Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Keilden]

Times up for the Kings demand and only Dwarven Malcolite will get to pick a reward. the rest of you roll 33 d44 and look up your punish. To bad my king later tried to eat the rings and choked to death and that casued me to gain +10 Killing Noble points, I spend those 10 points on a Dungeon Master who will arrive in 0-9999 turns.

[Blargh]

Thank you, Substitute Random Events Referee.

In deed, a strange mist IS pouring out of the mineshaft even as we speak, and there seems to be something emerging from the cavern. OH DEAR GOD! It's... hideous! It seems to be some kind of humanoid, though it is clearly a monster. It's head is... an octopus? Really? It has scaly, strangely draconian wings and a blotchy, fish-like skin. And the eyes, oh... the eyes... They speak of untold destruction, of aeons upon aeons of unmitigated hunger fed by endless slaughter. This being revels in the blood of the innocent, feeds on mortal souls, and it cannot, CANNOT DIE! THIS IS THE END! FLEE, FLEE for your lives!

Hey, wait a second. It's only 2 feet tall?

Oh, my bad. It seems my miner garbled some words during the ritual. According to its nametag, this is Dr. Cthulittle. And it appears to be befriending random vermin by chittering softly to them. Huh. I guess we're out of the woods.

My Wizard, however, is certainly not out of the woods. He is most certainly in there, which gives me a + 10 arboreal bonus to my Charisma score for 1d4 rounds, as per section 12b of the "Arbitrary rules that rule" expansion ruleset for 3rd edition Pantshelm.

This allows me to recruit an accountant, which I promptly order to commence auditing every player on the board, in accordance with the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) rules on tax evasion. Of course, you've all remembered to pay income tax for every point you've received, right? Right? Mehehehehehehe...

Dr Cthulittle: *chirp*

Accountant: "Carry the five *ka-ching* ooh, deficit, mmm fraudulent deduction."

With my remaining points I buy a level 18 4 strength 4 stam leather belt? Hee-haw.

[Jusal]

I failed to meet the demand in time.

*Rolls several dice*

Oh no! My sub-terranean kobolds just turned into plump helmets!

Meanwhile I decide to spend the points I now have from skipping my last turn to gain control over the small wild strawberry field next to the river. There are total of 67 wild strawberries in the field. Any creature venturing too close to the field will be bitten for (The amount of strawberries in the field)d2 damage, in this case 67d2. The controller of the creature in question will also have to roll dice to see if the bite was especially dangerous according to the "Argh, It Bit Me!" table, included in the original 4th edition book of Tacticus (I know people will complain about the table being unfair, but its usage wasn't forbidden at the start of the game).

Controlling:

99 invalid kobolds on Z-Level -43 -> Now 99 Plump Helmets on Z-Level -43.

67 Surprisingly Aggressive Wild Strawberries located next to the river.

Extra commentary:

Ex-Kobolds: ...

Strawberries: ...

[ November 13, 2007: Message edited by: Jusal ]

[Xotes]

I hereby invoke rule b2 406.1092, which as you remember allows anyone to join in.

I sell my starting anvil and buy Fale Siegedriven, armed and armored fully in bronze armor with a copper shortsword and 50 swordkobolds with regular clothing and copper shortswords. Also, in accordance with rule K.1464896, or "What happens when Fale Siegedriven is summoned." Fale give a 10+ Morale bonus to all of her kobolds. However, it will unfortunately have the side-effect of taking her and her army three (3) turns to get to the playing field. This is negated if the elves arrive before her, in accordance with rule J.3127 as she will follow them into the field because they are more tolerant of "lesser" species and allowed her to follow.

EDIT: I have noticed a contradiction in the fact that the elves will always arrive before Fale and her army, so it will take 3 turns, plus 1 for failing to notice that.

[ November 13, 2007: Message edited by: Xotes ]

[ November 13, 2007: Message edited by: Xotes ]

[Felix the Cat]

Per rule 995.2A, "Purely Optional Fluff for Incoming Players", I roll on the Random Incoming Entity Table twice.

Results:
27 --> Human Merchant Representative, 2 Human Bodyguards (Swordsmen)
pi squared --> an irrational number of rhesus macaques

As a reminder, the behaviors of these entities are covered in Diagram 34, "Things that do various Things". The Human Trade Representative immediately attempts to locate the dwarven Broker. If there is no broker, the Human Merchant Representative wanders randomly, but is required to stay in areas judged to cause the greatest number of pathing issues possible. If no broker can be found after 4 turns, the Human Trade Representative goes insane and is killed by his own bodyguards, who then return to the capital, collect their pay, and tell the human king that the dwarves killed the trade representative. Humans may invade starting 4 turns later.

The irrational number of rhesus macaques are required to steal an irrational number of =granite flutes= and then run off the map.

Since neither of those units are actually under my control, I select a group of entities from the Further Expounded Random Entity Table of cupidity < 5. I pick a goblin thief (cupidity .05) and a fairy with one deformed big toe (cupidity 4.95). The goblin thief is in the woods and thus gains a +5 cover bonus but receives a -5 "trees make my head ache" bonus. The fairy is in the strawberry patch but is immune to bites (rule 7992.1A from the Expandable Expendable Errata, "...vermin of a good nature (i.e. fairies) are immune to bites from surprisingly aggressive fruits, considering that they are already quite fruity themselves." 2 points are awarded to the owner of the strawberry patch due to the fairy dust bonus.

