From the journal of Urist Ironbeard
4 Obsidian
It's been two weeks since I left the mountainhome. I was sent to take over administration for Kidneyspliced, the latest but certainly not the last outpost to have its outpost leader mysteriously drown in magma. In his bedroom.
I'm not sure about these directions I was given to the new outpost. The cartographer clearly hadn't been getting enough booze if he expected anyone to understand them. Still though...I can't be too far from civilization. I've been seeing a lot of roads lately. They're built out of some sort of grainy black material I don't recognize. Interesting workmanship in them. Plain, straight and simple, but I don't see any creases between the blocks. It almost looks like they were poured instead of layed, but it's way too soft to have been magma. Well, new lands, new materials.
7 Obsidian
I've arrived in the middle of a bustling surface city full of humans. Well, I think they're humans. Tall and gangly, but they speak strangely and wear clothing unlike any human I've seen. From the map I have the outpost should be very close. Maybe I should ask for directions. There's a rather large building ahead. I'll ask there.
 | Hello. I was wondering if you could...
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 | HELLO! Welcome to the World Tournament! Are you here to watch or participate?
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| "World Tournament?"
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| Yes! Every four years the greatest fighters from all over the world gather here to test their skills against one another! This will be the 22nd annual tournament! It's amazing to see the variety of combat styles! |
| Do you always hold annual tournaments every four years?
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| ...what do you mean?
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| Nevermind. I'm just looking for directions. Can you tell me where Kidneyspliced is? The dwarven settlement?
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| Dwarves? Umm...the only dwarf I know is a Shaolin monk by the name of Krillan. His temple is in the mountains north of here.
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| "Temple?" I don't know what a "Shaolin" is, but if they've gone crazy and forsaken Armok...there'll be Armok to pay. Mountains though...so that must be where they are. Thanks. |
| Wait! Before you go, here's a brochure for the Tournament. It only happens every four years, so be sure to come back and watch!
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| ...yeah. I'll be sure to do that.
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For a human she was unusually helpful, but the news was bad, and I needed a drink. Pocketing the brochure, I set out looking for a tavern to quench my thirst. I passed a few buildings, but no taverns. After wandering in circles for hours I finally gave up on finding any booze in the tournament area, and wandered to Aru Village to the west, where I was immediately set upon by a rather clingy looking human.
 | Oh! You must be an adventurer!
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| No. I'm thirsty. Where's the nearest tavern?
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| Oh, we have no taverns here. All the local village girls have been kidnapped by a horrible monsters!
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| What does that have to do with taverns?
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| Who would serve the beer?
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| "Serve" beer? What is this "serve" you speak of? You pick up the keg in one hand and upend it. Don't you humans know anything?
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| But now that you are here to save us, we will have our village girls again! Yay!
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| Wait, what?
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| To the north there lies a castle. Castle Oolong! And therein lies the foul, wretched beast..Oolong the terrible, who has stolen our womenfolk, for what horrible purposes I can only image.
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| He probably just had a mandate to fill. Can't I just serve myself? I don't even need it in a glass. Just give me a barrel or five.
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| No, you must save our villagefolk!
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| *sigh* Ok. I'll go talk to this Oolong character if you'll give me beer.
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| Deal.
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The Castle wasn't difficult to find. But things were not quite as Marcos explained. I found the village girls. There were parading around the castle like princesses, dressed up in fancy silk gowns and making up things for the servants to do. One of them even tried to tell me to remove a pea from under her matress. When I explained I was there to "rescue" her, she laughed and told me that all the women came to live a life of luxury instead of the life of a poor villager. Personally, I was more interested in them living the life of someone giving me a nice thick, chunky ale, so I figured I'd have to go see Oolong. I found him before long...crying in a corner.
 | ...oohhhh....oh, woe is me! Life is so cruel!
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| Are you Oolong?
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| Yes!!! <pout> I am Oolong! <sniff> Oolong the terr...terribly unhappy. What a horrible joke life has played on me! It's so horribly unfair!
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| What's the problem? You're obviously rich. You have your own fortress. Admittedly, it's above ground, but it's still a fortress. And you've got a couple dozen young girls in the next room dressed in GCS silk gowns and jewelry. Oh...wait, you smell sober. Yeah, I guess you do have it pretty rough.
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| No, it's the village girls! They're the problem! Once they found out I was rich, they came in droves, eating my food, badgering my servants! I just want them to leave!
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| You didn't kidnap them?
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| WHAT?!! NO! Well...one of them. Maybe. Just one. It was a misunderstanding. Simple mistake, anyone could make. I tried to put her back but once the others found out it was too late!
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| Why don't you just kick them out, give me a beer and call it day?
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| ...you mean, make them leave?
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| And give me a beer. Yes.
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| What a wonderful idea! I'm the man around here! I'll just have my servants shoo them out! Oh, thank you so much for your help!
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| No problem. ...now about that beer?
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| Oh, I don't have any alcohol. I only drink tea. Hence the name.
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| Ahh. "Oolong." Right. Got it.
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| Say...if you happen to run into any nice girls, you know...the kind, sweet, loving type. Would you send them my way? |
| Sure. I'll get right on that. And in my experience the best place to find kind, sweet, loving girls is in the bottom of a booze barrel. Now if you'll excuse me...
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The women returned to their village and their menial jobs, but they were so resentful about me getting them kicked out that I couldn't get the time of day in their village, let alone a drink. Instead, Marcos gave me some old +knife+ as a reward. Not bad for human craftsmanship, but I didn't see I'd get much use from it. I was here to recover an outpost, not fight anything.
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Topic: Lets Play Dragonball T, a module for ToME3 (Read 27844 times)