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Author Topic: Worst Artifacts ever!  (Read 77945 times)

Matuin

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Re: Worst Artifacts ever!
« Reply #45 on: May 10, 2010, 12:35:22 am »
Most useless artifact I had was a door made of wood that had a picture of a throne made of stone with a picture of a mug made of gem WITH A PICTURE OF A SHIELD MADE OF BONE.

All four were possessions. I was very upset.
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Eric Blank

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Re: Worst Artifacts ever!
« Reply #46 on: May 10, 2010, 12:50:19 am »
Quote from: Matuin on May 10, 2010, 12:35:22 am
Most useless artifact I had was a door made of wood that had a picture of a throne made of stone with a picture of a mug made of gem WITH A PICTURE OF A SHIELD MADE OF BONE.

All four were possessions. I was very upset.

Sounds like Armok is sending a friendly reminder to your dwarves that they need to build him a temple with many ways to die horribly and begin sacrificing kittens.
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I make Spellcrafts!
Quote from: Andreus on June 09, 2011, 02:07:07 pm
I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

Pheo

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Re: Worst Artifacts ever!
« Reply #47 on: May 10, 2010, 01:17:16 am »
I just had my first macabre mood.  :)

Unfortunately, my best swordsdwarf was murdered because of it, and all that was made was a dwarf leather face veil.
My dwarves can't even wear it!
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Vercingetorix

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Re: Worst Artifacts ever!
« Reply #48 on: May 10, 2010, 02:16:16 am »
Quote from: Rotten on May 09, 2010, 08:23:27 am
Ash Barrel
   Plump Helmet [3]
   Plump Helmet
   Plump Helmet [7]
   Flour Bag
      !!Flour!!

Maybe this will be how my dwarves will start brewing Dwarven Porter and Dwarven Stout instead of just beer...

Also, the thought of the quern burning is an experience in and of itself.
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Do you always look at it in ASCII?

You get used to it, I don't even see the ASCII.  All I see is blacksmith, miner, goblin.

Brandon816

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Re: Worst Artifacts ever!
« Reply #49 on: May 10, 2010, 09:11:24 am »
I had a dwarf make a lignite idol. It exploded shortly after being created, destroying itself, injuring its creator, and damaging the shop, leaving me with a XCraftsdwarf's workshopX made of Xash logsX and a dwarf that took twice as long to do anything.
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Satarus

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Re: Worst Artifacts ever!
« Reply #50 on: May 10, 2010, 10:02:37 am »
Buildable artifacts are the best.  Happy thoughts from using that bucket for a well or that bone spear in a weapon trap.
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Quote
You need to make said elf leather into the most amazing work of art.  Embed it with every kind of gem you have, stud it with metals, and sew images into it.  Erect a shrine outside your fort with that in the center.  Let the elves know that you view their very skin as naught more but a medium for your dwarves to work on.

Scribble

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Re: Worst Artifacts ever!
« Reply #51 on: May 10, 2010, 10:11:03 am »
I had four useless artifacts in a row, a shist quernstone (banded with shist), a ropefiber sock (again just one peice of ropefiber), a wooden earing (this had hanging rings of coal!) and a donkey bone flute.

I made the militia kill the culprits.
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Quietust

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Re: Worst Artifacts ever!
« Reply #52 on: May 10, 2010, 11:04:28 am »
Quote from: Randy Gnoman on May 09, 2010, 01:54:23 am
I had a dwarf go into a fell mood, and was stoked.  What happened?  He ran to the nearest refuse stockpile, picked up the first dead vermin he saw, and cranked out a Fluffy Wambler Earing, decorated with Fluffy Wambler fluff.
Quote from: Pheo on May 10, 2010, 01:17:16 am
I just had my first macabre mood.  :)

Unfortunately, my best swordsdwarf was murdered because of it, and all that was made was a dwarf leather face veil.

Er, hang on a second - last I checked, fell moods are the sort that murder a dwarf, and macabre moods are the ones that use various creature remains. Either you two have both mixed them up, or something's gone strange in the current version...

Quote from: Mishy on May 08, 2010, 01:15:48 am
Gongith Bobrur, "The Squid of Mothers", microline scepter.
Microcline.

Quote from: Eric Blank on May 08, 2010, 02:47:21 pm
I just got a jeweler to make a perfect topaz. I don't even know how I can take advantage of it in any way
For some reason, the first thing that came to mind was socketing it in a helmet or armor for 24% better chance of getting magic items.
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P.S. If you don't get this note, let me know and I'll write you another.
Quote from: Lord Dakoth on September 17, 2009, 10:47:58 pm
It's amazing how dwarves can make a stack of bones completely waterproof and magmaproof.
Quote from: Neruz on September 18, 2009, 06:58:26 am
It's amazing how they can make an entire floodgate out of the bones of 2 cats.