Commentary:
Human Trade Representative (in the mountain): "Hullo, where's the broker? Oh, there's no broker? You don't mind me standing here blocking the entrance to your coal-mining operations, do you?"

Irrational number of rhesus macaques (edge of map, location B5): "Scree scree scree + sqrt(2)*scree"

Goblin thief (woods): "Urgh urf. Where tasty dwarf child? Urf urgh."

Fairy (strawberry field): "I feel pretty... oh so pretty... I feel pretty, and witty, and gay!"

[Jusal]

I hereby spend one of my fairy dust points to request the other players to add the rest of the more important features of the battlefield to the everchanging ASCII map (below) of the area as in rule 5542c9 under "Things To Make The Gamesystem Even Easier To Exploit".

(I encourage you to continue the map if you find it a nice idea.)

code:

xxxxxxxxxx
xxxxx....x
xxxx~~++..   Legend:
xxxxFF~~~.
xxxxxxxxx~   x = Currently Unmapped
xxxxxxxxxx   . = Plain
xxxxxxxxxx   ~ = Water (river)
xxxxxxxxxx   F = Forest
xxxxxxxxxx   + = Wild strawberries
xxxxxxxxxx

[Fenrir]

quote:Originally posted by Jusal:
<STRONG>I hereby spend one of my fairy dust points to request the other players to add the rest of the more important features of the battlefield to the everchanging ASCII map (below) of the area as in rule 5542c9 under "Things To Make The Gamesystem Even Easier To Exploit".

(I encourage you to continue the map if you find it a nice idea.)

code:

xxxxxxxxxx
xxxxx....x
xxxx~~++..   Legend:
xxxxFF~~~.
xxxxxxxxx~   x = Currently Unmapped
xxxxxxxxxx   . = Plain
xxxxxxxxxx   ~ = Water (river)
xxxxxxxxxx   F = Forest
xxxxxxxxxx   + = Wild strawberries
xxxxxxxxxx

</STRONG>

Certainly this is a job for the first player. I quote another user:

quote: Of course, that doesn't preclude a small amount of informal organization in which to experience the game, such as "unless the Complete Rules of Tacticus, New Expanded Revised Pantshelm Edition, instruct otherwise, the starter of the game is the one who keeps track of what the hell is going on for everyone else's benefit" or "once the starter of the game informs everyone what the hell went on the previous turn or other period of time-space-dwarfdom specified in the Complete Rules of Tacticus, New Expanded Revised Pantshelm Edition, everything else going on prior to that is what the hell is going on the next turn or other period of time-space-dwarfdom".

[Kyselina]

Because of rule 6 § 56745686487 I join the game, and I start as nation extra-fluffy 6 arm deers(yes, 6 arms and 4 legs). I bring 7 of the deers, and 40 units of food and booze.

[Keilden]

My Dungeon Master now arrives and according to the table on page 167 in the Monsters Book tells me he got 5 Molemen with him. I use the Molemen to build a secret undeground dungeon where I will tame creatures to do my bidding. Also the recent additions to the Moleman rules state that I got to feed them one of my own dwarfs so I feed them my Hammerer.

[Jusal]

quote:Originally posted by Fenrir:
<STRONG>Certainly this is a job for the first player.</STRONG>

If they so wish. I thought about letting everyone who is playing contribute.

[Fenrir]

quote:Originally posted by Jusal:
<STRONG>

If they so wish. I thought about letting everyone who is playing contribute.</STRONG>

What of rule 5542d0 under "Things To Make The Gamesystem Even Easier To Exploit"? It states that, prior to play, an individual may be appointed to be clerk. The clerk's sole responsibility is to keep records of the game in play. The clerk does not participate, unless Exception 2368a5 is enacted.

[Jusal]

It's the tiny font, next to the page number.

You might need a magnifying glass though.

[Koji]

My skeletal giant eagle arrives and slaughters a horde of loitering peasants on their smoke break.

It then flies up one Z-level and remains there for the rest of my turn.

[Jreengus]

Under rule 2691 subsection B of the 3rd edition I invoke the observer right of weather adjustment, whereby any observer who has not yet made a move may adjust the weather to his/her liking. Therefore it has begun raining blood, the fact that it only rains 1 drop is irrelevant since it multiplies at a rate of 5B^4 per turn where B=amount of blood at the beginning of the turn.

[Gulfd'An]

i now must roll for my punishment from the king.......
*roll roll roll*
oh wait..... it means dice
*rolls dice*
oh dear it appears that the elf’s have arrived in my grove and have named all the trees..... well i have no wood cutters so i don't care.
wait what is this? it appears my mule that was in one of said trees is now named "martyr manhattans" and what is this? some illegal aliens are exiting his packs and swearing alliance to "Martyr the great mule"
well it seems i have gained a large force off
1 named tree dwelling mule
1-999 completely irrelevant tiny stow away that may or may not be caused by the mule hallucinating from the fumes of name-tag glue and sharpie ink