note,

quote:Originally posted by WillNZ:
<STRONG>Hmmm... I hate to break up the fun, but I was looking through the Pantshelm rulebook, and it says that the elves arrive in two turns and they're serious about naming each tree. I hope this doesn't interrupt anyone's strategy.</STRONG>

This applies to each and every game, round, and new board under the rules we are using, and since it appears that two turns have indeed passed, the elves have arrived. They may not make it onto the board, but they have arrived.

quote:Originally posted by DuncanFrost:
<STRONG>If there are one or more ballista bolts on the board at once, any transformed, shapeshifted, polymorphed, transmogrified or discombomulated units in play automatically become Legendary Comedians (as stated under the Transformed, Shapeshifted, Polymorphed, Transmogrified or Discombomulated Units, Sector vii, paragraph 2, letter 7, accent 2).</STRONG>

I'm going to apply this same rule. My Ballista bolt is rather discombobulated, as it went from speeding towards an accountant to three levels up. That would confuse anything. As such, my Ballista Bolt is also a legendary comedian. As a result of the natural gain in levels, it gets bonuses to its stats, and by the Angry Trifolding Comittee of Everlasting Rocks Doctrine, my Ballista bolt is now superballitistically touch, Ultra-Mighty, and perfectly agile. This allows it to make a sudden course correction, and adjust its aim up to three-hundred sixty degrees in any direction. Said Bolt makes such a course correction towards the head of the Comedian Operator. Further, as both are legendary comedians, they must both enter into a laughoff. unfortunately, laughoffs cause a cessation of voluntary movement until completed, which takes thirty turns. Luckily, the Ballista bolt's movement is not voluntary. Things look bad for the operator.

On a side note, in accordance with the Akam Codex, Section Three, my Ranger finds three gold coins on the ground. It should be obvious what I plan to do with said coins, at least it should be if you have seen this game fully.

[Dwarfaholic]

A-ha!
As the elves have arrived, this gives me some elf meat.
The gore caused by my playing of Harold's playfield is more than enough to win me the Favor of the Blood God, rendering my units invulnerable to bass instruments and enabling me to summon two different metals and/or minerals and combine them with elf meat to create 1-7 custom objects.
I summon calcite and bauxite, and create the Ultimate Toy Anvil. Thus, the Baron will be inflicted by "Doggish Affection" and go wherever I tell him to go.

As he falls into the lava whilst being attacked by fire spirits, he gives me a last, wide-eyed, cute look, raising righteous hatred against me by every player either on or off the board.

Suicide, you say.
Tactics, I say.

[Cthulhu]

Alright, I play my meme card.  Everyone's speech is translated into lines from Zero Wing, making casting spells with verbal components impossible, and doubling the amount of time it takes for units to respond to commands from their commander.

[DuncanFrost]

Comedian: What you say!
Comedian: Move 'zig'.
Comedian: For great justice.

[Pnx]

I use rewind on the meme card!
This spell allows the caster to remove one retro class unit/spell. In addition it allows the caster to make 1 extra move per level of that unit/spell.

And with my extra moves I summon great water spirit with the ability of water gyser, I also summon spirit of ice a [MOD] class unit with the ability of
[FIXED_TEMP:0] All water on the map turns to ice, in addition any cold blooded creature on the same square as this one dies instantly.
Unfortunatly the great water spirit is cold blooded. But now it is time for you to fear the spirit of ice!

Atleast as soon as I get him out of this gigantic pillar of ice.

[Dwarven Malcolite]

Utilizing the lingering remains of the meme, I use my ranger to take control of the aboveground farm, currently growing whip vine, because, after all, "All your base are belong to us." Further, as Time is Money, my ranger uses his gold coins as time to ignore any penalties to time that may remain.

Also, as it is now AD 2101, we must be careful that we do not accidentally cause any time paradoxes by killing off the ancestors of our units...

Finally, I am forced to reveal one of my Long Term Plans: Caturday.
This, as we all should be aware, immediately spawns a number of kittens under each players control, with "each players" defined to mean "any and all players that may ever play in this game" and "immediately" defined as "sometime in the next three turns."

[Squeegy]

quote:Originally posted by Father Dagon:
<STRONG>I flip over my face down card on the table, revealing the trap I had set. The card reads as follows:

"If at any point a Saline Barbed Cucumber Cannon is destroyed with a single strike, the controlling player may receive for free and put into play the Three(3) Fates; Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos. He also gets a big ass tank."

I play the three sisters upon the tank, who immediately begin to fire lasers out of their crystal eye, turning numerous colored sheep into dark brown smoke.</STRONG>

Aha! But you did not read about the natural defence of rainbow sheep. Since they live in the world of drugs and screwed up things, they have an immunity to lasers. I also turn my rainbow sheep to Defense, which turns their Color Blast into Color Shield, deflecting anything that has color in it (lasers are red).

[Father Dagon]

The lasers generated by the eye of the Fates are magical in nature, and therfor ignore standard immunities. Also, the lasers are not red, but infrared.

[Armok]

My ratman spy spys on the elves, and sneak towards them.