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[Karnewarrior]

A Harry potter parody.

You are Henry Florist. You were born on the first of April to Daisy and Jack Florist, in the sleepy little village of Hogdrics Hollow. But one year after your birth, the evil Dark Lord Voldeshort killed your parents. He would have killed you too, but you were too smart and held up My Magic Mirror^tm. The curse bounced off and hit him instead. You sometimes still can hear his vengful cry of "I'll get you, my pretty!" before dying.

Now you are in the hands of a gigantic man with a beard that would put a dwarf to shame. Hell, there's probably a dwarf living in there right now! You would continue this train of thought, but you land. In the process, the giant cracks your soft baby head against the motorcycle and knocks you out. Idiot.

Now you are eleven years old, living with your Aunt Gecko (who looks like an alien) and Uncle Drain-o (who looks like a walrus). Aunt Gecko is pounding on the door. She screeches "Time to get up! Get up! Get up! Get up!" This is very annoying. You feel more than hear your cousin Cuddley (who looks like something a walrus would throw up) rolling down the stairs (literally. He's too fat to fit in the stairway!). He dislodges a spider on to your socks.

>_

[Heron TSG]

>Eat socks

[Rashilul]

>Angst angst angst

>>Go to the kitchen

[Cheddarius]

Become enraged, threaten to turn family into frogs

[Karnewarrior]

>Eat socks

They taste like spoiled meatballs. Seems you forgot to do your laundry.

>Angst angst angst

>>Go to the kitchen

"Get up!"
"I'M GETTING UP YOU OLD BAT! WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!"
Aunt Gecko ceases her knocking. You slowly crack open the door to your cupboard, ready to slam it shut at the first sign of Aunt Geckos long, disgusting neck (perfect for peering over the tops of small skyscrapers!). Unfortunately, you're not fast enough. Aunt Gecko drags you by your hair into the kichen, screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU BETTER NOT BURN THE BACON, BOY! EVERYTHING MUST BE PERFECT FOR MY LIDDLE CUDDYKINS!" She almost slams you're face into the frying pan before slithering over to the table to snort the food there. You gag.

Become enraged, threaten to turn family into frogs

You do not belive in magic. Magic is for the uneducated. You burn copies of Peter Pan for fun.

[Diablous]

>Grab frying pan.
>Use frying pan as a weapon.
>Kill them.

[Karnewarrior]

>Grab frying pan.
>Use frying pan as a weapon.
>Kill them.

If you're in jail, how will you get to "Hogwarts"*

*to be parodyfied

[Rashilul]

>Grab frying pan.
>Use frying pan as a weapon.
>Kill them.

If you're in jail, how will you get to "Hogwarts"*

*to be parodyfied

Obviously they'd come and magic you out. Duh.

>Kill them KILL THEM ALL

Alternatively,
>Make bacon tearfully.

[silhouette]

Put bleach into frying pan with the bacon, and use something that wont get your fingerprints on them!
Then squirt the bleach into the sink/ dishwasher so it could be a common mistake poisoning...

[Nirur Torir]

>Cook the bacon. Burn half, and slightly undercook the other half.

[Diablous]

>Grab frying pan.
>Use frying pan as a weapon.
>Kill them.

If you're in jail, how will you get to "Hogwarts"*

*to be parodyfied

Well, we're not going to let the cops find out.

[Karnewarrior]

Guys, I refuse to let you violently, subtley, or otherwise assassinate the Dursleys Failures.

>Make bacon tearfully.

You do. A teardrop falls mournfully into the frying pan, where it hisses. You bring Cuddley his bacon. As soon as your back is turned, two peices of the half-and-half bacon smacks you in the back of the neck. The wet half sticks, and the burnt half hangs.
"Bacon no done, hemry" grunts Cuddley through a mouthful of, what else, bacon. "Me want bacon shaken, not stirred.
"MY CUDDYKINS IS SAD! GET BACK TO YOUR CUPBOARD BOY!" screeches Aunt Gecko, waving her head like a club (which it may as well be, with that neck. Did I mention she stoops twice when inside?). Uncle Drain-o makes a noise not unlike those made by elephant seals fighting over their harem.

>_

[silhouette]

DO THE MARIO

[Karnewarrior]

DO THE MARIO

I don't know what the mario is.

[silhouette]

rehearse your emo poetry to dudley or w/e his name is...