Calculus

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Re: Worst Artifacts ever!
« Reply #53 on: May 10, 2010, 11:39:13 am »
Last night a dwarf made a Gold high boot, with all the trimmings.

But he just made ONE boot. Now who is going to be walking around the fortress with that on?
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Urist Imiknorris

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Re: Worst Artifacts ever!
« Reply #54 on: May 10, 2010, 11:53:47 am »
Quote from: Calculus on May 10, 2010, 11:39:13 am
Last night a dwarf made a Gold high boot, with all the trimmings.

But he just made ONE boot. Now who is going to be walking around the fortress with that on?

Anyone who wants to really kick ass.
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Quote from: LordSlowpoke
I don't know how it works. It does.
Quote from: Jim Groovester
YOU CANT NOT HAVE SUSPECTS IN A GAME OF MAFIA

ITS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
Quote from: Cheeetar
If Tiruin redirected the lynch, then this means that, and... the Illuminati! Of course!

Ilmoran

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Re: Worst Artifacts ever!
« Reply #55 on: May 10, 2010, 12:40:38 pm »
Quote from: Calculus on May 10, 2010, 11:39:13 am
Last night a dwarf made a Gold high boot, with all the trimmings.

But he just made ONE boot. Now who is going to be walking around the fortress with that on?

Duh.  Your legendary Crutchwalker.
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MonkeyHead

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Re: Worst Artifacts ever!
« Reply #56 on: May 10, 2010, 01:14:00 pm »
Some useless peasant just created a turtle shell earring from 3 turtle shells (made of shell, decorated with shell, hanging rings of shell and banded with shell. no images.). Wouldnt have minded, but it was a posession, so no skill gain... and there was I frantically setting up some fishing industry in order to get some shells, praying for some kind of shell armour artifact...

heres hoping I get another pig iron war hammer with spikes of pig iron soon. that was kind of cool.
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Urist Imiknorris

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Re: Worst Artifacts ever!
« Reply #57 on: May 10, 2010, 01:20:21 pm »
Quote from: MonkeyHead on May 10, 2010, 01:14:00 pm
heres hoping I get another pig iron war hammer with spikes of pig iron soon. that was kind of cool.
Platinum would be even better.
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Quote from: LordSlowpoke
I don't know how it works. It does.
Quote from: Jim Groovester
YOU CANT NOT HAVE SUSPECTS IN A GAME OF MAFIA

ITS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
Quote from: Cheeetar
If Tiruin redirected the lynch, then this means that, and... the Illuminati! Of course!

Oglokoog

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Re: Worst Artifacts ever!
« Reply #58 on: May 10, 2010, 03:50:32 pm »
Quote from: Urist Imiknorris on May 10, 2010, 01:20:21 pm
Quote from: MonkeyHead on May 10, 2010, 01:14:00 pm
heres hoping I get another pig iron war hammer with spikes of pig iron soon. that was kind of cool.
Platinum would be even better.

Moody dwarves can make platinum hammers? Wow. A platinum hammer might actually be useful.
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Quote from: nahkh on May 17, 2010, 06:32:05 am
So we got monsters above, monsters below, dwarves in the middle and a party in the dining hall. Sounds good to me.
Quote from: Uristocrat on November 04, 2010, 04:44:29 am
If all else fails, remember one thing:  kittens are delicious, nutritious little goblin-baiters, cavern explorers, and ambush-finders.

4lph4w0lf

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Re: Worst Artifacts ever!
« Reply #59 on: May 10, 2010, 04:04:54 pm »
Quote
Quote from: Eric Blank on May 08, 2010, 02:47:21 pm
I just got a jeweler to make a perfect topaz. I don't even know how I can take advantage of it in any way
For some reason, the first thing that came to mind was socketing it in a helmet or armor for 24% better chance of getting magic items.


This was comedy gold and anyone who misses this reference is dead to the world.
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Quote from: gumball135 on February 05, 2010, 04:51:49 pm
The elves have hidden mind control mechanisms (wooden ones) in the brains of the zombie animals.
At the flick of a switch, the animals will become mindless killing machines and every single dwarf in your fortress will be hunted down and eaten. With a side dish of +plump helmet roast+.

Butcher the animals before it's too late!
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