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[Pathos]

This is the thread for those stories you have but can never tell people due to them being far too ego massaging. For those stories that you feel like a real braggart telling. For those stories that are your crowning moment of awesome.

I think they're usually kept way too hidden and that's really sad, especially since they're usually the most hilarious stories people have to tell. So, tell your friends on these forums your brilliant ego rubbing stories!

Rules

• Don't beat down on anyone too harshly, just question the validity of their stories, if it's necessary to you. Always remember to use "I" statements.
• Don't overly embellish your stories, or sway them to favour you far more. An objective story is an interesting story!
• Don't report anything, I might get in trouble!!!!
• Have fun! (Yes, that's a rule. If you don't have fun, you are a Commie mutant traitor scumbag.)

From Russia With Love...
Last year, I went on a trip to Russia with my college. We visited the museums, checked in at the art galleries and got drunk out of our heads. (Seriously, vodka is ridiculously cheap in Russia.)

Anyway, I had a funny feeling about leaving the bottles laying around, so I hid them in the most awkward to reach places possible that also disguised them pretty well from any casual observer. The guy who I was in the same room with accused me of being ridiculously paranoid, but I was adamant we had to hide them well. I forgot about them, as you do when there's borscht to eat.

A couple of days later, it was announced (during a coach trip back to the hotel) that maids had found empty vodka bottles in one of our rooms, and the hotel was pretty annoyed that they'd had to remove all the alcohol from our minifridges - despite us getting drunk there anyway.

As it turned out, we were one of the very few that weren't caught drinking, or even suspected of drinking. (A lot of people came to our room to get drunk, in reality.) We got praised for how well behaved we'd been (the guy I'd been with had begun smoking heavily due to how cheap cigarettes were) and the other guy got promoted to being one of the Senior Prefects. All in all, we did a real karma houdini act, whilst others who hadn't been drinking got accused of it.

I was also the one who, during a drinking game, manage to get that same guy to admit he was gay, in the weirdest way possible.

Now, tell us all your delicious, ego massaging stories!

[Urist Imiknorris]

I am the Guy. I'm trying to beat the game on Impossible, but the Castlevania section keeps killing me.

[Maggarg - Eater of chicke]

I have drunk over 150 different beers in my so far short drinking career.

[ToonyMan]

I came in 8th for related math in my STATE.

[Kagus]

When I was about 9-10 years old, I could play Jazz Jackrabbit without looking at the screen.

No, seriously.  My mom came in one time and started talking to me, and I turned to carry the conversation with her while I was still making my way through the levels.  I can't remember the occasion, but she's never forgotten it.


I think I played that game just a wee bit too much...

[Jude]

An objective story is an interesting story!

So not true! A deftly exaggerated story, in all the right places, is way funnier

[Itnetlolor]

One time when I was really young, my uncle and cousins were visiting, and there were some quarrels going on because my cousin was being rather lazy and not listening to my uncle, and my uncle's shouting/ordering nearly reached the point of sounding rather abusive. Now mind you, this guy is a (retired) gilded NYPD police officer with one hell of a badass reputation that spans so far, it even influences some of the forces where I currently live (IE- not NY). The local sheriff (where I still live), he knows personally. My uncle is the definition of outright intimidating, and it shows after what I did.

Having put up with the whole shout-match going on for long enough (for something simple that even I could've done at that age; maybe I was 10-13 at the time), I decided to step up to my uncle and say something along the lines of "If you want him to do something, try and be a little nicer when you ask." or words to that effect. My family reacted as if I just punched out God in a single blow. My uncle actually calmed down for the rest of his visit at least, and my cousin cooperated a bit more and did his part as well, and I went back to playing my game or whatever I was doing casually. I think that has to be one of my better known CMoA's family-wise.

Only after they left was I explained what exactly happened, and that a mere kid like me just took on a badass with a godlike reputation, and won. Nobody in my family (not even my mother) had the balls to take him on at that moment, or many others. It took a good while for it to finally soak in for me to realize it.

EDIT:
None of this is exaggerated.

[cganya]

while maybe not a singular event but I'm unbreakable.

I like snowboarding. I'm not particularly good at it but I like it. I have been in numerous bad accidents on the ski hills but there are two in particular that are quite amazing. The first was when I decided to race my larger, older brother down the hill. He was on skis while I was on a snowboard. I had no advantage over him except my fearlessness. I "bombed" the hill, went straight down it without any self perseverance or angle adjustment. I flew, must have been going 60km/h at least. As I neared the end of the hill I had no control. The ski lift was fast approaching and I needed to veer left to go around it.

I tried and failed to keep my feat on the ground. At approx. 60km/h I went into forward cartwheels. My glasses were in 5 separate pieces, my goggles, hat and gloves had flown off and spread around where I lay on the ground. My left foot had slipped out of my snowboard boot with the inner lining still on it, the other foot was still in the board and resting at a weird angle.

The ski lift operator had stopped the lift and ran up the hill over to me as I rolled my head dizzily. I quickly came into focus as he neared, he was shouting "You alright man?!" I touched my head, for what must have been 10 seconds, I had a minor headache. I told the guy I was ok and started unfastening my left boot from the board so I could put it back on. My right foot was fine, uninjured and ready for more snowboarding.

"That was the most horrible, painful looking wipe-out I have seen in 15 years." He told me. I'll I really cared about at the time was how pissed my dad was going to be when he heard I broke my glasses, I was otherwise completely unharmed.

The second big crash was a little more spectacular. Most of my family had gone to the ski hill this time and we were all in a loose little group going down. I ventured a little to close to the base of a tree and the snow was angled a little differently than I had thought and it threw me to the ground. However I didn't just flop onto the ground, oh no.

I went face first. after this point I had only the result and the descriptions of my family to piece together what happened, it was all quite a blur. Apparently I skidded down the hill a few feet on my face before "folding" at my back  "in half" into a flip where I landed on my back. I remember what It felt like. The pain was unbearable, I screamed out loud and long, not moving. My family thought I was paralyzed, that I had broken my neck or my back. I was screaming however because my knee (cant remember which one) had been replaced with blinding pain.

What? My knee? But I hadn't hit my knee or landed on it or anything. Nothing else hurt at all. I began to twist, writhe and curse out in pain. After a few minutes of this I packed myself up on my board and carefully slid down the hill. It was very tender untill the next day but it was not broken, I had not torn any ligaments or muscles, there was no bruise or anything. The pain comes back every once in awhile but to this day I still don't know how I hurt it. Maybe I dislocated and relocated it in one smooth action while doing my contortionist back flip?

I have so many of these tales that its hard to keep track. all these incidents where I should have been hurt badly or killed outright but never suffered an injury, broken a single bone or lost consciousness once.

How many people do you know have fell through a foot wide, 4 foot deep hole in the ice and lived to tell the tale?

[RedKing]

So when I was a kid, I had one of those orange plastic sleds that you can just lie back on and go zooming down a good hill on. Kind of like a poor man's luge. And my neighborhood had some really good hills, even just in our front yards. We rarely got snow, being in the Southeast US, but one year we wound up getting like a foot of snow, which melted a bit, then refroze, then another six inches of snow followed by freezing temps for a week.

End result was close to three weeks out of school, and conditions wherein you had several inches of packed snow, covered by a hard-as-a-rock layer of ice about an inch thick, covered by another few inches of packed snow. Sledding Nirvana. You didn't even need a sled. If you fell down, and there was a slope, you would slide. We took what snow we could that wasn't rock-hard and used it build ramps, tracks, etc.

Two moments of awesome came out of that winter.

One: Sledding down a friend's rather large yard, towards the woods. The yard was shaped a bit like a bowl, so I picked up a ton of speed going down, and figured I'd just slow down going up the other side. As I started whizzing up the upslope (in towards the trees), I noticed a slight ridge under the snow, like something buried. And remembered to my horror that there were large landscaping timbers there, marking off the wooded area from the yard. A split second later the sled hit one and stopped dead. Being that the sled was luge-like and had no handles (and was arcing up at the time), I launched cleanly off the sled like I was fired out a cannon.

I screamed and flailed as I went airborne, fully expecting to either hit a tree or fly 50+ feet and break something when I landed. After several seconds I realized I wasn't flying anymore, and hadn't hit the ground either. I opened my eyes to find the world upside-down. Literally. I started to move my legs before my brain put two and two together, and WHUMP...dropped about 10 feet into a snowbank. Apparently, in my mid-air flailing, I had managed to wrap my legs around a passing tree branch and had been hanging upside down. Oh, if only someone had had a videocamera....I'd be rich.

[Mishy]

Wow, you really like tvTropes. Lets take a quick look..

[Enzo]

When I was about 9-10 years old, I could play Jazz Jackrabbit without looking at the screen.

One time I beat my friend at Blades of Steel with my back to the TV. It was my crowning moment of nerd awesome.

I have nothing else to brag about, I'm fairly unremarkable.

[ToonyMan]

I've got the thickest hair in the world, it is thick.

[Dwarf]

I once fell head-first down that wall - about 5 feet - because I kind of tripped over the kerb whilst I, obiviously in some very deep thought, idly walked around. Resulting in broken glasses.

[Mishy]

When I was about 9-10 years old, I could play Jazz Jackrabbit without looking at the screen.

Holy shit i remember playing this at school. We would play lan multiplayer over the last few days of the school year. I played as Spaz, red and brown, and called myself Din as of Zelda OoT. I won like 5 games in a row, each having 3 rounds. Everyone was stood up saying "who the hell is Din?". I was so proud.

[warhammer651]

I just beat the game.

An I got a long enough killstreak for a tactical nuke while not using ANY other perks.